WINona … October 5, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

(2027)

lightAfter my show in Circleville, Ohio, a woman asked me where I was heading. I told her I was going to Winona. She frowned and inserted, “Winona? Are you kidding? They don’t even have a stop light.” (I was completely unaware that having a stop light was the new criterion for village viability.)

But I guess everybody has standards for what they think is normal in their surroundings. I personally like the fact that Winona has “WIN” as the first three letters of its name. I know it’s a little silly, but I believe a bit of mirth is necessary in our lives to keep us from becoming dark “doodis” or “doodats.”

And that got me thinking about the word “win.” I think we have the mistaken idea in our society that some people are born winners and the rest are innately losers. I don’t agree. I think there are easy things we can do which cause us to chalk our efforts into the win column more than in the loss. Actually, these steps are so simple that people might consider them to be trivial. But it might be a mistake to call something ridiculous until you put it into practice and find out how the wheel rolls.Winona UMC

What will I tell the good folks of Winona this weekend, encouraging them to win instead of lose?

1. Stop blaming other people. One sure way to lose control in your life is to insist that someone else holds the key to your success, which they have swallowed and you are now waiting for it to come out their back side. I am tired of finger-pointing, folks with their noses out of joint, and stiff-necked grown-ups who just don’t take personal responsibility for their own actions. Do you want to do something really exciting? Blow everybody’s mind and take the blame for something you DIDN’T do. It gives you the power to change the circumstances while feeling free from the guilt.

2. Do one thing better. Don’t try to change your whole life. Just find one thing that comes up every day and do it with a bit more flair, finesse, attention and care. It will be noticeable. Acting like you are trapped in your own haplessness with no remedy guarantees that you will stay a failure and have those around you testify to your inefficiency. How can you advertise being a loser? Act disappointed, depressed and dismal. All of your friends and enemies will fill in the blanks.

3. And finally, to chalk one up for a win: Be of good cheer. All losers have three things in common. They’re grumpy, they’re glum and they’re gloomy.

Just removing these three things from your life and replacing them with a bit of humor and perspective sets you apart from the masses, which are determined to paint all dark brown rooms black.

That’s what I will share with the good folks of Winona. I will tell them to cease to be ashamed of their lack of a stop light and instead:

  • Stop blaming other people
  • Do one thing better
  • And be of good cheer.

In that way they will be able to live up to the first three letters in their name.

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about personal appearances or scheduling an event

Small Grapefruit… September 30, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

(2021)

breakfastI don’t think they know.

Matter of fact, I’m pretty sure of it. I don’t really WANT them to be aware because it’s a decision of my own.

When you’re traveling on the road with two other people, it’s important to have single-mindedness, but it’s also essential to make your own personal choices so as to control the quality of your work–maybe better stated, the quality of your life.

It is my job every morning to slice the grapefruits in half. Since there are three of us, every other day it requires the division of two such orbs. Although I have practiced for some time, I can never quite get the grapefruit cut completely evenly, so that the halves are identical. (I know this is my lacking, so you needn’t inform me.)

So then I have a decision: who gets the small grapefruit?

Honestly, my inclination is to view myself as the physically largest person in the room, so therefore it stands to reason that I should get a larger grapefruit. E-h-h-h–not for me. The notion of passing out grapefruit based on massiveness really turns me off.

I thought about having somebody else slice the grapefruit, but then I’m depending on their good nature and sense of fairness to be superior to mine–and therefore end up with the small grapefruit anyway, right? So the only way to guarantee that the grapefruit will be distributed to my liking is to carve it myself.

So back to the question: who gets that inevitably smaller half (which ends up being kind of a third by the time I finish mutilating it)?

It didn’t take me long to come to a conclusion: I always take the small grapefruit.

It’s not because I’m a martyr. It’s not because I’m trying to win points in heavenly places. It’s just that the decision to choose any other option is so selfish, stupid and ridiculous that I don’t even want to entertain it.

I wouldn’t want to think that I’m better than anyone else so I get the bigger grapefruit.

Now you may find this really silly, but I think it’s supreme.

Matter of fact, if I were transported back in time and could give counsel to Adam and Eve, I would say: “Listen. Take care of the small grapefruit, and the apples will take care of themselves.”

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about personal appearances or scheduling an event

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