Cracked 5 … March 9th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

What Actually Happens When a Lion Encounters a Lamb

A.  He actually eats him

 

B.  He sometimes chokes on the wool—while eating him

 

C.  Has to excuse himself for slurping—while eating the lamb

 

D.  Regrets not having mint jelly—during eating the lamb

 

E.  Forgets to say a word of grace

Snarling Lion

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Sit Down Comedy … September 21st, 2018

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Women Are Not the Booby Prize

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Published in: on September 21, 2018 at 2:53 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Salient … April 23rd, 2018

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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We called him “Denny the Dork” because we were twelve-year-old jackasses. He was socially awkward, walking around in a mental fog from the bog.

We could have been nicer, but when you’re twelve years old, nice is something you think people should do to you. It never occurs in your adolescent mind to be the initiator.

Denny was the equipment manager of our seventh-grade football team. If he had just brought water and taken care of the uniforms, he would have been fine. But Denny was inquisitive–what you might refer to as “an experimenter.”

One day Denny decided to replace the pads in the football pants with poster board. For some reason, nobody noticed while donning the uniforms–and after the practice, everybody arrived back in the locker room with extra bruises, and one kid had a dislocated knee.

When Denny’s act was discovered, he quickly explained that he wanted to learn the purpose of the pads, and thought the best way to do so was to remove them.

This made complete sense to him. It did not to the coach. Denny was kicked off the team and spent about six weeks coming to school early, to help the janitor clean the toilets.

Likewise, we have a lot of people in our world today who are determined to extract civility and kindness just to see what happens.

Is it curiosity? Is it a fear that goodness makes us all look weak and simpy? I don’t know. But because that emotional padding has been removed from our society, people are showing up bruised and broken.

Unfortunately, there is not one “Denny the Dork” to blame. All parts of our society–religion, business, politics, entertainment and even education–are permeated with the contention that dominating one another is preferable to accommodating.

We have allowed the jungle to be released, but unfortunately, none of us have the girth of the elephant, the tough hide of the lion, nor the universal survivability of the cockroach.

We are a vulnerable species that needs to be treated tenderly, or we break.

Yet there seems to be a competition to see who can be the “assiest hole” or the “assholiest.” (Yes, I think that second one fits it better, don’t you?People who act like asses but portray it is the holy mission of self-esteem they pursue.)

Yet in a room full of people who are crazy, suggesting mental instability is neither helpful or healthy. So today I stand as one soul speaking to you, saying that we have removed the padding which protects us from bruising each other.

It’s time to call ourselves dorks, and change this pattern.

So here is your salient moment:

You can’t make omelets without eggs, just like you can’t create a beautiful life without courtesy.

 

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PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant … March 21st, 2018

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Until the Race is Run

I don’t agree

with the average flea

but we both

admire the dog

I never laugh

with the common giraffe

but took a leap

with a big green frog

I once gave my vote

to a gruff billy goat

who quickly found my stash

and ate up all my cash

I saw one cryin’

a big burly lion

I offered him my clothes

he just bit my nose

and then there was the snake

I thought it was a fake

it slithered into the garden

I had to beg for pardon

on the plane

flying coach

I sat next

to a roach

it took up too much space

a tentacle in my face

the Earth gave me birth

and the sun, so much fun

I am finding out my worth

until the race is run 

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PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant … March 22nd, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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God Sees

The birds love to sing

They so enjoy the spring

The birds build a nest

Where they can find their rest

 

The dogs love to growl

Sniff about and prowl

They love to be alone

So they can chew their bone

 

The fish love to splash

Swim away in a flash

Steal bait when they can

Avoid the frying pan

 

The lion lives to roar

While hunting for the boar

Never feels to be the least

Always king of the beast

 

The roach likes to scurry

Always in a hurry

Hoping its legs are true

To escape the squashing shoe

 

Cats adore to lounge

Then briefly they may scrounge

Maintaining their feline cool

Never playing the pet fool

 

The human loves to complain

Exasperated, nearly insane

To appear to be in charge

Making problems seem large

 

And God sees each one

From His home beyond the sun.

 

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Populie: We’re Only Human… November 26, 2014

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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animal man

A mite of monkey

A little lion

A bit of bird

A teaspoon of turtle

A cup of camel

A dab of dog

A pinch of perch

And a dash of dinosaur.

Human beings. That’s who we are.

We are the storage warehouse–the culmination of all evolution–and the art museum for the Creator’s masterpieces.

Yet “we’re human” is used as an excuse instead of a motivation.

Politics loves the populie, “we’re only human,” because it provides an adequate excuse for the latest scandal.

Entertainment extols the virtue of our limitations so as to look on the darker side of our appetites, providing for a more venial outlook on our progress as a species.

And of course, religion feels the need to make us look as weak as possible in an attempt to maintain the strength of the Almighty.

We get sucked up in it.

We begin to believe that we are just part of the animal kingdom, even though Jesus jokingly, tongue in cheek, told the disciples they were worth “many sparrows.”

If we do gain a moment’s breath of spirituality, we’re encouraged to seek false humility in our attempt to worship God instead of seeking the “Christ in us,” which is the hope of glorious things happening.

Here are three things about human beings. I would ask you to place them deep in your memory banks and make sure, the next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself, that you recall these ample axioms:

1. We are created in God’s image.

If you’re an atheist, you are still aware that going into business with what you perceive to be your nearest relative, the chimpanzee, would certainly make for a failed project. We are unique by creation. If you do not believe in such a thing, we at least are unique by design.

2. We can feel, pray, think and do our way into or out of any difficulty.

There is no other species which has ever lived on earth with that quartet of possibilities.

3. We can choose to love.

Other animals mate, have bonds, maintain connections through offspring, but never really get the choice of loving.

These three things, combined, grant us an inner aura of divine nature, which can either be tapped or drained. The choice is yours.

But do not allow yourself to become part of a culture which, in an attempt to do away with God and personal responsibility, degrades the human being down to the level of porpoise instead of uplifting us to purpose. 

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Why Homing, Part 2… September 1, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

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bird out of nestIt’s never an easy day.

Whether it’s the bird in the nest, the lion in the pride or the crow in the murder, any time the offspring is moved from its location with family into the surrounding world, it certainly is frightening. Yet every species of the animal kingdom faithfully execute this ritual with precision absent misgiving … except humans.

And truthfully, we’ve gotten worse at it:

  • In the days of Judaism, a boy became a man at thirteen.
  • In the Old West, a child was either married or given a gun to hunt for his family at sixteen.
  • Move into the last century, and eighteen was considered the time to escape the rigors of the household and find your place.

Now we have people living in their home with their mother and father into their twenties and even some into their thirties.

Everybody jerks a few tears when they hear a story about people “stickin’ up for family” or “lovin’ their family,” or the phrase, “there’s nothin’ better than family.” But sooner or later we have to have a line of demarcation so that our children can become the next generation of adults, or else their procreation will not be parented well. Then, within three generations, we will have such a confusion of responsibility and role-playing that we won’t know who the parents are and who the children are.

So the time you spend with family should be a discovery of the artist, the soul, the thinker and the worker. And when you finally do get out into the wide open spaces, you will look for those individuals who carry the attributes which have been of value to your life.

It will make it easier to build friendships and long-lasting partnerships if you are free of suspicion and are not prejudiced against any one of the four, contending that one is supreme over the others.

  • Yes, if your parents teach you that it’s important to be a thinker, you may deny the value of the artist, reject spirituality and assume that others will do the work based upon your great discoveries in thought.
  • Likewise, workers can feel they are superior by sheer sweat.
  • An artist can act like a diva because he or she does not understand the pure gold of hard work.
  • And a spiritual person can totally ignore the advances of science and reject the beauty of entertainment and creativity.

If you teach your children to be balanced–to recognize the need for the artist, the soul, the thinker and the worker within the family structure–when they do leave the nest, they will easily find others who enrich their lives.

As Jesus said so beautifully, “My mother, my brother and my sister are those who do the will of my Father.”

Exactly. Family is everywhere.

May we all have the heart of an artist, the soul of a giver, the brain of a thinker and the will power of a worker–just enough to give us a balance so we can appreciate those human beings around us who teach us better ways to perform our duties.

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