Cracked 5 … June 8th, 2019

 

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Jonathots Daily Blog

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Less Reported Happenings During President Trump’s Visit to England

 

A.  Meeting the Queen, the President requested “Bohemian Rhapsody”

 

B.  President thought “D-Day” meant “Donald Day”

 

C.  Yelled at limousine driver for driving on the wrong side of the road

 

D.  President offered to be their King since all they had was a Queen

 

E.  He was surprised that Liverpool had neither liver nor offered swimming

 

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Ohio, Oh-My-Oh… September 29, 2012

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I was born in a small village in Central Ohio.

I should know from my adequate education in the state that it is actually redundant to say “small” and “village” together. But I did it so that I could correct myself, to demonstrate the style of thinking I was introduced to, being a resident of this fine state.

For in our town, although quite tiny, we had a nudist and a family whose members were in good standing with the John Birch Society. We had Democrats and Republicans living right next to each other and rarely complaining about their neighbor’s crab grass. Ohio was an unusual state to me because on any street corner you could have had John Lennon and Yoko Ono living in one house while just down the road you might find the home of Rush Limbaugh.

So I was curious about what was going to happen when I came into Ohio with my declaration of “NoOne is better than anyone else.”

Oh-My One: At my first stop, I was surprised when a man came to my table and said, “Jonathan, aren’t men better than women? Isn’t that what the Bible says?”

In earshot was a lady who immediately stepped up and piped in. “No, my friends. It is a scientific fact that women are superior to men.”

So you can see, whatever I said next was going to displease someone. Whenever I get into that position, I think it is just best to displease everybody.

I suppose there are those who would contend that the battle between the sexes has existed since ever Adam and Eve had a quarrel over splitting an apple. But the truth of the matter is that the differences between the sexes is mostly made up to maintain a split marketing plan for the public so as to offer products for one gender and others for the opposite.

Here’s the truth–“in the Kingdom of God, there is neither male nor female.” That’s what it says in the Bible. Now, I know you can find scriptures that contradict that concept, but they all come from a place where someone was trying to appease the existing squabble instead of speaking the truth.

So let’s take a quick look at this: if the Kingdom of God is within us (also from the Bible) and in the Kingdom of God there is neither male nor female, it is safe to assume that within us is a universal commonality, whether we be male or female.

Obviously, there are physical differences which create great possibilities for pleasure.  Glory be to God. But truly intelligent people are always in the pursuit of similarity instead of advocating difference.

I have worked with men and I have traveled with women, and I will tell you that the best ones have forsaken their boundaries of gender and have just become human. I have been told that women are more emotional than men, but the truth of the matter is that it’s quite the contrary. Having played sports and indulged in outdoor activities with men, they are just as emotional, if not more so, when their particular team or hunt has been benefitted through victory.

Separating ourselves into a gender battle in this country is one of the worst errors being propagated across the board. You hear it in church, you see it on television, you read it in books. Men are not better than women and women are not better than men.

If you don’t believe me, please make note of the “affirmative action program” Jesus conducted during his ministry on earth. Arriving ina completely male-dominated society, Jesus chose to thrust women and children into the forefront of his ministry. If you remove all the women from the life of Jesus, he not only loses funding, he also loses friends to be with him during his hour of torture AND anyone to recognize that he had risen from his the dead.

When the disciples wanted to get rid of the children, Jesus rebuked them and told them that children were what all humans should become if they wanted to enter the kingdom of heaven.

If you want to be Jewish or Muslim, you can continue to promote the differences between men and women. But you can’t do it if you’re a Christian. NoOne is better than anyone else–and it begins with Adam and Eve.

Oh-My Two: “Jonathan, maybe I just want to be better. It’s a free country.”

This one surprised me a little bit. Even though it appears to possess a bit of honesty, the odor that rises from this heap of misrepresentation stings your eyes and makes you pull away. I, for one, am disgusted with the notion that we are unique “because of our freedom.” Matter of fact, “freedom” may the most over-rated, overused and least understood word in all the world. Now, this is not because our forefathers didn’t explain that freedom only works when extended in equality to others, but over the years, we have decided that freedom is a torch, passed from one dominant race, party or religion to another, based upon the popularity of an idea. The truth of the matter is, no one is free to rob someone else of equality.

The Bible makes it clear that “where the spirit of God is, there is liberty”–and liberty is freedom which has graduated from high school and has taken at least a couple of courses in college. Whereas freedom merely demands “our own way,” liberty understands that when you seek to have your own preferences honored, it is only valid when you’re willing to honor the preferences of others.

As far as I know, there are only three ways to live on this planet:

• by law, where whatever is permissible in this present hour is enforced, regulated and even prosecuted.
• by grace, where you continue to do dumb things, and believe that you’re just so pretty and good-looking that everything should work out fine.
• or by liberty, which means you consider your own desires and pursue them, fuilly aware that you will have to extend the same mercy and possibility to others.

When you arrive at that liberty, you find God, a heavenly Father who desired to send a messenger, His son, but was forced to stand back and accept the rejection of the ignorant masses as they put his boy to death. Now, that’s liberty.

He then turns it around and changes that vicious assassination into salvation for the hapless murderers. That’s grace.

So you can continue to insist that you have the right to be mean because someone bled and died on a beach in Normandy, but eventually, if you’re going to live in this country and abide under the true spirit of God, you will have to afford that liberty to everyone else–thus, once again, establishing that NoOne is better than anyone else.

So in Ohio I found those who thought they were unique by gender–both male and female. And they thought they were unique in their freedom and had the right to be errant and inconsiderate if they so desired. But stupidity only survives until smart has time to put on its shoes–and then stupidity is not just a mistake, it becomes the enemy of mankind.

In this country, only one generation back in our history, we contended that segregation of the races was permissible because … well, we preferred it. But whether we like it or not, every choice of freedom has to pass the test of submitting to the eternal concept of NoOne is better than anyone else.

I send my thanks to Ohio for giving me a place to lay my head until I was ready to use it. But I warn them that uniqueness born of gender or merely screamed out in freedom must honor the fact that liberty is where God builds His house.

So we’ve been to California, Alabama, Missouri, Texas and Ohio, fielding the questions from these “pitchers of culture.” Tomorrow we will sum up what we have learned on our nationwide quest–because … The Caper Continues.

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Innocent Blood … September 5, 2012

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Seven things: it really seems like a lot.

For the Proverb claims that there are “seven things that God hates.” I kind of wish it were two. You see, if it were just a few items, I could ignore it, assuming I didn’t fall into the narrow definition. But seven? Just the law of averages leads me to believe that I just might be included in there somewhere. As I look these over,  I realize that at the core of all of them is this nasty human vice of wanting to be better.

For instance, the proud look. It proclaims, “I am better than you.”

The lying tongue. It states, “I am better than truth.”

Just with that pair right there, you have the foundation for a social malaise that causes us to contend that as long as we have confidence in ourselves, then telling the occasional fib to protect our position is just logical. Tricky stuff. But not nearly as tricky as the third hated thing:

“Hands that shed innocent blood.”

After we reach the point where we believe we’re better than other people and that we are sure we’re better than the truth, it’s an easy slide into the evil position of believing we’re better than life–especially that life over there, that isn’t like us.

Innocent blood.

In this election year, the reason I have trouble supporting any party–including those who claim to be independent–is that there is no consistency in the principles they follow, and no meter stick applied across the board to create an equality of conclusions. Nowhere does this show up any more blatantly than the with issue of life and innocent blood.

After all, those who want gun control in our country and to limit the distribution of fire arms will also tell you that it’s completely all right to abort a child. And those folks who are against aborting children and will tearfully tell you that it’s murder, have absolutely no difficulty declaring a war and dropping drone bombs on areas, resulting in collateral damage, including little children.

Perhaps Shakespeare was right when he said, “To thine own self be true.” If we really believe that hands that shed innocent blood are hated by God, we must understand that He puts great sanctity on the life which He created.

And that also goes for animals–because the proclamation does not say, “innocent human blood,” just “innocent blood.” So is it all right to kill a porpoise to get a good catch of tuna? Shall we continue to use animals to test products if there are other possibilities which would only increase the cost and not eliminate the benefit?

I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I think it is a risky venture to try to define God only using the criteria of what is easiest for us to do. God doesn’t care if it’s easy. God is concerned that we treasure life.

An amazing thing happened in 1944. For thousands of years, war had been fought on battlefields, with armies basically lining up like chess pieces to confront each other man on man. But then the Allies landed on the beach at Normandy and headed across Europe to expel the Nazis from Germany. To do so they often had to go from village to village and house to house, bombing the terrain indiscriminately, killing saint and sinner and placing them in a common mass grave. Yes–the enemy began to hide out amongst the innocent.

Ever since 1944, all the fighting our troops have done has fallen into this dangerous, precarious status. It happened in Korea. It most certainly happened in Viet Nam. And more recently, our forces found themselves uncertain of who was civilian and who was the enemy in the Iraq War and also the actions in Afghanistan.

It often becomes difficult to know who is innocent. But it is our responsibility, if we are people who believe in a divine Creator, to recognize His preference for avoiding the shedding of innocent blood.

Can we do this and still maintain a powerful worldwide presence? And if we decide to bypass such a precaution based upon the diplomacy of our own needs, how can we as a people survive, claiming we believe in life when we actually exterminate it?

Even though I am just a mortal, simple man, I feel compelled to develop some consistency on this issue in order to confirm to you and myself that I actually believe there is a God in heaven and I’m not dealing with a masterful myth. So here goes:

1. Guns–guns should be distributed based upon need. How do we determine need? I have no idea. But to arm human beings, who are emotionally driven creatures, with personal missiles to destroy their neighbors, be they human or animal, is irresponsible. Then how should the debate be formed? There are many areas in our lives where we are asked why. “Why do we want this?” “Why do we qualify for that?” Guns should be no different.

2. War. The purpose of war is to honor the thing that God hates. It is to track down those individuals who are shedding innocent blood, and as meticulously as possible, execute them. When we begin to believe that the ends justify the means, or even that trying to save money or time to conclude a conflict by killing innocent people is appropriate, we become part of the problem instead of the solution.

3. Capitol punishment. You know my stand on this one–if God did not execute the first murderer, Cain, who killed his brother, Abel, I seriously doubt if we have the right to do so. What is the alternative? To me that’s where the debate should happen, instead of trying to determine the most humane way to snuff out our villains.

4. Abortion. When we begin to believe that we have a choice to take human life which has no power to object, then we are shedding innocent blood. I think women should be granted every choice possible–but I do not believe abortion on demand is the correct way to handle the population explosion or levels of inconvenience. There are plenty of people who want to adopt children and there are certainly lots of folks who are presently forbidden to adopt, who would make better companions for these little ones than a cold grave does.

5. Animal rights. I believe animals can be consumed for food. I don’t have anything against people who are vegetarians but I do believe that it is clear throughout our history that to serve human children and the family with food is not only appropriate but necessary. But any execution or mistreatment of animals–to shed their blood for no cause other than sport, boredom or ease–is wrong.

There you go. Since war has become a house-to-house affair, we must become much more adept at conducting the extrication of malevolent folk, and in so doing, remain a civilized society that honors human life.

Consistency.

Republicans are against abortion, but welcome the free distribution of guns to the masses. Democrats contend that gun control is essential to protect human life, and then place the decision to terminate a human existence on the fears of a young, frightened girl.

The debate will not be easy. It never is. But to scurry into our camps of lies and deception and pretend that we are pursuing righteousness when actually we are just defending a political platform is to miss the whole point of why the writer of the Proverb told us there are things that God hates.

• Yes, a proud look makes you communicate that you think you’re better than other people.
• A lying tongue conveys that you believe you’re better than truth.
• And hands that shed innocent blood make it clear that they are better than life.

Two thousand years ago, the skies were darkened, the earth shook and a religious institution was eventually toppled because they took the innocent life of the Prince of Peace and shed his blood on a cross. God in His mercy turned it into salvation. But He wept over His son’s massacre.

Make a decision. Be bold. Stop rationalizing to fit the agenda of your party or the common jargon of the day’s chatter. We can’t shed innocent blood without incurring God’s hate.

Find the villains, isolate them and protect the innocent. It is the work of the angels–and because it is the work of the angels, it will demand heavenly wisdom.

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