The S Word … June 11th, 2019

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THE

WORD

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The S word that should never be spoken or written again, in my determined opinion is:

SARCASTIC

To me it is the blending of the words “sour” and “caustic”—sour meaning a terrible taste, and caustic referring to poisonous.

Sarcastic is when defeat tries to be clever.

It is disappointment, insisting it is entertaining.

And it is despair, deciding to be inviting.

I am told there are only three things that truly abide: faith, hope and love. If this is true, then any attempts to hinder the trio is nothing more than  being sarcastic.

At one time, maybe sarcasm was just satire with a bitter edge. But now it seems to have become the way we communicate—how everything in our world seems doomed to sameness or failure. Anyone who speaks against this sarcastic attitude is considered unlearned, a snowflake or maybe even a prude.

I, for one, believe that nasty deeds begin with nasty attitudes, and nasty attitudes are birthed in the soul of a discouraged hater. And discouraged haters are cloned from other malcontents who just refuse to believe that good has the power to win.

Sarcastic is a horrible condition we find ourselves in.

Sarcastic should be abandoned.

We desperately need artists, politicians, ministers and schoolteachers who will take the time to have their creativity born again, so that they can make faith believable, hope conceivable and love attainable.

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Salient…July 9th, 2018

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There are matters that are too important to ignore or leave to chance. These are salient moments.

Strolling down any thoroughfare in 1975, it was highly unlikely that you would see a person dressed in a military uniform unless it was an aging hippie who was donning the garments to protest the whole concept of war.

Soldiering just wasn’t popular. It was not contemptuous, but it was contentious.

In other words, it created so much conflict because of the Vietnam War that people tried to avoid any discussion about army men, marines or sailors.

This continued for many years. Matter of fact, may I say that for most of you reading this, if you encountered a guidance counselor in high school, you were offered many choices on college, technical institutions and even mechanic schools. Then, at the tail end of such a conversation, you might have been given the option of military service.

A last resort.

“He is so screwed up he needs to go into the army.”

“Maybe the marines will straighten him out.”

The military was never considered a fast track to success and was often riddled with guys–and maybe even a gal or two–who “just never found themselves.”

It was a volunteer army for those who volunteered because volunteering for anything else seemed pointless.

These are hard, cold, historical facts, and have nothing to do with the sentiments of this author or even the lasting emotions of the American people. It was just felt that being grateful to a warrior seemed to be promoting the war.

Then there was a change–a needful one.

At first, it was politicians who wanted to pander to their more conservative base.

Then it was ministers in churches, welcoming the fighting men home to their families and friends.

Gradually, a phrase emerged from the lips of the American populace: “Support the troops.”

Then it evolved from this generic form, it has become: “We want to thank you for your service.”

It doesn’t make any difference if it’s President Trump, a game show host, a first grade class or Bernie Sanders–it is now universally executed. Whenever a person in uniform is standing before us, we must pipe up with, “Thank you for your service.”

We have learned to do it. Sometimes it doesn’t even sound sincere. It doesn’t matter. It is the respectful piece of etiquette, which has been inserted into our common, everyday lingo, to express a positive position.

So why can’t we do the same thing over race? Why can’t we start looking at the color of people’s skin, and honor them for surviving their struggles, battles and the ups and downs in being American citizens?

It might take a while–but perhaps we could start off by making eye contact with someone of a different race, and tenderly, through that gaze, communicate that we understand that their journey is more difficult than ours.

After all, we don’t give a nod to the troops because they’re changing light bulbs in the kitchen. That’s what we do. We give appreciation to them because they do and have done what we can’t or won’t do.

They serve. They survive. They use their intellect to protect our freedom.

Why can’t we do this with the black man?

“I want to thank your ancestors for their service to America, even though it has gone unnoticed and unheralded.”

To the Hispanic population:

“Thank you for your industrious nature, which continues to work despite all the criticism you receive.”

To the Native Americans:

“Thank you for allowing us to live on this land which was originally yours–and even though we stole it, you stopped fighting and decided to coexist with us.”

And to those from Asia:

“Thank you for coming to this country and bringing your energy, heart and family values, which we have incorporated into our own lifestyle.”

So here is your salient moment:

Support the troops. Yes, let us rally around those who are prepared to fight for our country.

But perhaps we could take the next two decades, applying the same principle we did to bring necessary respect to the armed services, to learn, once and for all, how to support the groups.

 

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Cracked 5 … April 3rd, 2018

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Matters That Really Upset the Easter Bunny During This Holiday Celebration

A. The Lucky Car Dealership giving away a rabbit’s foot for good luck as a promotional benefit during “Hoppy Sales Week”

 

B. Obtuse and confusing parallels drawn by ministers and church youth leaders between the Easter Bunny and the Resurrection of Christ

 

C. Peeps voted “Best Easter Candy.” Damn those chicks.

 

D. Jokes about the Easter Bunny being a “basket case”

 

E. Politically correct individuals upset with the term “colored eggs” want to change it to “hue-enhanced eggs.”

 

Ask Jonathots … March 3rd, 2016

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The medical field keeps people alive much longer than it used to. Do you think this is a good thing?

Are you asking me, do I think more people should be dying? (Somehow or another, I think this is a trick question.)

For thousands of years, life offered only one possibility: quality.

Quantity was fairly unlikely, except in a few rare cases, where longevity was miraculously granted without any obvious effort by the recipient.

Most people, from the time they were children, grew up with an awareness of their mortality and the realization that death was not only present, but often imminent.

So over the years, through medical advances, we have succeeded in increasing the quantity of life without really doing anything to enhance the quality.

This is what I feel about long life: Long life is wonderful if it’s good life.

To me, good life has three elements:

1. Purposeful work.
2. Expanding, growing relationships
3. A good balance of vulnerability and confidence.

The medical field does not address these situations, nor should it have to. This should be the responsibility of our philosophers, teachers and ministers.

If you’re only going to live longer to spend that time fussing about your health, well-being and treatments, then I’m not sure what you’re achieving by becoming a prisoner of your own body.

So I think pursuing a long life is an enriching experience as long as you avoid a trio of negative by-products:

A. Becoming obsessed with your physical health to the detriment of your emotional and spiritual health.

B. Allowing your concern about health to encompass your conversation to the point that you become irrelevant to younger people.

C. Living so long that you settle for a less-than-fulfilling situation, which is only a fragment of what you originally intended to have in your life journey.

Somewhere along the line we need to understand what life is all about. A great teacher once stated that “life is more than the body–what we shall eat and what we shall wear.”

So true.

So if you can give the same attention to your body that you have given to your heart, soul and mind, then I think it’s possible to live on for a long time…with joy.

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G-Poppers … February 12th, 2016

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 G-Pop remembers when he bought a dog for his youngest son.

A trip to the rescue shelter, a scanning of canine candidates, and a selection of the family mutt–an animal with so many donors that breed identification was laughable.

The whole process, counting food and bowl, was $45. For that sum, a family friend was acquired, absent any pedigree.

Yet buried in the genetics of this pup was a little bit of hound.

The young son discovered this one night when he imitated a dog howling, and the mixed-up barker launched a woeful moaning into the air.

The dog resisted his inclination. He tried to refrain from being “nothin’ but a hound dog, cryin’ all the time.”

But eventually, the sound of hound came forth.

He was embarrassed.

Matter of fact, after the outburst, he drug himself from the room to reflect on his folly.

Just for the record, we are all mutts, too.

All us Americans.

We have so many breeds within that it would be impossible to find purity in any of us. And we’ve certainly got some hound.

Yes–there is much that hounds us:

• We are hounded by our selfishness.
• We are hounded by our fears.
• Certainly hounded by our sense of entitlement.
• And also, by our prejudices.

So politicians, ministers and corporations try to get us to release our disconsolate, mournful bay.

They tempt us to be mean and grouchy.

They lure us to our worst place, where we wallow in dissatisfaction, “the hound of hell.”

So then we whine. I do think we’re embarrassed by it–we want to run and hide because of our weaker nature taking over.

But shame on those who draw out the parts that hound us.

Our dog was noble, loyal and loving.

But sometimes, to establish our pleasure–and dominance–we made him howl like a hound.

G-Pop thinks it’s time for us to stop barking at the moon.

Matter of fact, maybe it’s time for all of us to find our better pooch.

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Three Ways to Avoid Politics … October 9, 2014

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I grow very weary of politicians who discuss voting blocks, demographics and pet projects.

In like manner, ministers perturb me when they wax eloquent about liturgy, communion, baptism and the history of the church bell.

Corporations which feel they have “pulsed the market,” finding a strategy for selling their products instead of pursuing improving their quality also leave me cold.

Politics is when any institution–or even individual–attempts to execute a plan instead of planning an execution for absurdity.

Yes, politics should be avoided at all cost or it will end up robbing you of a soul, which comes in handy.

Here are three ways to avoid this political morass:

1. Evaluate issues, not causes.

For instance, I’m against all killing. Because of that, the Republicans are often angry with me when I don’t jump on the Humvee to head off to war. The Democrats frown in my direction because I’m against abortion. I don’t care. I give myself the gift of consistency, affording me the blessing of avoiding hypocrisy.

2. Don’t be afraid to be wrong.

Every great idea should be trimmed in elastic. It will need to stretch to adjust itself to the needs of humanity.

• The Constitution is not written in stone. It has required many amendments and is not yet done breathing.
• The Bible must spiritually keep up with the changing needs of the hearts of men.
• And the movies should go back to moving us instead of shocking us.

I am often wrong. Matter of fact, one of my greatest joys in life is to say “I am wrong” before someone else discovers my dumbness.

3. Think about people instead of institutions.

I frustrate Republicans, Democrats, conservatives and liberals because I have just not found that any one of them has the ability to aid the cause of Earth without in some way digging in their heels and stopping a needful evolution.

You can feel free to be political, but eventually you’ll have to swallow something which is contrary to your soul, for the good of a cause that does not address the true nature of the need.

Not for me.

I am free.

My freedom was bought with a price.

And I have no intention of selling it to the highest bidder, nor joining a party which offers nothing refreshing.

 

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Populie: Doesn’t nearly everyone watch porn? … March 19, 2014

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Eleven years old and stuck on a Saturday afternoon at my aunt and uncle’s house, so bored that my brain was itching.

I made my way upstairs to their bedroom and began to look through their drawers–when suddenly I heard a scream from behind me. It was my mother in her fully enraged mode, scurrying in my direction, waving her finger.

“Stop looking in their drawers!”

I was so frustrated and angry about being put in this situation that I fired back, “What’s wrong with it? They won’t care!”

She paused for a moment, and then, in a more even tone, said, “I care. You’d better care. And they should care.”

I will never forget those words.

As I have sat quietly by for the past twenty years and watched America redefine the issue of pornography, entitling it “adult entertainment” and now donning it with the cute nomenclature of “porn,” I am not only appalled, but feel a sense of helplessness.

For after all, to some degree, in order to object I should have some intelligence on the issue, which means I should do a little investigation.

I have not.

I won’t.

It will probably leave you in disbelief when I say this, but I have never indulged in pornography. Only once–I sat at a friend’s house and rummaged through Playboy magazines for about three hours. Those images are still available in my mind, should I check them out from my upstairs library. After that, it just didn’t have any appeal.

The issue is difficult. If you find yourself opposed to porn, people will call you a prude, a moralist or ask you if you have any personal experience.

I’m not a prude. Anyone who spends five minutes with me will tell you that I am certainly relaxed on the issue of human sexuality.

And I’m not a moralist. I’m not judging those who participate or perform in such actions.

I’m not willing to go on an extensive study to try to prove my point.

But I will tell you–I think it is one of the more egregious POPULIE propagated in our society. Here’s what I believe about romance:

• There should be no pain, no humiliation, no domination and no rape.
• It should be filled with pleasure, appreciation, communication and agreement.

I see none of those positive elements in the pictures which are occasionally sent to me over the Internet by young women and men on Tumblr, which I quickly delete.

The fact that they are willing to do this to make money does not change the situation. We certainly would not have allowed slavery to continue in this country because Uncle Tom was comfortable at the Big House.

And we should likewise discourage men and women–but predominately females–from being subjugated just because they temporarily become comfortable with the oppression.

I know it’s not popular because the populie has permeated every facet of our society. I will tell you that over half of the ministers in this country–who probably have too much time on their hands–have fallen victim to pornography.

But I think the advice my mother gave me when I was such a snoop so many years ago still holds:

“Stop looking in people’s drawers.” 

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Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about scheduling SpiriTed in 2014.