Sit Down Comedy … May 1st, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Normal people work abnormally hard to appear normal.

Not for me.

It seems exhausting, if not humiliating.

I am peculiar, set apart—engaged in an uncommon consciousness, constantly and purposely dismantling the complexity into its simpler units.

I am peculiar.

How do I know? I respond to the information provided.

I get on the bus in front of me, noting that it’s been a while since any buses have passed by. For to remain normal, you must coincide with the majority.

A vote is always being taken.

It would be best if you voted with the masses, but acceptably good if you change your mind and disappear into the crowd.

I am peculiar.

I don’t think women will gain equality by acting their rendition of being men. Matter of fact, the whole concept of gender equality is foolish since we are all so much the same. It makes me giggle that we continue to try to compare the two, when oneness seems obvious.

The black man will never be able to tell his black sister that they are humans as long as they’re encouraged to rally without seeing improvement, struggle minus achievement and fail to guard their offspring from being cursed as inferior due to crime and sloth.

Religion is the wicked stepmother who refuses to let the children sit and dine with Father. Religion wants Father all to herself, so she can stumble from His presence to establish the rules and regulations which turn seekers into the distraught.

I am peculiar because I don’t think art is a paint by number set, with stipulations being made up by frustrated, discordant human trolls who have lost their lust for life and sit around finding ways to mock and condemn the human race.

I am peculiar because I hate politics.

Politics dresses up in a jim-dandy suit and marches off, teaspoon in hand, to fill the ocean of need while simultaneously carrying a thimble to empty the shit-hole.

Verily, verily, I say unto you, our common sense is not allowed to be common and is spurned for having too much practicality.

I am peculiar.

I’m not better than anyone.

I wear my flaws and virtues in equal glory.

I am not superior.

I am satisfied with my humanity, sporting its knowledge of good and evil.

What I see are beautiful people who smear mud, acid, poison and medications all over themselves in an attempt to emerge beautiful.

Why? Because it’s normally accepted that we possess an ugliness that needs disguised.

I can no longer condone a God who hates humans and wants them to become little gods so He can destroy them for their presumption.

What’s it like to be normal? How does it feel?

Do you ever have a moment’s rest?

Do you grow weary in well-doing?

Do you ever wish to do less, yet become so much more?

Do you want your vote to be honored instead of tallied by crooked counters bound to a party?

Do you wish that heaven was more real because you feel God on the Earth?

Are you sick to death of being normal when it really isn’t your choice, but rather, a fallback position of a generation of frightened dreamers?

How peculiar.

 

3 Things … March 12th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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That Make Good Government

 

1. The people came up with it on their own

 

2. All the people benefit from it directly

 

3. The people are encouraged and also rewarded for being inclusive and interactive with one another

Sit Down Comedy … February 14th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

 

Donald John Trump is our President.

It is a position we are compelled to honor due to the tenacity of our struggle as a nation and the grace extended to us as a people.

In the fury of opinions and the peril of hurling insults, it is good every once in a while, to stop and acknowledge what is true and what is honest.

This gentleman won the election to be our leader in 2016.

With this in mind, and my heart full of compassion and dutiful propriety, let me offer the following observations:

Mr. President:

1. Dictators have no redeeming values.

To focus on their might pilfers our great arsenal of what is right.

2. They that live by the military shall die by the military.

Every nation, kingdom and territory over the centuries that tried to maintain its integrity through the use of force has eventually been cruelly overtaken.

3. The measure you measure out to others will be measured back to you.

There are some souls who have learned the value of being gracious, and other human beings who are barely out of the jungle—with blood in their teeth. It is good for each of us to remember that we increase our possibilities for survival and mercy by offering them first.

4. And speaking of mercy, the grace that we all often need to survive the tribulation and chaos of Planet Earth is only granted to the humble.

The whole system of Mother Nature is geared to resist the proud.

5. Not everyone who cries “Lord, Lord” shall enter the Kingdom.

With the profession of being a Christian comes the responsibility of following the lifestyle of the Master—Jesus himself.

6. Pussies don’t like to be grabbed.

If an invitation is not extended, it is an assault.

7. “Suffer the children to come unto me.”

This does not mean to make the children suffer, as they are separated.

 8. Alienating nations, races and people of the Earth is rejecting their Creator’s craftsmanship.

Building walls creates nothing more than anger—and saying that there are “no good Samaritans” may leave you by the side of the road, without aid.

9. It is truth that makes us free.

Therefore it stands to reason that lying steals our freedom.

10. It is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.

And when the mouth speaks, the hearts that receive the words begin to accumulate an abundance.

Thank you, President Trump. Thank you for listening to these observations.

You are our President. We offer you place.

Cracked 5 … February 8th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Things I Did When I Was Acquitted

A. Checked for correct spelling in dictionary

 

B. Kissed my lucky stars and everything orbiting them

 

C. Shut my mouth, hoping people would begin to forget what I was accused of

 

D. Held a prayer breakfast and bitched about my enemies

 

E. Had M.C. Hammer sing at my party: “Too legit to acquit”

 

 

Cracked 5 … February 1st, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Reasons We Shouldn’t Have a Female President

 

A. She may not be able to out-burp Saudi Arabian Ambassador.

 

B. She might not find Putin attractive.

 

C. Her husband would look ridiculous in the gowns worn for state dinners.

 

D. Her high heels might get caught climbing into Air Force One.

 

E. Because we are a foolish, patriarchal, misogynistic country.

 

Sit Down Comedy … January 31st, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

At the Olympics, there is no award given for completing the training and earning the right to appear in the games.

There is no recognition for the person who displays the best marching during the opening ceremonies or who has the brightest costume for the closing cavalcade.

There are three medals—a gold, a silver and a bronze.

And even though there are changes continually going on in our world, when it comes to the human race and our emotional, spiritual, mental and physical well-being, the same three distinctions have been available since the very dawn of time.

The only worrisome thing comes when we begin to believe that these three “medals” can be altered, or the rules can be changed to apply different criteria.

Many imposters have come along, attempting to replace the gold, silver and bronze of human expression.

  • Greed
  • Patriotism
  • Revivalism
  • Politics
  • Open-mindedness.
  • Traditionalism.
  • Self-centeredness.
  • And sloth.

Although these have been touted by certain generations, each one has failed to bring about any betterment.

There are still just three medals.

They’re the same three I had to learn, my grandfather had to learn—and Adam failed to learn because he got tied up in his own interpretation and ended up “west of Eden.”

The gold: Love your neighbor as yourself.

Nothing in this world works until we learn how to love ourselves, and become emphatic that every human being is granted the same respect and honor.

The silver medal: Give and it shall be given unto you.

Thinking that anything can grow without seed or that we can prosper minus investing ourselves, our time and our fortunes may be the breeding ground for evil.

The bronze medal: Choose and be faithful.

There are innumerable things we can choose to do that are full of kindness, prosperity and wisdom which only require our faithfulness.

There is power in faithfulness.

So you can see:

At no point are we to lose our love for self.

Nor should we ever anticipate that goodness will fail to come back to us.

And our power of choice endures as long as we remain faithful.

The Olympics of human determination continue today.

You will need to do more than train. You will need to compete.

And if we actually start stretching for gold, silver and bronze, the world will be affected.

Then we can all raise a jubilant cheer.

 

 

Cracked 5 … January 25th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Some Favorite Excuses for Being an Asshole

 

A. “I’m researching for a role in a movie.”

 

B.“I’m avidly religious.”

 

C. “I am married to one.”

 

D. “I have a brain tumor.”

 

E. “I am in politics.”

 

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