Cracked 5 … December 19th, 2017


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Very Unusual Birthday Wishes

A. “Thought you were dead. Now that I know you’re alive, it gives me a chance to kill you.”

 

B. “I knew your mother. You could be my bastard.”

 

C. “We baked your birthday cake. Unfortunately, our dog, Fritzenrod, peed on it, so please don’t eat.”

 

D. “I was going to buy you a birthday present–then realized you were not that shallow.”

 

E. “The ancestors of John Wilkes Booth found out you had the same birthday as him. They changed his.

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Cracked 5 … April 4th, 2017

 

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Could These Possibly Be the Worst April Fool’s Jokes of All Time?

A.  “Hurry, Romeo! I think Juliet is dead!”

 

B.  “Mr. Booth, are you sure the President is expecting you?”

 

C.  “Adam, it’s called an apple. You’re just so stubborn–won’t try new things.”

 

D.  “Ava, don’t think of it as a bunker. It is our basement love nest.”

 

E.  “Listen, Lucifer, I’ve got this great place I’m sending you. It’s called Earth.”

 

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Cracked 5 … July 19th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Other Activities Available at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio

 

A. A film

A 73-minute tribute to the National Football League team from Cleveland, entitled “Browns Lives Matter”

 

B. A lecture

“Watergate: What’s the Big Deal?”

 

C. A seminar

“Dowsing and Divining: Come Thirsty and Bring Your Own Crooked Stick”

 

D. A display

“The John Wilkes Booth: Buy Your Own Derringer (no background necessary)”

 

E. A petition

Sign up to get Lawrence Welk and Wayne Newton inducted into the Cleveland Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Republican Girl

 

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You Just Can’t … June 21, 2013

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swastikaYou just can’t be a German citizen and praise the technological advances of Hitler during the Nazi regime.

You also can’t be a big, fat guy like me and think you’re going to help someone suffering from anorexia.

Also ill-advised is to be a Japanese-American commemorating the great victory of your people on December 7th, 1941, at Pearl Harbor.

May I suggest that you NOT live amongst the American Indians and open up a business selling t-shirts that read, Trail of Tears: Come on! Get Over It!”

Today is not a very good day to be a rapper insisting that the lyrics may SOUND violent, but they’re not actually intended for gangster activity, while simultaneously trying to honor the memory of Lil Snupe.

Even if you’re living in Mexico and have great national pride, it is probably still tacky to discuss how you really “stomped ’em at the Alamo.”

Just a hint to Paula Deen: you might refrain from admitting, with your thick southern accent, that you have used derogatory racial slurs when referring to a population which is growing in numbers, influence and strength.

Here’s a clue about an investment to avoid: don’t put your money into the John Wilkes Booth Theater, even if you believe he was a great actor.

Also wise would be to avoid opening a casino in the Black Hills called Custer’s Last Casino.casino

If you were a minister living in Massachusetts, you might not want to launch any anti-witch campaign.

Even if it was ordained by the Pope, giving a shout-out to the Crusades is very similar to praising Osama bin Laden for his aiming of aircraft.confederate flag

And quite bluntly, displaying a confederate flag while insisting that you’re merely tipping your hat to the heritage of the south does not address the sting of four hundred years of bigotry and abuse.

There are things you just can’t do because they’ve been tainted by the actions of those who came before you. You can feel free to scream about your liberty, but don’t forget: with liberty MUST come justice.

And justice demands we consider someone besides ourselves … while pursuing our individuality.

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