Stinky Jobs … December 17, 2011

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Live from Palm Coast, Florida, in A Spirited Christmas

 

 There are stinky jobs.

 

Truthfully, I’m not a great proponent of work in general. Matter of fact, I’ve been known to sit around for an hour discussing a better way to do a five-hour task in three hours, ending up with a sixty-minute savings in exertion. People who like to work sometimes scare me because generally speaking, they enjoy presenting other abnormalities like saving money and daily exercise programs–two other things I’m not particularly fond of pursuing.

 

But there certainly is some work that’s stinkier than others. For instance, I would not like to be the campaign manager for a candidate who’s running fourth in the polls in a four-person contest. You would still have to show up every day to headquarters, with doughnuts and coffee for everybody, a smile on your face, hiding newspapers from personnel and making sure the television set was off so as not to discourage the work force. You would still have to listen to all the speeches–knowing that a final selection would be a concession one. Stinky job.

 

Here’s another one: being the manager at the late night shift at a McDonald’s and having the responsibility of throwing away all the extra hamburgers not purchased during the day. I’m sorry–I would want to look at all those brave burgers and adopt them, probably stuffing them down my pants to hide it from the staff, only to drive too slowly on the way home because I was worried about my thievery, and get picked up by a policeman who notices my nervous mannerisms and asks me to step out of my vehicle, to discover during his search that I was toting beef in my shorts. (You can see, I’ve thought this through…)

 

While we’re on the subject, let me mention another stinky job. I don’t think I’d want to be a defense attorney for a serial killer who had murdered twenty-three nuns while they were kneeling in prayer. What could you say? “Come on, folks! We’ve all wanted to chop SOMEBODY up and put ’em in a burlap bag and toss ’em in a Goodwill bin for redistribution.  Haven’t you?”  (After all, genuflecting can be annoying.) Nasty business.

 

But truthfully, one of the most difficult employments–a stinky job–would be the promotion of the word “tinsel.” First of all, it’s a seasonal occupation, since no one really uses the stuff any time other than Christmas. Tinsel is out of the question at a Bar-Mitzvah. Immediately you would have the needful goal of separating the word “tinsel” from its two inferior cousins–“glitter” and “glamour.” Am I right? Because whenever anyone wants to refer to something shallow, they cite “tinsel and glamor” or “tinsel and glitter.” Yes,”tinsel” would have to create more profound relationships. I mean, if you’re going to sell this to the public, you would have to try something like “tinsel and prayer.” How about “tinsel and debate?” One of my favorites would be “tinsel and charity.” If you think about it, it’s really unfair. Because even though we associate tinsel with triviality, we all have it as a guilty pleasure during holiday times and use it to decorate our trees and surroundings.

 

Here’s another quandary. There are those who become confused about whether tinsel is the garland that goes around the trees or if it’s the icesickles that are strewn upon the boughs.  (Yes, the beginning of all prejudice is falce perception …)

 

How could you promote “tinsel” when it is used so fervently by the faithful but in moments of weakness is betrayed and cast aside as meaningless drivel? Yes–that would be a stinky job.

 

Yet I will tell you this–even if a Jehovah’s Witness who did not celebrate Christmas was to suddenly pick ONE thing to commemorate the birth of a savior, it just might be tinsel. Flashing lights would be out of the question. Manger scenes? Graven images. But tinsel would be pretty, while still maintaining some purity.

 

What WOULD be the correct way to improve the popularity of tinsel? I men, as an idea, not merely as a product. Do you agree with me? It would be a stinky job.

 

It would almost be as difficult as trying to promote a daily column on the Internet by a bizarre writer who actually thinks about stuffing Big Macs down his trousers.

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Here comes Christmas! For your listening pleasure, below is Manger Medley, Jonathan’s arrangement of Away in the Manger, which closes with him singing his gorgeous song, Messiah.  Looking forward to the holidays with you!

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To see books written by Jonathan, click the link below! You can peruse and order if you like!

http://www.janethan.com/tour_store.htm

I Almost Missed It … December 14, 2011

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Live from Palm Coast, Florida, in A Spirited Christmas

 

The day after Thanksgiving I woke up with a sore throat.

After many years of planet dwelling, I am well aware that a sore throat means I am coming down with a cold, and like most mortals, that is the standard formula of “three days coming, three days of snotiness with you and three days leaving.” Also, my particular viruses enjoy settling into my chest, turning my voice into a cesspool of pitches.

Here was the problem–I was about to begin a fourteen-day, thirteen-performance Christmas tour. Being the typical human being that I am, I was wondering if I could survive through the weekend before the cold overtook me, and exactly how many dates I would have to cancel due to incapacitation. It was not an issue of if dates would be canceled. No. In my mind, it was an issue of whether it would be two, four, or worst case scenario–all of them.

I made it through the weekend. But on Monday I sprouted another symptom–a stomach virus, which caused my internal organs to be visible on the outside of my body. Yet somehow I survived the Monday night presentation–kind of inching my way along like a really fat worm. By Tuesday I felt better. What was interesting was that the introduction of the stomach virus frightened my cold symptoms away. I guess it’s really true that God does not tempt us beyond what we can bear–because to be sneezing and coughing while having diarrhea may be the true definition of double-trouble.

I made it through Tuesday night, Wednesday night and by Thursday night I had completely forgotten about all infirmities and was taking for granted my good health. Now, having completed the entire tour, I realize I nearly missed a miracle. Isn’t that amazing? I didn’t miss a date. The shows were great, and I was never late. But I quickly took it for granted instead of marveling over the miracle of the Christmas tour.

Yes, I almost missed it.

That’s why I’m stopping off today to tell you amazing folks one of the greater secrets to life. (It isn’t really a secret at all. I just thought that added great flair to my writing…) Because I can tell you with certainty that miracles are what happen when our plans actually come to fruition because they were unselfish enough to include as many people as possible.

Miracles are not turning water into wine. A miracle is when you find a good, tasty cup of water. I don’t need the wine. I don’t need parlor tricks to convince me that life is good. I need to be able to use my brain while tapping my emotions and spirit to come up with ideas that meet my needs, and in the process help others–and then use all my energy to do my best to enact these notions, trusting God to be benefactor and cheerleader.

For instance, all the vegetables I had consumed during the year helped with my immune system and gave God good reason to protect me from the onslaught of my cold. I understand that the little bit of exercise that I do was also of great assistance in dispelling my stomach virus as quickly as those little boogers will depart. I now see that everything worked together to the good–because I did love the Lord, trusted Him and am trying to learn how this planet works rather than bucking the system.

I don’t know what’s going to happen to me tomorrow. But I do know that every time I get in my car and turn on the key it is possible that the car will not start. Am I saying it’s a miracle when my car starts? No. What I’m saying is this: a car starting is better than one that doesn’t–and if I’m intelligent I will appreciate my engine igniting instead of misfiring.

You see, I almost missed it. I almost missed the miracle of everything working together to the good and at the end of the process, me completing a tour that could have just as easily been canceled. So what did I learn?

Miracles are my plans with God’s nod and others included. When that happens, we can certainly welcome additional visitations by acknowledging the process.

So I’m about to leave and go out to my car. If I expect my car to start, I will be infuriated if it doesn’t. If I’m grateful for my car starting, I may be willing to grant my vehicle absolution for those times it fails to spark.

I know it sounds child-like. It is. Every good thing in life comes from learning to appreciate what is provided, as if it were a Christmas toy instead of a demanded paycheck.

If you can keep that simplicity, you can rule the world … or at least the part that you have planned.

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Here comes Christmas! For your listening pleasure, below is Manger Medley, Jonathan’s arrangement of Away in the Manger, which closes with him singing his gorgeous song, Messiah.  Looking forward to the holidays with you!

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To see books written by Jonathan, click the link below! You can peruse and order if you like!

http://www.janethan.com/tour_store.htm