Sit Down Comedy … September 27th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Today I would like to use my pulpit of potential—my moment in minutia—to give tribute to the most truthful man in Washington, D.C.:

President Donald J. Trump

For certainly, there’s no way to call a man a liar who has already bragged about how much he enjoys lying.

You will never convict him of his mistruths when he let you know from the very beginning that he missed out on truth some time ago and selected a different path. Matter of fact, in his 1985 book, “Art of the Deal,” he contended (and I quote), “I play to people’s fantasies. People may not always think big themselves, but they can still get very excited by those who do. That’s why a little hyperbole never hurts.”

He has made clear what he means by “hyperbole.”

And if you aren’t sure, his consort, Kelly Ann Conway, named the practice “Alternative Facts.” Alternative Facts is merely offering a different rendition of the information provided—one that better suits your own purposes. After people hear the Alternative Facts, they begin to blend them with other reports, which eventually becomes what we call a “news story.” Then folks like us come along and pick out our favorite rendition from the buffet of possibilities.

In 2016, Donald Trump’s competitor was Hillary Clinton, who on the other hand, proclaimed herself squeaky clean.

When it was discovered she wasn’t quite as cleansed as reported, she chose to follow the philosophy of her husband, Bill, who insisted that when accusations are made against you, “always deny.”

So the God-fearing, hardworking American people were given a choice between an accomplished liar and a proficient denier.

So the situation is, for every three hundred alternative facts that President Trump may offer, there can always be found ten missteps, mistakes and misrepresentations from an opponent. The only difference is, the pronounced liar doesn’t have to repent because he’s already warned. But the one who has done the missteps—who has proclaimed him or herself pure and truthful—must decide whether to come clean or pick up a copy of “Art of the Deal” and apply his or her application of “hyperbole.”

Actually, we should be ashamed of ourselves for impeaching a man who is so obvious with us that he came down the escalator calling Mexicans rapists, explaining how simple it was to grab unwilling pussy and was fully capable of multiplying the attendance numbers at any event.

After all, Secretary Clinton continued to stand by her man—who denied his sins against the nation—placing the blame on Monica Lewinsky, a twenty-one-year-old impressionable internist crawling under his desk, trying to do her part for the country.

Who should be impeached is simple: the American voter.

Since the founding of the country, we have well known that the common person has no right, privilege or sense to select the uncommon leader of the Free World.

No intelligent corporation allows the rank and file to choose the CEO.

President of the United States is a job, not a position.

It requires a willingness to learn, savvy, personality, gentleness, intensity and above all, a passion to hear the ideas of other people and sift through them until logic emerges.

But since we are determined to extol the beauty of the vote—and then worse, place the final responsibility on the Electoral College (which is similar to a Milton Bradley board game) we are stuck with winners who are alluring instead of enduring.

I want each and every liberal to stop calling Donald Trump a liar and instead, refer to him as a “fulfiller.” He has fulfilled exactly what he set out to do, which is make himself the sole spokesman for our country.

And I want the right wing to be candid—the interest they have in Donald Trump is similar to how each and every one of us wanted to goof around with the “really bad kid” in high school, even though our parents warned us against him. But even though we appreciated goodness (kind of) but were convinced that Bad Boy was more fun.

To summarize:

God has not called Donald Trump to lead our nation.

God has not called any of the other twenty-two candidates from the Democratic Party to lead our nation.

God is not calling anyone.

God has provided science, a beautiful planet, and great human beings around us, hoping that we can use these elements to start making positive choices and value the currency of our words.

So please, stop believing that those who say they always tell the truth actually do.

And cease getting angry with a man who is comfortable in his own skin—being deceptive.

So I will close this by saying, we must cease attempting to impeach a man who thinks he is doing what he considers the best thing possible.

If you don’t want someone who shares Alternative Facts, vote him out next election.

If you’re worried that he’s going to win the country over again with his Alternative Facts, then you need to work on the conscience of your brothers and sisters instead of trying to make all the little pigs frightened of the Big Bad Wolf.

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3 Things… June 7th, 2018

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Former President Bill Clinton Might Consider to Share With Monica Lewinsky to Affirm His Stance on Gender Equality

1. “I took advantage of you. You were a star-struck young girl and I knew better.”

 

2. “I blamed you and sent the brunt of back-lash in your direction.”

 

3. “I failed to represent my core beliefs and values in dealing with you directly as a human being.”

 

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Cracked 5 … February 9th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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cracked 5 logo keeper with border

 

Since There Is Great Scrutiny on the “25-Second Explanation” of Senator Marco Rubio, Below Are the 25-Second Presentations of Other Candidates from the Past, Who Became President

A. I did not cross-dress in Delaware. I crossed the Delaware to address the enemy–a battle which I won, by the way. And furthermore, my teeth are not made of wood. I get cavities, not termites. (G. Washington)

 

B. I really didn’t split rails. I wasn’t always honest. My wife drove me crazy. I have smoked opium. I don’t really personally know any black people. (A. Lincoln)

 

C. I did Marilyn Monroe but she liked my brother better. I used a lot of double entendres about the “Cuban missiles.” And by the way, don’t drive in topless cars. (J. Kennedy)

 

D. By the mob definition, I am not a crook. By some definitions, I might be a crook. But let’s not be picky. I basically hated people, but still wanted their votes. I opened up China, so thank me the next time you get Takee-Outee. (R. Nixon)

 

E. I did not have sex with that woman. I did let her have sex with me. How can you say no to the dreams of young people? (B. Clinton)

 

Cracked 5 Presidents

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You’re Not Ugly… January 7, 2012

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We made a mistake. We do that every once in a while … just to maintain an obvious profile of needful humility.

On Thursday night we told two ladies where we were going to be on Friday night, but unfortunately, the information we gave to them was incorrect. And also, the starting time of the event was actually a half-an-hour earlier. We didn’t do this to be mean or evasive–we did this because it was our time to establish our quorum of stupidity. When we returned to our motel room we realized our error, but it was too late because we didn’t know who the ladies were or how to get ahold of them.

Move ahead to Friday evening. I was about half-way through our program, in front of the delightful and inspiring folks of Port Charlotte, Florida, when in walked those two charming women whom we had accidently misled. Even though I was singing a song at the time, I had to chuckle in my spirit. I started thinking about what these two individuals had gone through to actually find out where we were, arrive and come through those back doors. First they went to the wrong church, sat in a dark parking lot, coming to the conclusion that this must not be the place. Then, checking all of their GPS information, they came up with the correct location, only to arrive and find that the program had already begun because we told them the wrong time. What remarkable human beings.

So after the program, when I was at my book table, they came up and were so gracious about the whole event that it nearly brought tears to my eyes. As they were about to leave, one of the pair whispered across the table to me.

“And by the way … you’re not ugly.”

Now that might seem like a strange statement unless you understand that in my program I make it clear to the audience that I am not a physically attractive person and being beautiful is not my aspiration. I’ve never had any problem with that. Actually, I’m quite amused with desperate candidates who are always trying to win the beauty contest of life. I work on my love of people, my talent and my flexibility much more than I do my appearance. I’m not ugly–I’m just homely. “Homely” is about two fewer bumps and bruises from ugly, and about a mile and a half down the road from good-looking.

It has actually done me well. For in my case, all the Monica Lewinsky‘s I have encountered have actually wanted to be an intern to my ministry and business–to learn what I know instead of desiring to give me a personal “inter-office memo.” You see, that’s good stuff. (One of the easier ways to avoid sexual misconduct is to be a whole lot less sexually attractive. Then you never have to find out if you’d actually slip-slide away…)

So when she said that to me–“you’re not ugly”–I laughed. She was so sweet and gentle, but it just doesn’t make a whole lot of difference to me. What did register on my awareness scale was her and her friend–making such a noble effort to reconnect with us and spend a few more minutes together before our earth passages end.

Don’t give up on humanity. You may feel free to turn your back on organizations and those who have incorporated their ideas into a cement block–but don’t ever give up on people. For I will tell you two certain things right now: (1) Never over-estimate the willingness of any system to actually adapt to what needs to be done; and (2) never underestimate the power of an individual (or in this case, two) who want to overcome the dorkiness of a system.

There you go. Oh, and I thought of a third one:

By the way … you’re not ugly.

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Jonathan wrote the gospel/blues anthem, Spent This Time, in 1985, in Guaymas, Mexico. Take a listen:

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To see books written by Jonathan, click the link below! You can peruse and order if you like!

http://www.janethan.com/tour_store.htm

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