Sit Down Comedy …March 29th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

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I, too, have no collusion with rushin’.

Slow down

That’s what I say.

Slow-cooked chicken. Give the bird a chance to reflect on its journey before you dip it in the gravy.

I like the slow lane on the freeway, just in case, on a whim, I decide to exit.

I’m the guy you honk at because I’m going the speed limit

And for some goddamn reason this has ruined your life.

I had to quit football because there was running. I loved the blocking. I loved the tackling. Looked pretty good in the uniform. I could not convince my coach that running was unnecessary. He explained that the other team would have people carrying the ball, and we must chase them, and stop them. I suggested we surround them and move in slowly for the kill. He didn’t agree.

I was at a department store yesterday, entering the door, when two ladies in front of us stopped to chat with a friend. It blocked the entrance. I was happy. For a few moments I didn’t have to move.

The lady right in front of me, turned and peered at me, hoping to get support for how stupid it was for these two women to be talking to another human, blocking her progress. She move her cart around them, but there was no room. Finally the two women who were having the delightful conversation realized they were being assaulted from the rear and stepped aside.

The lady zoomed by, disgusted.

She’s fast.

I’m not. All my turtles win by a “hare.”

So you can imagine how ill-suited I am for a season in which how speedily things are accomplished is more important than the quality of what is produced. I dare to say that’s the entire problem in our nation.

We have the evangelical church, which is racing around looking for signs of Armageddon and the Second Coming of Christ, while young people are testing the temperature and depth of the oceans, convinced we’re all in hot water, preparing to cook like lobsters.

Here I am, slowing down

We have picked our past four Presidents because they were like fast cars and we were acting like teenagers.

Bill Clinton was not ready to be President. He and his wife had not yet made their peace about his flirtations and womanizing.

George W. Bush should never have been President. We should have put him in charge of CIA Black Ops, and he could have murdered Saddam Hussein, which would have saved tens of thousands of lives and about a trillion dollars.

Barack Obama was also ill-prepared for the transition. Although a pleasant man, he did not understand the futility that had to be overcome to lead the country and fell victim to cunning minds.

And Donald Trump was doing extraordinarily well working with buildings and an “Apprentice” here and there, without being given a job which cannot always be negotiated through “The Art of the Deal.”

It was all too fast

And because of that, we are in the midst of an ongoing “clean-up on Aisle 3,” with mistakes being made which don’t seem to mop up.

So not being in a hurry to give my opinion, and allowing myself a space of time to think, I will tell you…

(to be continued)

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She’s Running Today — October 2, 2011

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I read about it in a book, which curiously claims to possess a face.  She has entered a race and will be running today.  When I saw the words I couldn’t help but smile.  How remarkable life is–yet how few times we remark.  Curious. 

Because when I met her, she wasn’t walking. Actually, she was barely crawling. She had been beaten down by a man who was supposed to lift her spirit up and praise her for her beauty and uniqueness.  He didn’t. Absent a soul of satisfaction, he continued to ransack her self-confidence and joy to feed his insatiable need for approval. 

She didn’t hate him. That was the profile she selected in a moment of weakness, trying to be loyal to somebody who had already abandoned her. It left her destitute of options and emotionally raped.  For emotion? She had none. She wasn’t allowed to have any–because her feelings might have sprouted a bit of dissatisfaction which would have been completely unacceptable to her aggressor. 

How do you free a prisoner who is chained to her captor?  You can’t. She has to find the key and she is the only one who can relieve her imprisonment. Yet you can encourage her to use the key.

So I did.  I just asked her to feel again. I listened. 

Nothing of any quality happens in the human experience without the freedom to feel without being ashamed.

Once she tapped a well of emotion, trapped in a cave-in deep in her soul, she realized that her unhappiness would not only prevent her from joy but eventually would also be her undoing. She got free. She left her abductor and became a soul who was no longer a hostage to aggravation.

She was so grateful that she wanted to come along with me and join my efforts. I denied her. She was confused and felt I was rejecting her as a person, when actually, I was merely passing on an opportunity to become her new master. She didn’t need a master.  She didn’t even need anyone who resembled a master.  She certainly didn’t require another human being to be her source once again.  Reluctantly, I moved on, having accomplished my portion in her redemption.

She stumbled for a time. We must always remember–it is not our job to keep people from falling on their faces. For after all, there is no way to learn how to get up without first falling down. I always encouraged her–but I never manipulated her. I always respected her–but I never demanded that she return in kind.  Step by step, she grew older and wiser, until finally she found her feet and began to walk. At first she stayed in contact out of a sense of loyalty, but soon her ability to move took her away from me.

And now I hear she’s running in a race.  Today. She has gotten herself in shape, she has exercised, she has mobilized and she is ready to compete.

I am thrilled.

Because most people want to sit around and sing “Amazing grace! How sweet the sound.” It is a wonderful sentiment–but I think when God sings, His song is a bit different. I think that as a good father, benefactor, savior and kind heart, He looks down and sings:  “Amazing people! Who have accepted My grace.”

She’s running today.  Did I mention that?

Amazing.

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Jonathan Sings “Let”

Jonathan Sings “Spent This Time”