Sit Down Comedy … May 17th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

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ROLY-POLY WITH JUICES

I am so roly-poly with the creative juices of exhilarated existence that I can no longer sip on the drip provided by a religious system which offers me exercises in worship, while robbing me of my strength, leaving me anemic and weak.

PLUMP WITH PURPOSE

Likewise, I am plump with purpose, and can no longer sit around with the abstract questioning of politicians who only pursue the trap and the snare rather than allowing themselves to use their position to reconfigure the world.

CHUBBY WITH MERCY

I am chubby with mercy and will not constrain myself to go on a diet of selfish, judgmental decisions against those who are created in the image of the one I say is my Father.

OBESE WITH HUMILITY

Yes, I find myself obese with the humility that chokes the heartless part of me that would pridefully believe I can follow some sort of continuing, narrowing path, and never find my steps to those in need.

ROTUND WITH CAPITAL

I am rotund with capital. Yes, money sufficient to care for my own self, and still coins and dollars left over for those the Spirit of God might bring across the pathway of my humanity.

FAT WITH ABUNDANT LIFE

I am too fat with abundant life to ever starve again on the leftovers provided by those who fear death so much that they can’t live.

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Cracked 5 … February 16th, 2019

 

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Jonathots Daily Blog

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Valentine’s Day gifts that are leftover because for some reason, they didn’t sell well

 

A.  A mega-20-pack pregnancy test

 

B.  A six-month gym membership

 

C.  Certificate for mole removal (limit 2)

 

D.  Magical potion to eliminate halitosis

 

E.  Four weeks of lessons on pole dancing at “The Jumping Pussy Strip Club”

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Cracked 5 … November 24th, 2018

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Jonathots Daily Blog

(3865)

What To Do With Leftover Thanksgiving Food

A. Gravy smoothies

 

B. Use the white meat to defoliate dead skin on your feet

 

C. Wrap them in Christmas paper and send them to people you don’t like

 

D. Turkey pumpkin tarts

 

E. Just shut up and eat the meat, avoiding the green parts

 

 

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Cracked 5 … November 28th, 2017

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Jonathots Daily Blog

(3505)

 

Reasons that Leftover Turkey Often Tastes Better

A. Stewing in its own juices, it found some answers.

 

B. Not needing to compete against the arrogant Honey Baked Ham.

 

C. Spent some time in the “cooler”–got born again.

 

D. People are hungry again by Saturday.

 

E. Rejected at the original feast, it gained character.

 

 

 

Good News and Better News… October 16th, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3462)

The world curses

We praise

The world complains

We sing

The world divides

United we stand

The world judges

We forgive

The world’s mean

We are kind

Yet for some reason, because there is a screaming dialogue constantly going on, promoting “might makes right,” we become tempted to curse, complain, divide, judge and be mean.

When we don’t, we feel like limp, leftover losers.

Please observe the picture inserted.

This is a bowl of some leftover something-or-other that we had several days ago, and enjoyed thoroughly–so much so that we thought we might reheat it and have a second go at it. We didn’t. So because it sat around, it got old and eventually became unidentifiable. Once I got the picture, I threw the leftovers away.

The Jesonian–the lifestyle of Jesus–is not a practice of being defensive. We’re not supposed to wait until the world curses to praise, nor should we wait until the whole world is erupting in meanness to express kindness. If we do, we appear to be leftovers.

It may not sound very practical to approach North Korea with diplomacy. It may seem unrealistic. So we are ready to enter a third conflict, already entangled in two unwinnable wars. It’s the thrill of the kill, which is always much more intriguing to those who are not going to be killed or have to do the killing.

The church has lost its heart–and the heart of the church is Jesus. The soul of the church is God, the mind of the church is the Holy Spirit, and the strength of the church is the Body of Christ, working together.

We’ve lost our heart.

No longer do we thoroughly believe in the Golden Rule. We think it might be a great idea, but has no application–just a doctrine for limp leftover losers.

We piously believe we’re better than those who are cloying and clawing their way to the top–but then we buy magazines to read all about who they dissed, who they hurt and who they’re sexually involved with.

Being in love with Jesus is more than dipping your head in reverence to the cross. It’s lifting your head in respect to a message–and it’s holding that head high, knowing that evil cannot win. It’s just too greedy. It eventually chews off its own leg.

There will never be a replacement for praise, singing, standing, forgiving, and kindness. It is what the victors do after the vanquished have failed.

The good news is that we have a message.

The better news is, the message always ultimately wins.

 

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