Good News and Better News … February 19th, 2018

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3588)

During a particularly glorious pee-pee break during the night, I turned on the TV to light my path, muting the sound (as I didn’t require any audio commentary while urinating.)

Upon returning to my bed, I reached for the selector to turn off the TV–my normal practice–so I could roll over and hook Sleep One up with Sleep Two, when I looked up and saw Joel Osteen on the screen.

I have no strong sentiment about Pastor Osteen. There are some people who think he is handsome, with his million-dollar smile and house to match, and others who call him everything from a charlatan to a heretic. (The worst thing I probably have done is finding myself holding the coats of those who were stoning the Houstonian.)

But I also do not favor his instruction. Oh, that’s stupid. I just really have never listened to him. After all, I find myself so fascinating there’s little time for others. (I hope you know I’m kidding…)

But on a whim, I unmuted the messenger and let him speak. Amazingly, for the next three-and-a-half minutes, this young gentleman spoke directly to my heart. His message was so specifically designed to my circumstance that I was startled. If I were the superstitious sort, I might even believe the actual show did not exist, but was manufactured in the heavens to be aired on my screen and mine alone.

For three-and-a-half minutes there was nothing but Joel talking to me. After that it got a little clunky, but I treasured my three-and-a-half minutes.

Clarity. It is one of the greatest things God can give us. We all pray for healing, finance and retribution, and He offers us wisdom and strength, knowing that these two powerhouses usually set everything else in motion. I was struck by the simplicity of it all.

You see, I’m tapped.

I’m not angry, I’m not frustrated, I’m not disillusioned. I’m just tapped.

I am drained of any further toleration for a religious system that spends time bickering instead of beckoning.

Drained of a political collision in Washington which is no merely longer involved in gridlock, but has transformed our country into bumper cars.

And a business world which decides to charge more for a candy bar while simultaneously shrinking its size.

So in a sense, I have great empathy for the WWE (another show I’ve never watched). I am tapped out.

I don’t want to wrestle any more. I’m tired of the struggle. I’m weary of watching people pretend they’re passionate, only to resume their mediocre lives once the cameras are turned off.

I don’t want to hear any more about school shootings–not because I’m indifferent to brothers and sisters who were slain, but rather, enraged by those who use the event to become overly religious, maudlin, improve ratings or posture for votes.

God came into my room last night with the aid of Joel’s words, calmed me down and gave me another gallon of hope for truckin’ on.

I am no longer tapped. I am open for business, to be gentle, kind, humble and therefore, powerful.

The good news is, God spoke to me through Joel Osteen.

The better news is, I didn’t act like a jerk, but instead, listened.

 

 

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Obvious Follow-Ups… October 17, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

(2039)

One of the more annoying aspects of a capitalistic society fueled by advertising and fads is the pernicious pile-up of imitators which leap to the forefront to make money from an idea that has gained some popularity.

With the recent–and bewildering, to me–success of the novel, Fifty Shades of Gray, my spine chills to think about all the parroting we are due to encounter by organizations, businesses and causes trying to piggy-back on the crowd appeal.

I immediately came up with ten which I fear greatly:

1. Fifty Maids Who Weigh (Weight Watchers)

2. Fifty Blades of Gay (men’s figure skating)

3, Fifty Ways to Pray (Joel Osteen–this one really leaves me cold)

Middle America gets in there with this one:

4. Fifty Bales of Hay  (Farmer’s Almanac)

5. Fifty Jokes by Jay (Leno’s memoir)

6. Fifty Styles of Lei (Honolulu Chamber of Commerce)

7. Fifty Options to Pay (Ebay)

8. Fifty Times to Delay (Bachelors of America)

9. Fifty Flowers of May (TeleFlora)

And last–and maybe least:

10. Fifty Uses for Clay (Pottery Barn)

We shall refer to these as “rippos.” Yes, a series of Jack the Rippos, with all the Jills tumbling after.

After all, there’s only one thing worse than a bad idea getting its fifteen minutes of fame: all the greedy geese who follow along, trying to extend it … to half an hour.

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about personal appearances or scheduling an event