Cracked 5 … March 30th, 2019


Jonathots Daily Blog


Cracked 5

Things You Might Want to Do Upon Posting Your 4,000th Daily Blog


A.  Call Leonardo DiCaprio and yell into the phone, “No! I am the King of the World!”


B.  Write some sort of stupid article or comedy piece to announce it


C.  Sit by your phone waiting for CNN and Fox News to contact you, while ordering a pizza, pretending they already did


D.  Pick your nose—without shame, blame or any regard for the politically correct masses


E.  Purposely choose to develop writer’s block

Jonathan Richard Cring

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Sit Down Comedy … November 23rd, 2018

Jonathots Daily Blog


Common comments from politicians who just happen to also be turkeys


1. “We must stop the useless slaughter that happens every fourth Thursday of November, killing millions of our brothers and sisters” (The Alarmist)


2. “The problem is the hatchet. Not everybody should be allowed to have a hatchet. If we were able to curtail the sale of hatchets, thousands of turkeys could be saved.” (Weapon Control)


3. “Farmer Joe’s crazy. Not every farmer in this area is crazy. We have farmers over there growing corn. It’s Farmer Joe who’s crazy. We need to isolate Farmer Joe, treat him, and if not, imprison him to protect our turkey family from a mentally deranged person such as himself.” (Promoting the Mental Health Industry)


4. “I know this isn’t politically correct, but I think if you check the statistics, this problem has increased as the number of brown turkeys have crossed the border of our farm and joined us. Perhaps there’s nothing wrong with them but we have noticed that many of them are raping the hens and they need to go through the correct channels if they want to be part of the ‘turkey in the straw.'” (Hidden Bigotry)


5. “I think it’s due to the fact that the climate is changing here on the farm, especially among the gobbles and gizzards. The weather is fowl. Anybody else notice it? It seems hotter in November and it’s more difficult to be able to distinguish the kernels of corn from the rocks in the ground because the soil is so dry. I think it makes the poultry crazy.” (Climate Change)


6. “It’s the liberals. They’re the ones who stopped liking red meat, and God knows, we are exceptional white meat. So of course, they want to come here and deplete our ranks. They hate us for our freedom.” (Conservative Commentators)


7. “I know they mean well, but the conservatives have brought down this violence upon all of us because they’re always pecking at the people who feed them, chasing away other birds, and they are just so hostile that eventually they bring about the terrorism that kills and destroys the flightless.” (Liberals Blaming Others for Violence)

As you can see, all the creatures on Earth could blame every other creature on Earth if they wanted to.

Here’s the truth: Thanksgiving is here to stay.

People will not stop eating turkey–although it might be intelligent, if you are one, to advertise ducks, and then enjoy the other 364 days of the year.


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Salient…July 23rd, 2018

 Jonathots Daily Blog


There are matters that are too important to ignore or leave to chance. These are salient moments.

Make a statement. Avoid questioning.

And by questioning, I mean the assumptions that other human beings draw about you based on very little information.

For some reason, we, as people, feel no need to apply facts when it comes to deciding who somebody really is, since they haven’t clearly stated their position one way or another.

This quick-to-the-punch evaluation can be based on facial expression, body language, race, gender, sexual orientation or whim.

If you don’t make a statement about things in life, you leave it to others to come with the questions, or to question for themselves and then form conclusions–which more than likely will be far from true.

Yet, because we have become so politically correct, afraid to voice an opinion for fear of being offensive, answers like “I don’t know” or “that’s a tough one,” or one I personally disfavor, “I guess it depends on the circumstances,” are prevalent.

Make a statement. Avoid questioning.

Let me give you some examples:

  • I do not believe in killing anything unless I plan on eating it.
  • I also decided not to judge anyone at any time unless I’m wearing a long, black robe and have a gavel in my hand (so far no offers).
  • Every week I evaluate my compassion, success and motivation on whether I end up giving more than taking.
  • And I freely admit that I’m a bigot. I favor one race. The human race.

So there you go.

Because I make statements, you don’t have to exhaust yourself coming up with a list of inquiries or challenging me in your private thoughts, developing your own profile about me.

So here is your salient moment:

If you’re not afraid to make a statement about what you believe, then you won’t have to field so many questions about what truly and honestly is in your heart.


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G-Poppers … September 15th, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog


Even though from time to time G-Pop has been known to offer social commentary on the world we habitate–sometimes biting–he is fully aware that the only truly effective criticism is that which he offers to his own deeds.

You can’t change the world if you can’t change yourself.

With that in mind, G-Pop would like to reflect back one day. Yesterday he presented a Dudley cartoon about the hurricane. It was pithy, cute–and a little dark. Although he doesn’t think there was anything particularly wrong with the approach, it did lack edification.

What is edification?

Edification is saying or doing what you feel needs to be said and done, never forgetting that the goal is to improve matters.

Comedy is funny if at the heart of the humor there is a desire to expose foolishness and welcome freshness.

G-Pop will never be politically correct, but if he has a passion to correct the political, he must make sure it comes from an abiding sense of hope and charity instead of dismal dismay.

So with that in mind, trying to be an example to his children, as of this morning, G-Pop is taking down yesterday’s Dudley cartoon.

No one complained. No one reacted unfavorably. But the comic was not worthy of the message G-Pop envisions imparting to the world around him at this time.

The lesson here is simple:

Is what you’re saying, thinking and doing coming from a place of vision for mankind?

Or are you jumping ship because you no longer believe in the voyage?

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Never Worship Where You Vote… January 5, 2013


sock snowmanYes, the snowman always votes for more snow–just as the surfer casts his ballot for bigger waves. Politics is the selfish game of pursuing our own ends while insisting it’s for the good of the country and relegating our dissenters as unpatriotic opponents.

It is not suited for children like you and me.

Now a worse thing has happened: political parties are being worshipped. Indeed, it seems to be a godly mission to advance the platform of your party while invoking the name of the Most High as your major contributor. So we’ve moved from the necessary to the ridiculous to the nasty, ending up in abominable. It is time to hide the children from such mayhem.

Here’s why: children need to learn to tell the truth. We insist on it. There is no greater punishment for a youngster than lying and covering up an iniquity that is usually easily exposed. If the truth “makes us free,” it is simply because we are relieved of the burden of maintaining an ever-expanding, ongoing fable about misdeeds. It is exhausting to be politically correct instead of forthcoming.

Yes, all parents want their children to be considered top-notch, but to achieve that status it is also necessary that each child of the household learn that there are seasons for setbacks and disappointments in order for us to grow more fully into completeness.

Children can’t be involved in politics because they need to tell the truth, and obviously, veracity is optional “amongst them who seek votes.” By the time we get done spinning, expanding, promoting, advertising and sowing disinformation about reality, it is often difficult to attain a clarity of thought.

Children should also stay away from politics because children must hear the truth before they can tell the truth. There you go. Lying parents bring forth lying offspring:

Parents who keep alcohol in their refrigerator should not be surprised when their fifteen-year-old comes home drunk from a party that was supposed to feature pizza and root beer.

Parents who fib on the phone to creditors should not feign shock when their dear little ones lie about their grades.

To tell the truth you have to hear the truth. There is a very intelligent word that says “faith comes by hearing.” We build up the confidence to say our individual situation aloud because we’ve heard other people do it without fear.

What is the worst atrocity about our political system? The lies of the Republicans and the Democrats will come down and crash on us for two or three generations to come. We have made it acceptable to be misleading. It is not suitable for children. It is the R-rated movie of government.

And finally, concerning those who desire a childlike faith, we must comprehend that to hear the truth, one must be willing to be wrong. Politicians are never wrong. If you don’t believe me, just listen to them. They are often misquoted, misunderstood, caught on a bad day, taken out of context, targeted by the other party’s kill committee, or they are just victims of a vicious news cycle.

It is rather doubtful in our present political climate if we will ever hear anything that resembles the truth.

Such a gift demands that someone be wrong. Until you are willing to say you are wrong, you can’t hear the truth. If you can’t hear the truth, you can’t tell the truth. And if you can’t tell the truth, you can’t be made free.

The combination of self-righteousness, combined with an unwillingness to negotiate, culminating in a worship of political ideals, has rendered our society crippled of the change which only occurs by the real truth convincing us of the error of our ways … and making us free.

I will not participate.  I have never participated, but in 2013, with my desire to have a childlike faith, I must avoid the bad boys and girls of the political system, who require that I worship where I vote–but won’t give me the freedom of truth.

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An American Tale … December 12, 2011

In Melbourne, Florida


Muriel was sixteen years old–and she was pregnant. She was engaged to Jeremy, who had been off to State College for three months, beginning his studies to become an architect. The problem was that Muriel was only two months pregnant. The other problem was that she had never had sex with Jeremy–because he was nineteen years old and she was, as they call it, jail bait. They were in love–but desperately avoiding lust.

There was a third problem–Muriel also insisted that she’d never had sex before–with ANYONE. Some people laughed; others became infuriated. Why didn’t she just admit that she and Jeremy had lost control and the end result was a baby?

Now, Jeremy got a call from a friend about the conflict arising in the town over the issue. He left college and hurried home. He was greeted at the door by Muriel’s father … and the county sheriff. He was arrested on the spot for statutory rape. After all, there was no other explanation. A nineteen-year-old had gotten a sixteen-year-old pregnant and it was illegal.

Muriel pleaded her case, but to no avail. Some of Jeremy’s friends bailed him out of jail and he met secretly with Muriel. Jeremy was hurt. Muriel insisted that she had not had sex but that she was nonetheless pregnant. She further complicated the relationship by telling Jeremy that she’d had a dream and that she believed the baby was a gift from God. Jeremy cautioned her to not share this story with anyone lest she be considered “tetched” and sent to the booby-hatch.

But those professionals did show up, some of them suggesting that Muriel put the baby up for adoption after the birth. Matter of fact, arrangements could be made now for such a maneuver. One of the counselors from a local women’s organization recommended that she consider abortion because of her youth and inexperience. Muriel explained to them about her dream and that she had not been with anyone sexually, but of course, no one believed her.

Six agonizing months passed–of interference, critique, delayed court dates, morning sickness and public ridicule. Jeremy became concerned because Muriel was losing it. He decided to skip town–to run out on his bail money and take her to a cousin of his in a small town several states away. As they journeyed, a terrible blizzard hit and their car slid off the road. They were forced to seek refuge in a nearby bed and breakfast. It was full–and even if it hadn’t been, much too expensive for their meager substance. Jeremy asked the proprietor if there was anywhere they could stay. She replied no.  He explained to her that Muriel was pregnant and was about ready to give birth. The owner of the bed and breakfast became quite distraught and ordered them both off the property. Jeremy had to do something. On the land of the bed and breakfast there was a barn. He took Muriel and they went inside the barn to seek shelter for the evening.

Meanwhile, things were happening in the world. A bright, shining light had sprung up in the sky. Most people thought it was a new comet or perhaps even an asteroid heading towards earth, causing a great fear amongst the populace. But three astrologers from Iran suddenly appeared at an airport in New York City, explaining that they wanted to investigate the light and trace its source. They believed it was a foretelling of the arrival of a great leader. The three Iranians were stopped by customs and arrested, put into jail and interrogated for fear that they were terrorists.  After two weeks, it was decided to deport them back to Iran.

Meanwhile, back at the barn, Muriel went into labor and gave birth. Jeremy was frightened out of his mind. There seemed to be no escape for them. Suddenly, there was a soft knock on the barn door. Jeremy nervously and awkwardly called, “Come in.” He figured it would be the proprietor and that the jig was up. Instead, in walked four guys who had been out working on transformers and lighting poles in the middle of the storm to try to restore power to the neighborhood. They sheepishly explained that they had seen a vision in the sky, telling them to come to this specific barn–to see a baby that was going to become a king. Jeremy was suspicious.

As all this was going on, suddenly the barn door flung open and in walked the proprietor with the local sheriff. They were both shocked to discover that the young girl had given birth, so an ambulance was called to rush her to the hospital in the midst of the storm, where the two of them, Muriel and Jeremy, were separated into different rooms until a decision could be made about the future of their relationship and the child.

The four workmen were arrested for trespassing, but later released, as the proprietor chose not to press charges.

In the hospital, Jeremy desperately tried to see Muriel, but was unsuccessful. After several days of deliberation, it was determined that the newborn baby would be put into foster care and that Muriel, who persisted in her story of a dream and a non-sexual pregnancy, was placed into a twenty-eight-day program for rehabilitation and analysis. Jeremy was sent back to college with the threat that if he ever saw Muriel again, he would be arrested and the charges for statutory rape would be enforced. The Iranians, who had come to follow the light in the sky, tried to escape custody to continue their study. Two of them were shot and killed and the other returned to his homeland.

In a matter of three weeks, the whole event was over. Medals were given to Homeland Security for preventing what might surely have been an attack on the nation. The sheriff and the proprietor of the bed and breakfast were praised by the community for level-headed action and for protecting an infant from what most certainly was his disturbed mother.

And the little boy grew up and became an American “everybody.”

You see, there is an importance to timing. And there’s a value to those who have a courage in their conviction. Because in our American Tale, everything was done correctly.

Unfortunately, political correctness rarely has any touch of the grace of God.


Here comes Christmas! For your listening pleasure, below is Manger Medley, Jonathan’s arrangement of Away in the Manger, which closes with him singing his gorgeous song, Messiah.  Looking forward to the holidays with you!

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