Sit Down Comedy … October 26th, 2018

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Knocked Out

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

What do you mean, who’s there?

I mean, who’s there?

It’s me.

Me who?

Me who, who?

What is that–a Chinese philosopher? Man, that sounds really racist.

What are you talking about?

Me who who. Your joke.

I didn’t make a joke. I said me who.

Wait a second, I’m confused.

I’m just following the script.

What script?

The knock-knock script.

Is that anything like a knock-off script?

Was that supposed to be funny?

Funnier than me-who-who.

So what are you getting at?

I’m getting at that I just came to see you.

So why didn’t you ring the doorbell?

I thought it would be more charming to say knock-knock.

Actually, it was confusing.

Why is knocking at a door confusing?

A, because no one does it anymore and B, because it’s a setup for a joke.

What joke?

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

So you DO know.

I just wanted to see how far we could go with it. And by the way, I’m not a racist.

No one thinks he’s a racist

Wouldn’t a racist think he’s a racist?

No. A racist thinks he’s proud of his color.

That sounds weird.

So does saying knock-knock.

How did that ever get started?

What?

The knock-knock thing.

Probably with two guys sittin’ around with nothing to do who should probably be working and making a living.

Are you referring to us?

Or any other two guys similar to us who have no real lives and try to come up with something they thought was funny and were astonished when it caught on–especially when they realized they had no patent on it and therefore could make no money.

You think the guys who came up with knock-knock didn’t make any money on it?

I know so. Because it was two women.

Is that a slam against women?

No, that’s a slam against what they get paid.

Well, I came to see you.

Why?

Actually, I can’t remember.

Why don’t you start over again?

Okay. Ding-dong!

You’re kidding, right?

It might catch on.

Okay. Who’s there?

King Kong.

King Kong who?

King Kong ding-dong.

I don’t think you understand this at all.

My friends used to play this when I was a kid but I always thought it was stupid so I would leave whenever it started.

Was that also true for history, math, English and sex education?

You see, that’s kind of funny.

Actually, it’s very funny.

But knock-knock is not funny.

It’s older than you and me put together.

So if something is around long enough, it has value?

That’s why hypocrisy is still here.

And hate, I assume.

And thank God, love.

Boy, has this gotten sappy.

It’s all because you don’t know how to play knock-knock.

I didn’t say I don’t know how–just that I didn’t like it.

I’m getting very tired of talking about this.

Just think how bored the readers are, having to go back and forth between two characters who aren’t named.

But we kind of trapped them, didn’t we? Because it looked short–at least not very wide, when they decided to start.

And now they’re wondering if we’re going to come to some sort of clever conclusion.

So you’re saying we tricked them?

Pretty much.

Do you think they’re still reading?

Most of them.

Why do you think that’s so?

Because they don’t understand that we’re really two klutzes who don’t have a closing for this bit.

How long do you think they would keep on reading?

A long time.

I think we just lost some right there.

I don’t because I’m going to accuse you of being a racist again and tell the readers that I’m about to name the top five racists in America.

Where did you get such a list?

Racists.com.

There’s no such thing.

Do you think they’re still reading?

Yeah, because they’re waiting to see if I actually name five bigots.

Are you going to?

Nope.

So we must have lost some by now.

But not all of them…

Why do you think that’s true?

Because they’ve come this far and they’re bound and determined to see it through.

So should there be a payoff?

We could just pretend it’s a political speech and make it long and meaningless.

I think we’ve already done that.

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

People reading.

People reading who?

Us, dummy.

See the power of the knock-knock joke?

I still don’t like it.

Let me give you some good advice…don’t knock-knock it until you try it.

 

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G-Poppers … February 3rd, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3207)

G-Pop loves math.

He hates mathematics.

When he discovered that things could be added together, arriving at a sum, he found the experience to be practical.

Even subtraction had its appeal because after all, things come and things go.

Multiplication opened the door to expansion–blessing.

But then, division. Even as a young boy, G-Pop wondered what the power was of being divisive.

Thus began the journey, or dare we say head trip–into mathematics.

After division came algebra, where letters were substituted for numbers. Go figure.

Then geometry–everything analyzed from the position of points. Unfortunately, it seemed rather pointless to G-Pop.

Trigonometry was an angle on triangles, and calculus–well, G-Pop couldn’t even understand the definition.

Somewhere along the line, the educational system went from providing useful tidbits to compiling data, only applicable if you happened to be building your own rocket to the moon.

It is an obsession in our country–a religion, if you will–to worship knowledge.

Deep in our souls we understand that the purpose of knowing is to do and not just posture. But we still insist on touting egregious amounts of theorems and addendums to convince those around us that we have reached a higher level of comprehension.

I feel we do the same thing in the entertainment field. Rather than telling a story to enlighten, inspire or even mystify, we choose to pull out some extraordinary circumstance and present it, through theater, as if it’s the pending doom threatening the planet.

How about politics? We decide we want to build a bridge so we put together a 2,000-word report, which becomes a 4,000-word bill with amendments.

Sometimes it just seems we’re trying to justify the purpose for college degrees and give printers a way to pay their mortgage.

Certainly in religion, we’ve completely lost sight of what adds to us, what subtracts from us, and how we multiply. So the end result is, we’re completely divided.

We’ve lost the ability to understand that once you depart from the Golden Rule, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you’re basically interpreting dreams. For the Golden Rule is the total union of love of God, love of self, and love of other humans.

Instead, we want to talk about the Trinity, the seed of David, the order of angels, the make-up of heaven, the interpretation of the Book of Revelation, the Tabernacle of David, and exactly which sins are unacceptable, forbidding someone from entering the Kingdom, and which ones get a wink.

G-Pop is not against knowledge, but just as you have to get a degree to prove you have education, knowledge must prove that it has a degree of value to the human cause to continue to be revered.

If your belief in God goes any further than “love your neighbor as yourself,” you’ve crawled down the rabbit hole with Alice–to Wonderland.

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New Covenant … May 8, 2013

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It seemed like a good idea. It almost always does. When anyone at any time is looking for a way to create or generate a Utopian situation, the main idea that comes to the forefront is to try to make everyone just like us.

God was no exception. In His original “garden plan” of uniting with mankind, He created an ideal environment with ideal circumstances so that ideally, man and God could co-exist practically as equals.

Always remember–the perfection of God is not discovered in His lack of errors, but rather, in His willingness to evolve to better efforts. Once God realized that human beings don’t make good gods, a process was set in motion to get them to understand how to come closer to heavenly conclusions, even if it was just “Ten Commandments at a time.”

They didn’t do so well with that either. Free-will creatures are rarely enticed to righteous decisions by being told what to do.

So one day God just threw away the old covenant–tossed it like a really bad worksheet of a math problem that failed to grant resolution. He came up with a new covenant.

What is a covenant? In its simplest form, it’s just an agreement. But little do we mortals realize that agreement is the grease, fuel and energy of the universe. Without it, we manufacture friction, which keeps things in constant danger of explosion. So what is the new covenant–the new agreement, if you will?

1. Humans can’t be God—so therefore it’s foolish to ask them to be godly. To impose religiosity on them makes them more obnoxious than omnipresent.

2. So God became a human. Yes, Jesus of Nazareth lived a completely human life, speckled with problems, discoveries, pursuit of wisdom, foibles and failures which had to be renovated by resurrection.

3. To teach humans to work with humans. My conclusion after traveling for many years is that most of us would like to have God as our co-pilot–and the rest of the people on the earth stuck in baggage. It doesn’t work that way. My quality is certainly evaluated by how well I play with others.

4. To create humanity–a little bit of heaven on earth. What is humanity?

a. We are not alone.

b. We are not better

c. So get to working together.

This is the New Covenant.

Tonight I go to a tiny church in Sunnyvale, Texas, that has dubbed itself New Covenant.

I am very impressed with their name–especially if they have come to the precious realization that humans can’t be God, so God became human, to teach humans to work with humans, to create humanity–a little bit of heaven on earth.

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