Jonathots Daily Blog
(2021)
I don’t think they know.
Matter of fact, I’m pretty sure of it. I don’t really WANT them to be aware because it’s a decision of my own.
When you’re traveling on the road with two other people, it’s important to have single-mindedness, but it’s also essential to make your own personal choices so as to control the quality of your work–maybe better stated, the quality of your life.
It is my job every morning to slice the grapefruits in half. Since there are three of us, every other day it requires the division of two such orbs. Although I have practiced for some time, I can never quite get the grapefruit cut completely evenly, so that the halves are identical. (I know this is my lacking, so you needn’t inform me.)
So then I have a decision: who gets the small grapefruit?
Honestly, my inclination is to view myself as the physically largest person in the room, so therefore it stands to reason that I should get a larger grapefruit. E-h-h-h–not for me. The notion of passing out grapefruit based on massiveness really turns me off.
I thought about having somebody else slice the grapefruit, but then I’m depending on their good nature and sense of fairness to be superior to mine–and therefore end up with the small grapefruit anyway, right? So the only way to guarantee that the grapefruit will be distributed to my liking is to carve it myself.
So back to the question: who gets that inevitably smaller half (which ends up being kind of a third by the time I finish mutilating it)?
It didn’t take me long to come to a conclusion: I always take the small grapefruit.
It’s not because I’m a martyr. It’s not because I’m trying to win points in heavenly places. It’s just that the decision to choose any other option is so selfish, stupid and ridiculous that I don’t even want to entertain it.
I wouldn’t want to think that I’m better than anyone else so I get the bigger grapefruit.
Now you may find this really silly, but I think it’s supreme.
Matter of fact, if I were transported back in time and could give counsel to Adam and Eve, I would say: “Listen. Take care of the small grapefruit, and the apples will take care of themselves.”
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Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about personal appearances or scheduling an event
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The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly donation for this inspirational opportunity
Jonathots Daily Blog 