Cracked 5 … August 29th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Things We Learned from the Political Conventions

A. They can easily be done without balloons or hats.

 

B. Hookers got two weeks off.

 

C. The other guy is a crazy, communist, conservative.

 

D. Smiling is not always friendly.

 

E. Nothing.

 

Cracked 5 … August 8th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4488)

Cracked 5

Names Used by the Amish When Referring to the Female Vagina

 

1. Grassy Knoll

 

2.  Muffin

 

3. Barn Raiser

 

4. Vag-ta-ble

 

5. Fertilla

 

 

Cracked 5 … June 20th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Circumstances are changing on us, so here is a new list of things we are looking for in a President:

 

A. Someone under 80, who thinks he or she is in their late 60’s and can do a single push-up to prove it.

 

B. An effeminate man. This way we don’t have to elect a woman.

 

C. A Democrat who is too lazy to change things or a Republican who is confused on what to change.

 

D. A professional liar who can occasionally delight and fool us.

 

E.  Having the ability to pretend as if he is listening to others.

 

 

Cracked 5 … February 29th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Cures for March Madness

 

A. Extend February by thirty-one days.

 

B. Change the name from “March” to “Stroll.”

 

C. Put less focus and mania on college hoops.

 

D. Just simply don’t let your spring get sprung.

 

E. Have Daylight Savings Time murdered.

 

 

 


 

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Cracked 5 … February 22nd, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Some Complaints Heard from a Ventriloquist’s Dummy

 

A. “I feel like a husband.”

 

B. “Tired of coming out of the closet.”

 

C. “No one takes me seriously.”

 

D. “The name ‘dummy’ is hurtful.”

 

E. “If you’re gonna stick your hand up my ass, at least first buy me dinner.”

 

 

 


 

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Sit Down Comedy … December 6th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Now and then I come across someone or something that I believe to be inadequately named by the New Oxford Dictionary.

So I make up a word of my own.

This week I’ve been thinking about “hero.” Everyone has an image in mind when they hear the term, but we do not really have a word for people who are not heroes, but thump their chests, proclaiming themselves to be.

So I would like to offer my word for such a person:

HEGO

Just to clarify:

A hero is an individual who rises to the occasion and is adequately surprised and humbled by the positive results.

A hego is a person who fails to deliver, but still insists that he* did the job.

A hero doesn’t promise, but still provides.

A hego fails and claims he never promised.

A hero considers the responsibility before agreeing to try.

A hego assumes there is nothing he can’t do.

A hero searches for others better qualified than himself.

A hego believes he is the most qualified without ever searching.

A hero demands no reward.

A hego needs the reward to confirm his worth.

A hero carries his cross.

A hego places his cross on another.

A hero tells the truth because he must.

A hego exaggerates because he must be perceived as great.

Whether in politics, business, entertainment or religion, each path requires a certain amount of honor. When this is provided, a hero can emerge. When it’s ignored and shortcuts are sought, a hego is hatched.

A hero gives of himself.

A hego uses others.

A hero fears being a coward and ends up brave.

A hego believes himself brave and ends up a coward.

A hero steps back.

A hego pushes forward.

A hero lays down his life for a friend.

A hego asks the friend to perform the sacrifice.

A hero seeks peace.

A hego yearns for war.

Bluntly, we could consider the hego to be an exercise in foolishness except for the fact that when our enemies know that we no longer respect the role of a hero, they are more likely to attack whomever has become our latest hego.

A hero believes in others.

A hego believes in himself.

It is my heart that America needs a hero, or maybe two. For after all, we are well-staffed with the hego.

 


*he or she

Cracked 5 … May 18th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(4049)

Cracked 5

Some Very Unnecessary Political Insults (But Curious)

A.  Demobrats

B.  The Congrossman

C.  Repukelicans

D.  Fixed News

 E.  Electoral Kindergarten

 

Donate ButtonThe producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this inspirational opportunity 

 

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