Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … February 6th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Dear Man Dear Woman

Dear Woman: So what did you think?

 

Dear Man: About what?

 

Dear Woman: Dinner.

 

Dear Man: It was good.

 

Dear Woman: What did you eat?

 

Dear Man: What do you mean?

 

Dear Woman: I mean, what did you eat? What was it?

 

Dear Man: Chicken. Am I right?

 

Dear Woman: You see, this is my problem. Yes, it was chicken, but I made a special sauce to go with it, added some cheese. I spent a little time.

 

Dear Man: And so do I. You know our routine. Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I work on dinner when I get home. Tuesday and Thursday you do it. Saturday is pizza day and Sunday is clean out the refrigerator.

 

Dear Woman: I know. But you see, my point is, because you don’t have any part in my dinner-making tonight, we don’t have any connection.

 

Dear Man: We have conversation over dinner.

 

Dear Woman: Somewhat. But conversation about your day and conversation about my day is not conversation about our day.

 

Dear Man: What do you mean?

 

Dear Woman: What I mean is, you spent most of your day at work with people putting together projects, getting close to them in a mutual effort, and then we come here and we’re married, but the only thing we ever really do together is pay bills.

 

Dear Man: That’s ridiculous. We do lots of things together. We watch movies, we go to the mall, we shop, we go to the park…

 

Dear Woman: You see, that’s the problem We go to places but we’re not a place. I know you don’t necessarily believe all the Adam and Eve stuff from the Bible…

 

Dear Man: I believe in the Bible, just not everything…

 

Dear Woman: Well, I don’t believe in everything, either. But even the things I don’t think are possible, I still try to learn the lessons they have to offer…

 

Dear Man: So what am I missing?

 

Dear Woman: Adam and Eve not only had a life together–sex, romance–but they also worked together. They had a Garden to take care of. It made them get up every morning and notice each other. Kind of like, “Thank God you’re here. Otherwise, I’d have to do the Garden by myself.”

 

Dear Man: I’m glad you’re here…

 

Dear Woman: Let me finish. And then they became involved. How do we take care of the Garden? How do we produce this together? A statement of, “There’s much to do and I need you.” They weren’t just roommates. They were work-mates.

 

Dear Man: So how would we work together?

 

Dear Woman: I don’t know. But it created appreciation. They got to see each other doing their stuff at their best, so they could turn to each other and say, “You did great. We did great.” I just feel like I do my best work on the job and you never get to see it.

 

Dear Man: Well, you don’t get to see my best work, either.

 

Dear Woman: Exactly.

 

Dear Man: So what you’re saying is that maybe rather than doing dinner separately, we do it together, and in the process throw in ideas, laugh at ourselves, and come up with a concoction we both are invested in, and therefore will be more interesting to us.

 

Dear Woman: Brilliantly said! I just feel like the more we do together, the more we’ll enjoy what we do, and the more we’ll notice each other, get involved with each other and appreciate each other.

 

Dear Man: Well, it seems like an idea we can do.

 

Dear Woman: I think so, too. I think if we just take the chores of the house, the cooking and the everyday stuff and try to do some of it together so we can watch each other at work, instead of trying to explain our day over dinner, when the thrill of the moment is long gone…well, I just think it’ll draw us closer.

 

Dear Man: We can still keep pizza night, right?

 

Dear Woman: Yeah. Maybe sometimes we’ll make our own pizzas, though.

 

Dear Man: I think we just crossed a line…

 

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Ask Jonathots … July 23rd, 2015

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I’m a 24-year-old girl, engaged to be married this October. My fiancé and I are both ambitious career people–he’s a lawyer and I’m in graphics and advertising. Here’s my question: how do we keep the intimacy in the relationship when we have to spend so much time apart? Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? It makes me feel anxious.

You should feel anxious. You’re sitting on a powder keg.

I know I probably should answer your question a bit more diplomatically, but I think it is probably one of the more serious mistakes people make when assessing how their relationship with another human being is going to pan out.

Let’s put it this way: if sharing expenses, bank accounts, room space, refrigerator, shower and television privileges–if all of these were a turn-on, roommates would be ravaging each other right and left.

Relationship has to be more than finance and having children. What brings two people together is a common passion which is expressed in a common goal.

This is why grown adults who are committed to deep-rooted marriages can go on a movie set together and end up having an affair. The intimacy created by working on the same project is almost overwhelming.

With that in mind, rather than giving up on your relationship or going off and trying to start a rock and roll band together and starve in the street, just develop a side business, a common hobby or some activity which you repeatedly do together and demands the involvement of both of you, and to some degree places you in a bit of jeopardy.

You don’t have to do it more than once a week.

  • But you can make every Saturday your day to pursue your garage sale business.
  • Sunday afternoon could be the pursuit of arts and crafts, which you both try to market in some capacity.
  • Start a blog together.
  • Do a podcast about relationships.

Anything you can commit to together which forces you into a mutual sensation of being creative will keep the bark in your spark.

Without that, you can quickly become roomies who discuss bills and occasionally fall into bed with each other if you get horny enough.

When God made man and woman, he placed them in a Garden, and the first thing he gave them was a common occupation.

It makes us hot for each other.

If you have trouble finding something you want to do together, you might consider that to be tell-tale. If your only interest in one another is sex and marriage, it’s a horrible way to begin a life. It has to be sex, marriage plus something else.

And the something else will keep you involved with each other and help you to understand why the sex and marriage are there in the first place.

 

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