Sit Down Comedy … July 31st, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Old people talk about old things.

That’s how you know they’re old.

They think they’re relevant. They think they’re talking about new things.

But they’re wrong.

They are old people talking about old things, sounding an SOS:

Same Old Shit.

The trouble is, not all old people are collecting Social Security. Some of the old people talking in our generation are supposed to be young. But for some reason, they’re talking about old stuff.

I don’t know why.

The Civil War? Are you nuts? Are we really still discussing a flag of a group of rebellious traitors who wanted to subjugate a race of people to be their slaves and decided to fight on every flat spot in the Eastern U. S., to try to prove their point?

The Civil War is over.

It has been decided. Slavery is not coming back. So all your banners are outdated. If you’re still talking about it, you are goddamned old.

Abortion? This has been settled.

It’s a nasty procedure that no one really wants to claim but needs to be a freedom given to a woman—because it’s her body. Sure, we would hope that it would not be used as birth control, or a way to get even with conservatives. But the discussion is over. If you’re still talking about it—pro or con—you’re decrepit.

And referring to politics, I wouldn’t even know where to start.

Republican and Democrat? These are things my grandparents talked about. You can tell it’s old stuff. The parties still use flyers, bumper stickers, buttons, slogans, attack ads… Are you kidding me? This stuff is old for old.

The election is really simple. We need to put somebody in the government who will allow us to live our lives fruitfully, make sure the roads are paved, and don’t blow up the rest of the world. If you want to call those “issues,” then I guess you could have one of your debates.

I stand dumbfounded when I hear people talking about race.

Are we really discussing color? Because honest to God, so many people have tattoos, I don’t know what color they are.

I heard an old woman say, “I just don’t think it’s right for black people and white people to marry and have children.”

“Fine,” I told her. “Then you probably shouldn’t fuck a rapper. And maybe don’t watch somebody else do it either.”

I’m astounded when I hear old people talking about rich and poor.

It’s so OLD. Get what you can and help everyone else. How hard can that be?

And by the way, can anything be older than religion?

We spend all of our time in a church talking to people (who are wearing jeans and crocs) about patriarchs in Israel. Old people talking about old things—stinking up the joint with old.

Can we ever get over the idea that men and women have to fight with each other? It’s so damn old.  Maybe we could do something new.

We could counteract our entertainment and create shows where men listen, and women are reasonable.

It’s all about human rights.

We cannot let these unfortunate, mentally stalled old people continue to insist on the fact that a few human wrongs should still be discussed.

You can identify old people because they talk about old things in an old way.

I would think, after Covid-19, we should be able to hear a scream coming from America. “I don’t want to debate the issues anymore!”

Don’t we all want to live in an America where there are only two rules?

Do the best you can.

Help somebody out when you can.

 

Sensitize … June 30th, 2020

SENSITIZE 32

Every morning, Mr. Cring takes a personal moment with his audience.

Today: Politics, religion, business and entertainment are in agreement for the first time. Why is this?

Click the picture below to see the video

 

Published in: on June 30, 2020 at 1:22 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Sensitize … June 28th, 2020

SENSITIZE 30

Every morning, Mr. Cring takes a personal moment with his audience.

Today: Breaking up bar fights can be tricky–especially if you favor one or the other.

Cring talks about the rich and the poor.

Click the picture below to see the video

Published in: on June 28, 2020 at 1:18 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Sensitize … June 26th, 2020

SENSITIZE 28

Every morning, Mr. Cring takes a personal moment with his audience.

Today: Money is supposed to be mercy. But neither rich people nor poor people can stop worrying about it.

Cring explains the trap.

Click the picture below to see the video

Published in: on June 26, 2020 at 1:10 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Sensitize … June 25th, 2020

SENSITIZE 27

Every morning, Mr. Cring takes a personal moment with his audience.

Today: Rich and poor. Republicans and Democrats. Racist and “PLACEIST.” A new word to describe how we deny opportunity to others.

Click the picture below to see the video

 

Published in: on June 25, 2020 at 1:17 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Cracked 5 … November 9th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

You Know You Are Poor When…

A. You go to the mark-down bins at the Dollar Store

 

B. You hope someone forgets a bag of groceries at the checkout so you can grab it, run to give it to them but instead, take it to your car and speed away

 

C. You wonder if you can reuse your toothpaste

 

D. You feed the dry skin from your elbows to your pet hamster

 

E. You tell your children that serial killers travel in ice cream trucks

 

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Jesonian … July 21st, 2018

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Jesus is not a conservative.

“He who is given much, much is expected.”

“Whenever you’ve done it unto the least of these, my brethren, you’ve done it unto me.”

Jesus is not a liberal.

“The poor you have with you always. Do what you can.”

“Every good tree brings forth good fruit.”

Jesus is also not a vegan.

Too much talk about killing the fatted calf and eating it, and of course, there was that time he devoured the grilled fish by the seashore.

Jesus is not a member of the NRA.

“They that live by the sword shall die by the sword.”

“My kingdom is not of this world; otherwise my disciples would fight.”

Jesus is not religious.

“Avoid vain repetition.”

“Thinking with their much speaking that they are pleasing God.”

Jesus is not an anarchist.

“Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s.”

“I have not come to destroy the world, but to save it.”

Jesus is a FAITHOLOGIST.

He studied faith, analyzed it, prayed for it, praised it, wondered where the hell it was when it wasn’t there, and showcased it.

He was a Faithologist.

First he taught people to have faith in themselves…

“You are the salt of the Earth.”

“Your faith has made you whole.”

…then God:

“Our Father, which art in heaven.”

“If you, being evil men, give good gifts, won’t your Father give even better?”

In his Faithology course, he taught faith in Nature:

“You can discern the face of the sky.”

“Consider the lily and how it grows.”

And he taught us to have faith in others:

“Give and men shall give to you, good measure, pressed down, running over.”

“Love your neighbor as yourself.”

He came in human form to talk to human beings about human things in a human way, to encourage human excellence. He certainly was the Great Humanist.

But he taught this by extolling the power of faith–that even as a mustard seed, if we will not doubt in our hearts, we can move mountains.

*****

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