Sit Down Comedy … July 31st, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Old people talk about old things.

That’s how you know they’re old.

They think they’re relevant. They think they’re talking about new things.

But they’re wrong.

They are old people talking about old things, sounding an SOS:

Same Old Shit.

The trouble is, not all old people are collecting Social Security. Some of the old people talking in our generation are supposed to be young. But for some reason, they’re talking about old stuff.

I don’t know why.

The Civil War? Are you nuts? Are we really still discussing a flag of a group of rebellious traitors who wanted to subjugate a race of people to be their slaves and decided to fight on every flat spot in the Eastern U. S., to try to prove their point?

The Civil War is over.

It has been decided. Slavery is not coming back. So all your banners are outdated. If you’re still talking about it, you are goddamned old.

Abortion? This has been settled.

It’s a nasty procedure that no one really wants to claim but needs to be a freedom given to a woman—because it’s her body. Sure, we would hope that it would not be used as birth control, or a way to get even with conservatives. But the discussion is over. If you’re still talking about it—pro or con—you’re decrepit.

And referring to politics, I wouldn’t even know where to start.

Republican and Democrat? These are things my grandparents talked about. You can tell it’s old stuff. The parties still use flyers, bumper stickers, buttons, slogans, attack ads… Are you kidding me? This stuff is old for old.

The election is really simple. We need to put somebody in the government who will allow us to live our lives fruitfully, make sure the roads are paved, and don’t blow up the rest of the world. If you want to call those “issues,” then I guess you could have one of your debates.

I stand dumbfounded when I hear people talking about race.

Are we really discussing color? Because honest to God, so many people have tattoos, I don’t know what color they are.

I heard an old woman say, “I just don’t think it’s right for black people and white people to marry and have children.”

“Fine,” I told her. “Then you probably shouldn’t fuck a rapper. And maybe don’t watch somebody else do it either.”

I’m astounded when I hear old people talking about rich and poor.

It’s so OLD. Get what you can and help everyone else. How hard can that be?

And by the way, can anything be older than religion?

We spend all of our time in a church talking to people (who are wearing jeans and crocs) about patriarchs in Israel. Old people talking about old things—stinking up the joint with old.

Can we ever get over the idea that men and women have to fight with each other? It’s so damn old.  Maybe we could do something new.

We could counteract our entertainment and create shows where men listen, and women are reasonable.

It’s all about human rights.

We cannot let these unfortunate, mentally stalled old people continue to insist on the fact that a few human wrongs should still be discussed.

You can identify old people because they talk about old things in an old way.

I would think, after Covid-19, we should be able to hear a scream coming from America. “I don’t want to debate the issues anymore!”

Don’t we all want to live in an America where there are only two rules?

Do the best you can.

Help somebody out when you can.

 

Sensitize … July 8th, 2020

SENSITIZE 40

Every morning, Mr. Cring takes a personal moment with his friends.

Today: What to do about the bar fights? Cring wraps it up.

Click the picture below to see the video

Sensitize … July 7th, 2020

SENSITIZE 39

Every morning, Mr. Cring takes a personal moment with his friends.

Today: We’ve bought into the idea that “Earth is hell.” Ridiculous, says Cring.

Click the picture below to see the video

Sensitize … July 2nd, 2020

SENSITIZE 34

Every morning, Mr. Cring takes a personal moment with his audience.

Today: Cring discusses how religion, politics, corporations and entertainment tell us the same lies.

Click the picture below to see the video

Sensitize … July 1st, 2020

SENSITIZE 33

Every morning, Mr. Cring takes a personal moment with his audience.

Today: Cring reveals the three things agreed upon by religion, science, politics, corporations and entertainment–the mindset of America today.

Click the picture below to see the video

Sensitize … June 30th, 2020

SENSITIZE 32

Every morning, Mr. Cring takes a personal moment with his audience.

Today: Politics, religion, business and entertainment are in agreement for the first time. Why is this?

Click the picture below to see the video

 

Published in: on June 30, 2020 at 1:22 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Cracked 5 … June 6th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4425)

Cracked 5

Things That Abraham Lincoln Would Say If He Came to Our Country Today

 

A. “You haven’t figured out disease yet?”

 

B. “I thought I freed the slaves…”

 

C. (Looking at President Trump) “What’s with the hair?”

 

D. “What happened to my Republican Party?”

 

E. “S-h-h-h! Don’t tell my wife! I time travel!”

 

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