Sit Down Comedy … November 15th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Life is like a bucket of bolts without a wrench.

Of course, it isn’t. It’s just one of those attempts at cleverness by an over-reaching writer trying to capture your darting attention to his overwrought work.

It’s kind of like when one of these hacks writes:

If everything has purpose, then God is one sick mofo.

You see what I mean? Trying to walk that fine line between street language, to make you think that he or she, typing the words, is in step with present-day pop culture, while also making you wonder if what’s being expressed is a squirt of agnosticism or a splash of raging against religious profanity.

Of course—maybe it’s just dumb.

Because I will tell you:

I saw an ant pushing a crumb of bread back to his hill. I thought, why doesn’t he eat the damn crumb, and then come back to his buddies and say he couldn’t find anything?

Ah, yes.

A gaggle of giggles to gurgle up an emotion emitting from every man, as alliteration is always alluring.

Of course, it isn’t really. It’s just an overuse of a practice that could benefit from some underuse.

Truth is: Life is a bowl of cherries that somebody already ate, leaving you the pits.

Yet we must not be too critical of those who at least try to make us smile while simultaneously offering food for thought. Granted, the food for thought is often Cheetos and candy bars, but as we all know, those can do quite well in a pinch.

Don’t you sometimes feel like standing on a mountain, or maybe a small hill in Kansas, and scream:

Excuse me, life! It’s your turn to have a good attitude!

But does the author really feel that? Or is the penner of the words merely pointing out that life is taken too seriously for how ridiculous it ends up being?

Because talking to a friend the other day, he said this to me: Life is meeting a beautiful woman and suddenly remembering you are gay. (Of course, this didn’t happen. I don’t have any gay friend.)

Now, there was a surprise, right? And the line is pretty funny. It might even tickle the bone until funny comes forth.

But my discovery is: Wisdom is when knowledge stops planning and starts working.

Wow. This kinda reads like the phrase a philosophy teacher might write on the chalkboard during the first class on the first morning of the first semester of the first year of an overly lengthy education.

So what is life? Or should that question even be asked? Is posing it just a setup for over-inspirational ideas or sardonic punchlines?

Does it cause us to come with a phrase like: Life is like getting a knee replacement and then breaking your leg.

At least there are layers. Gives you pause. Makes you twinge a bit in sympathetic agony.

One of my favorites is: Life is a beautiful bouquet of flowers that smells like poop.

Now, that could get some conversation going if you were really bored, had nothing to do and happened to be hanging out with a geek.

I don’t know—what do you think works? Do I really care—what works, and what you think?

Would you agree with me that we can’t be trusted on our own?

Human beings are too intelligent to be released with their flakey attitudes.

Here’s what I think:

We need a god if for no other reason than to keep us from worshipping ourselves.

And all the people said, “A-men.” (Did you say it out loud? Do you now feel stupid because I asked you?)

Our journey is a strange one.

Quite candidly: Life is a fork when you’ve been given a plate of peas.

Yes. That’s somewhat like it, isn’t it? Not.

Life is like a railroad, except there’s no train of thought and it’s hard to get on track.

Huh. I guess it’s not like a railroad at all.

 

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3 Things… September 13th, 2018

Jonathots Daily Blog

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That Should Make You Laugh

1. A dog chasing its tail

 

2. People who are way too serious

 

3. Your own mistakes

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3 Things… August 23rd, 2018

Jonathots Daily Blog

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That Mentally and Emotionally Disturbed People Could Do Instead of Shooting Up Schools

1. A rugged buffalo hunt in the Montana Mountains with members of the Shoshone Tribe (you could even use your assault rifle)

 

2. Bingeing video games, mixing tequila with Gatorade and trying to set the record on the most pizza eaten in a 24-hour period (that’s a great shot)

 

3. Take advantage of months and months of free therapy provided by the tax payers, who would much rather see you comfortable in a hospital than for them to attend the funerals of their children.

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3 Things… July 19th, 2018

Jonathots Daily Blog

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That Will Slow the Aging Process

1. Think, using your reasoning

 

 

2. Listen, using your mercy

 

 

3. Laugh, using your humility

 

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Tame the Shame… November 7, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

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I come to you today as a reluctant writer.

I rarely have apprehension about expressing my feelings, but there are two nagging pieces of silliness that have garnered great acceptance within the American public which I feel compelled to address. As always, I would like to do so by pointing the spotlight at my own inadequacies instead of others.

One of the reasons I hate to be referred to as a “blogger” is that the reputation of such a creature is that of an attack dog rather than a contented puppy. While recently reading an article on the Internet by an individual decrying the action of “shame,” I became conscious that our society is trying to expel all introspection in deference to self-acceptance, which unfortunately, neither helps us find self nor is accepted. Let me explain:

Last night I was trying to make a point. Thinking that my intentions were being repelled by those in the room, I kicked into a gear of vehemence. I felt justified. After all, what I was saying was grounded in truth and relatively important. But my words were crude, my attack vicious and the result was an acquiescence by those who heard me–due to fear of my temperament rather than understanding of the principles.

So when I laid my head down last night to go to sleep, I felt shame.

If I followed the psychology of today, I would reject that sensation as counter-productive to my self-confidence. I would have rationalized my deeds as being correct because they brought about the proclamation of candor. But I would be wrong.

I felt shame. And instead of rejecting that shame, I tamed it–embraced it, if you will.

For I will tell you, my dear friends, there is a difference between shame and ashamed.

  • Shame is thrust upon me because of my conceited, unbowed head, which forbids any notion of lacking on my part.
  • But ashamed is when I take the time to evaluate my own actions and realize that I was “weighed in the balances and found wanting.”

If I have to become angry to relate the beauty of love and truth, I am a bastard in the human family. The end does not justify the means. Hell, the present doesn’t even justify the means.

Without allowing ourselves to be ashamed, we fail to recognize the repentance which is necessary to create the change that we insist is the goal of a progressive society.

So how do I know if I’m experiencing the brunt of shame, or if a necessary amount of “being ashamed” is graciously applied to my life? If I am ashamed:

  1. It’s my idea because I have taken truly holy time to look at my actions instead of justifying them.
  2. If I’m ashamed and it’s to my benefit, it brings about the amazing mixture of good cheer and tears.
  3. I want to do it better next time. If I’m ashamed and it is born of a spiritual instinct, my desire will be to have another opportunity to show more excellent results.
  4. And finally, if I’m ashamed, I won’t be afraid to speak it out and admit it to others–because it was MY idea, and necessary to expel from my body.

Shame is when somebody else forces conclusions on you. In that case, pop culture is right–the scenario is useless.

But ashamed is opening the door to a repentance that allows us to become a person that we don’t mind lying down with and going to sleep.

So that’s Number One–shame.

Tomorrow we will take on bullying.

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Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about personal appearances or scheduling an event

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