PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant … October 4th, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3449)

Broken Windows

1776 — BANG!

1863 — BANG, BANG, BANG!

1945 — KABOOM! KABLAM! KABLAST!

1971 — da da da da ripple roo da da da da cha cha do

2017 — buzz buzz kill kill rip roar tear split zip zap zap zip zippety zap zap zoom

From hell on high

Bullets from the sky

A rain of terror

A grotesque error

He made it his job

To spill the blood of the mob

Broken windows

No grace

Obliterate the country race

Why’d he do it?

Did you know him?

Was he on Facebook?

Was it mission or whim?

Everyone needs a gun

It’s a helluva lot of fun

Finding a place to shoot

So damn cool, what a hoot

A King Kong climbed the building

Bringing death from above

150 rounds a minute

Can’t be stopped by words of love

A gun has a trigger

A trigger, a bullet

The bullet has a mission

To alter the human condition

One pull on the trigger

Makes the death toll bigger

If the dudes in powdered wigs could view

What has happened with Amendment Two

If every soul in Vegas Town

Had a gun and turned around

And shot to kill Monster Man

They would have fallen short

Still cursed with the same report

People are dead, the announcer said

We’ve lost the fight.

Be safe.

Good night.The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this inspirational opportunity

 

 

 

 

 

Cracked 5 … June 27th, 2017

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Jonathots Daily Blog

(3350)

Ways to Celebrate Our Founding Fathers on July 4th Other Than Fireworks

A.  POWDER AND SNUFF

A cavalcade of powdered wigs and various opiates and hallucinogenic drugs inhaled and smoked by the Continental Congress

B.  REACH FOR A LEECH

Bring your family for a once-in-a-lifetime “placing of the leeches”–so they can see how the colonists attempted to cure all disease (paramedics standing by in case of great blood loss)

C.  “TAKE A NEGRO TO WORK” DAY

Call up one of your friends of color and take him to your job as your slave, complete with chains and desperate expression. Yes, you can be Tom Jefferson, and he can be just “Tom.”

D.  ODORATION

Come and experience various chambers with early American body odor sprayed in, to give you the experience of sniffing people who wore too many clothes and did not use deodorant.

E.  MUSKETING

Salute to the Second Amendment–a Revolutionary War Gun Show, complete with unreliable, sometimes exploding flintlocks, and a chart displaying that it would take approximately seventeen straight hours for a mass killer to murder 25 people with a musket. (That’s if everyone agreed to hang around for the re-loading.)

 

 

 

 

Cracked 5 … June 30th, 2015

Jonathots Daily Blog

(2619)

Previously Unknown Edits that the Forefathers Made to Thomas Jefferson’s First Draft of the Declaration of Independence

 

A. All men are created funky.

B. Wearing powdered wigs, frilly shirts and satin pants does not make one a “dandy.”

C. Reduced child support for “Slave Mama.”

D. England sucks soggy crumpets.

E. The Declaration of “In YO Face…”

 

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NEW BOOK RELEASE BY JONATHAN RICHARD CRING

WITHIN

A meeting place for folks who know they’re human

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New Hope… October 18, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

(2040)

I paused.

When Janet handed me the file on our sponsor for this weekend in Freedom, Pennsylvania, I noted that the venue was New Hope Lutheran Church.

The reason for my brief consideration was that I was trying to figure out if “new hope” was redundant–repetitious, as it were. After all, isn’t all hope new? Or we wouldn’t wish for it in the first place. And aren’t most things that are new still in the hopeful phase on the drawing board?

But then I realized that there are old hopes which need to be rejuvenated rather than buried as dead and meaningless.

For instance, while people argue about the Constitution of the United States, I look at it as a hope that was expressed over two hundred and twenty years ago, by a bunch of fellows in powdered wigs, who didn’t even know about trains, let alone rockets to the moon, and who certainly were anticipating that as things progressed, other folks would come along and “juice up” the original hope.

Likewise, when I read the Good Book, I am fully aware that the hope expressed by Moses thousands of years ago about God was given a reprieve by countless prophets, teachers and wise men and women over the years, culminating with Jesus, who fulfilled the vision and pushed the hope forward to us.

Hope needs newness. Matter off fact, if hope doesn’t receive an infusion of new ideas, it becomes tradition, which generally speaking, stalls the human race with trying to address the problems of our present world with tools from the past. Not very handy, man.

So I’m excited about going to New Hope. Matter of fact, I’ve already come up with a message to share with the beautiful people. It may be the definition of new hope:

Don’t give up on an idea just because things aren’t ideal.

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about personal appearances or scheduling an event