Jonathots Daily Blog
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Some Favorite Excuses for Being an Asshole
A. “I’m researching for a role in a movie.”
B.“I’m avidly religious.”
C. “I am married to one.”
D. “I have a brain tumor.”
E. “I am in politics.”
Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … November 26th, 2016
Jonathots Daily Blog
(3130)
Woman: I’m pregnant.
Man: What do you mean?
Woman: You don’t know what pregnant is?
Man: Yes, I know what pregnant is, I just don’t know why you would think you’re pregnant.
Woman: I was told I was.
Man: It’s not possible.
Woman: What do you mean, it’s not possible?
Man: I mean, I’m engaged to you and I know that I haven’t had sex with you, so the possibility of you being pregnant is zilch.
Woman: Listen, and listen carefully. I would like you to listen even if you don’t believe what I’m saying. And listen with the mind that the last thing in the world I would want to do is lie to you.
Man: You’re creeping me out. What are you trying to say?
Woman: I’m trying to say that I have been visited.
Man: You’ve had another man?
Woman: No, of course not. We’re going to be married. I… Well, I don’t know. Do you believe in angels?
Man: Are you asking me if I believe in angels or if I think there really are angels? Because it’s a different answer.
Woman: Are you saying you believe in things you don’t think are real?
Man: Hell, yes. There are two kinds of belief. There’s the belief that if I put seed in the ground, it will grow and I’ve got a good chance of a harvest. Then there’s belief in angels, which I’ve never seen, have no evidence of and just decide to go along with because the God who makes the seed grow insists they are real.
Woman: That’s interesting. Because the God who makes that seed grow has placed a seed in me that’s growing.
Man: Woman, you’ve lost me.
Woman: I hope not. I hope you can just listen a little bit more and understand. Because even if I’m crazy and this is all in my brain and I am stark raving nuts, I’m going to need you to hang around and take care of me. But if what I’m telling you turns out to be real, I’m going to need you to hang around to be part of it.
Man: Cut to the chase. What are we talking about?
Woman: An angel has told me that God is placing a baby inside me who is going to be the Messiah.
Man: What? Why you?
Woman: Thank you very much for that vote of confidence. I don’t know why me. Maybe it’s because everybody else turned Him down. Or maybe He knew that I was willing to at least consider it was possible.
Man: Let me go over what I’m hearing. You’re telling me that an actual angel spoke to you, telling you that God was going to give you a baby even though you haven’t been with a man…
Woman: Apparently that’s important–the fact that it isn’t coming from one fellow. The baby isn’t coming from one nation, or this baby isn’t the actual “seed of David,” but instead is a child of all the Earth…
Man: But you see, that’s where you’re wrong. The prophecies say that the baby will come through the loins of the seed of David, birthed from a Jew. Why would God have all these men in the Old Testament and then suddenly turn to a woman to deliver His messenger?
Woman: Actually, he’s supposed to be called Jesus.
Man: I am so freaking disappointed in you. If you made a mistake and slept with someone…I don’t know. Maybe I could forgive you. But at least I would not feel insulted that you thought you could deceive me with this tale of angels.
Woman: I completely understand your point. I knew when I came to tell you the story, I had to be prepared for the fact that it’s so unbelievable that you would not be able to comprehend it. I don’t know why the angel didn’t tell us together… but I think God just got tired of men dominating women, and He decided to do something with a woman, minus the man.
Man: There’s no history of it.
Woman: There’s never been a Messiah before.
Man: So what am I supposed to do?
Woman: You’re supposed to listen to me–which you’ve done–and decide for yourself if I’m a cheater, a deceiver, crazy, or blessed.
Man: No man could do that. No man could sort through this mess.
Woman: Maybe you’ll need an angel, too…
Man: Well, until my angel shows up, let me tell you that loving someone is not something that comes quickly and goes away just as quickly. Standing here, I feel bruised, upset, cheated… but in love. I need my thoughts to myself. I don’t want to say something stupid and hurt you, but I also don’t want to say something silly and find out you’re laughing at me.
Woman: I understand all of that. Parts of it hurt. Parts of it are reassuring. But I know this–even if I’m crazy, it’s my crazy. And I can’t turn my back on it. I promised I would be willing to see it through.
Man: Maybe we should sleep on it.
Woman: Maybe we should.
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Confessing … September 5th, 2015
Jonathots Daily Blog
(2683)
XVIII.
I confess so I can heal.
If I deny, I remain sick.
She was married and so was I–but not to each other.
She loved my mind.
I, hers.
We were connected in heart and soul.
From the first day, she sat and listened to my compositions, and I told her I wanted to record them and put them out, while starting my own music group to travel the country, sharing.
She was there.
She signed up.
For eight years, she stayed devoted to the dream as we crossed the nation, appeared on the PTL Club, the stage of the Grand Ole Opry, recorded at Johnny Cash’s studio, and even, in some cities, hit the gospel music charts.
We were close.
She was happy.
I wanted more.
I misinterpreted her consecration and faith in me for romance. I pushed. She pulled back, so I pushed some more.
She didn’t want to lose our friendship and mission, so she would occasionally give in to some awkward situations. Yes, she pretended to be interested.
She wasn’t.
I knew it.
This sometimes made me fussy and mean. We argued.
I turned something spiritual into a carnal nightmare. We never did anything. Honestly, if she had opened up to the boy-girl thing, I probably would have run like a frightened school child. She tried to reason with me.
Then her husband had an affair. She was broken and anguished. They divorced.
But rather than being a friend to her, I was just another source of conflict. She thought about dating, and because we were such good friends she asked me about it, but I discouraged her because of my raging jealousy.
She was so unhappy.But she still stayed as long as she could because she loved the music.
I drove her away–and when she left, she felt like we couldn’t be friends anymore without errupting the volcano of dissatisfaction.
We should have great memories.
We should be contacting each other frequently with updates on our lives.
But you see, I wasn’t happy with mere happiness. I wanted a “more” that I couldn’t explain but still tried to pursue.
I was young, foolish and self-centered.
I am sorry.
I had her full love, deep respect and tremendous honor–and lost it in pursuit of her flesh.
Love isn’t crazy.
I am crazy to have lost a living love … for the prospect of a temporary connection.
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Coupling … February 27, 2014
Jonathots Daily Blog
(2163)
Over the Christmas holidays a friend asked me to go to a movie. I joked with him that two guys in a theater together might be perceived as “gay.”
In the midst of what we consider to be a great transformation of cultural awareness in the United States of America, we are also simultaneously becoming more cautious, provincial and suspicious. At times I wonder if I could take my fifteen-year-old granddaughter out to dinner without people musing whether it’s an episode of Law and Order: SVU.
And then there’s the issue that for eighteen years I have been traveling with a vibrant woman who is talented, plays music and is a great business partner, but I still have people asking if we’re married. How many married people do you know who make music together? There’s a difference between two turtle doves in a nest and a pair of eagles, soaring high.
This led me to think about the dilemma faced by Jesus in the Good Book, when he decided to send his friends and disciples out two by two. How controversial that must have been.
- Could he send two guys together without everybody thinking they were Greek homosexuals?
- How about a man and woman, without everybody speculating on their copulating?
- Check this one out–could two women go out in that male-dominated society and make an impact for his Kingdom Movement?
- One black, one white?
- How about Jew and Gentile?
- And what would happen if you mixed a Samaritan in there, whom, it seemed, everybody hated?
Yes, the decision to send people out two by two–coupling them–was probably one of the more radical propositions Jesus ever initiated.
Because even though we proclaim that our world needs more good news, human beings are actually drawn to bad news, even as they insist how ugly it is, and then whisper the gossip to every living soul they meet.
So this I know:
- Do what works.
- Don’t expect it to be accepted.
- Get the chip off your shoulder and refuse to be defensive.
- Keep doing it … and bear fruit.
America will be a much better country when we get out of our national funk of abiding arrogance … and crippling fear.
The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity
Click for details on the SpirTed 2014 presentation
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Perfectly Imperfect … November 30, 2013
Jonathots Daily Blog
(2081)
She was born on October 1st, 1987.
She has graciously selected to refer to me as her “godfather,” minus the Marlon Brando impersonation, mob hits and Academy Awards.
She was an only child, but surrounded by a gang of boys who teased her, bordering on the verge of torment, which some people in our modern day would consider to be bullying, but ended up working out sufficiently (as far as we know).
For after all, we live in an imperfect world, which is perfectly designed for our penchant for imperfection.
Today she is getting married.
She has asked me to officiate at the ceremony. Honored, I am preparing to do my best.
She is romantically joining together with another human being at a time when such relationships are considered to be expendable, if not ridiculous. She is attempting to launch the ship of their future in a harbor infested with the pirates of indecision, infidelity and inadequacy.
I don’t wish to offer her any advice–mainly due to its imperfection–but I would counsel her to pay heed to herself and be true.
- Have a heart that’s pure. You should never go to sleep with feelings because they always wake up on the wrong side of the bed.
- Have a soul that’s satisfied–not in yourself, but in the awareness that God has simplified His position, authority and personage into the next human being you run across. Yes, people are God, and every time you forget it, you become an atheist.
- Renew your mind. Purposefully find one opinion each and every day that has proven to be wrong and set out to change it by challenging its location within your skull.
- And maintain a healthy body–at least as long as you can. Death is chasing us from the time we’re born. True joy is the combination of ignoring it and punching it in the nose.
They named her Anisa, this god-daughter of mine. She was given this name because it was one of the characters in one of my novels. In this book, the girl named Anisa is a princess, filled with spunk, beauty and intelligence.
How apropos.
Happy wedding day, my dear. Keep an eye on your heart, soul, mind and body, and rejoice that the world created for you … is perfectly imperfect.
The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity
Click for details on the SpirTed 2014 presentation
Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about scheduling SpiriTed in 2014.
click to hear music from Spirited 2014
The Day After… July 5, 2013
Jonathots Daily Blog
(1934)
The day after I was born, I was a squalling, moody, pink blob of pending poop.
The day after my first kindergarten class, I was confused by the ABC’s, hoping and praying we would spend more time with round-tipped scissors and delicious paste.
The day after puberty began, I was greatly enamored with my abilities and appearance while frightened that I had five more years of school and celibacy.
The day after I graduated from high school, I was shocked by how little the world cared.
The day after I got married, I realized that my wife needed a man, and I had no idea whatsoever where to find one.
The day after my first son was born, I was surprised that no one would let me be a child with him.
The day after I nearly died, I concluded that life is brief and unsympathetic to the procrastinator.
And …
The day after they signed the Declaration of Independence, very frightened patriots probably wished they could take it back.
Fear is what intelligent people do to buy some time to gain courage.
The day after I die, I will know if what I believe is real–or just a bunch of crap.
Scary.
Lord, grant me the time … to muster bravery.
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