Cracked 5 … February 8th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4314)

Things I Did When I Was Acquitted

A. Checked for correct spelling in dictionary

 

B. Kissed my lucky stars and everything orbiting them

 

C. Shut my mouth, hoping people would begin to forget what I was accused of

 

D. Held a prayer breakfast and bitched about my enemies

 

E. Had M.C. Hammer sing at my party: “Too legit to acquit”

 

 

Cracked 5 … February 1st, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4307)

Reasons We Shouldn’t Have a Female President

 

A. She may not be able to out-burp Saudi Arabian Ambassador.

 

B. She might not find Putin attractive.

 

C. Her husband would look ridiculous in the gowns worn for state dinners.

 

D. Her high heels might get caught climbing into Air Force One.

 

E. Because we are a foolish, patriarchal, misogynistic country.

 

Cracked 5 … March 7th, 2017

 

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3240)

Other Countries Presenting Challenges Which President Trump May Wish to Ban

A.  Britain: Suspicious nooks and crannies in English muffins

 

B.  Luxembourg: A spelling threat

 

C.  Canada: Not sure what they mean by “eh”

 

D.  Switzerland: Neutral?? My ass!

 

E.  Saudi Arabia: Since most of the 9/11 terrorists were citizens of it