1 Thing You Can Do to Freshen Your Endurance

 

Take the Garbage Out More Frequently

I suppose it is nearly a family tradition to have one moment of time each day when the garbage is removed from the container, tied off at the top and carried out to the can, to await the arrival of that special man or woman who does us the great service of toting it someplace far away, where we never have to worry about it again.

The only problem with that plan is that sometimes, thrown into the pail, are the remains of a fish dinner, chopped-up onions or any array of discarded items from the kitchen that have no intention of leaving this Earth without stinking up the joint.

If you decide to wait until garbage removal time, these “putrids” can leave a lasting impression on your house for days to come.

Likewise, in our times, the sacred issue not being addressed has nothing to do with lying, politics, school shootings, immigration or climate control, but rather, the question, how can we dispose of these odious issues once they’ve invaded our house through the 24-hour news cycle and then decide to hang around, making everything stinky-poo?

God knows there’s nothing I can do to prevent garbage from coming my way.

But I can certainly bag it up and get it out of my presence as quickly as possible.

This is how, as mature, competent humans, we must survive this era of fantasy and horror.

So for every five-minute news story I hear telling me of doom and gloom, I need to spend ten minutes with my family, enjoying a sweet season of silly.

For every two hours binge-watching an apocalyptic mini-series, I need to allow myself a chance to go in another room and create something—anything except digging a bomb shelter.

Garbage comes.

The trick is knowing when to take it out—how quickly to get it away from your life, so the smell doesn’t linger in your kitchen and cling to your living area.

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3 Things … May 16th, 2019

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That Can Steal Your Great Potential

  1. Unspoken fears that scream in your heart

 

  1. Silly rage that escapes its cage

 

  1. Silence of your desire, betraying your needed purpose Donate Button

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Cracked 5 … May 15th, 2018


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Intriguing Advantages to Being Totally Bald

 

A.  Avoiding the annoying flirtations of pesky women

 

B.  Landing field for woodpeckers

 

C.  Easier to peel off crusty dandruff

 

D.  Allows your ears to stand out

 

E.  Not tempted to try a comb-over

 

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Cracked 5 … January 23rd, 2018


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Special Sporting Events Which Once Again Have Been Rejected for the 2018 Winter Olympics

A.  International Snowball Hats

 

B.  Nordic Poleless Skiing

 

C.  Ladies Figure Slush Skating

 

D.  Three-Man Bob Slobbering

 

E.  Frisball (deflated basketballs are tossed through the air to the goal to score points)

 

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Cracked 5 … December 5th, 2017


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Some people are offended by the religious implications of saying “Merry Christmas.” Here are five renditions they might find even more unsettling:

A. Happy B-Day, Baby J!

 

B. A baby shower for Mary and Joseph (bring a gift)

 

C. Save 50% at the Savior Birth Extravaganza!

 

D. Merry Manger Moments

 

E. Happy Jesus-mas

 

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Cracked 5 … August 1st, 2017


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Creepy Things Your Mom and Dad Say When They Walk Up, Trying to Be Cool, and You’re Hanging Out With Your Friends

A. “Had a bowel dissected last week. Went well, though.”

 

B. “They said the clog in the tube was the largest one they’d ever seen–dark and gritty.”

 

C. “Funny thing–the nurse had the same operation last year, but they had to pump her for an hour.”

 

D. “I watched so much television I finally caught an interview with Kim Kardashian. She really does have a big butt. Smart–but a whopper backside.”

 

E. “Listen, kids–eat more fiber. My doctor said it will save you from walkin’ around with a bag hangin’ off your belt.”

 

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Good News and Better News … August 1st, 2016

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Good News Enola NewsletterI always request a church newsletter–every place I go. I imagine the staff might speculate on why I want it. They might think I’m trying to confirm whether our appearance was adequately advertised, but since I’m already there, it would be fruitless to know.

The reason I read the church newsletter is that I’m trying to figure out what they’re doing and where they’re going.

It’s very important. Without a definite idea on doing and going, we can find ourselves whisked away with many a tornado of confusion.

So I read the newsletter of Enola Emmanuel United Methodist Church while I was sitting in my green room before the program.

The main article was about “branding”–passing on an easily identifiable image to the surrounding community concerning mission.

Here’s the dilemma: in branding, we too often try to chase spiritual goals, using limited human abilities. For instance, we extol the importance of prayer, witnessing, church attendance and Bible reading to human folk who spend most of their time working, eating and sleeping.

Jesus had a different idea.

He told us that the world was full of tribulation but there wasn’t anything we would be able to do about that.Good News Enola Good cheer

He also said the world would need to be overcome. He placed that chore on himself.

He gave us a human mission: “Be of good cheer.”

Yet if you share this with people, they look at you as if you’re silly or irresponsible. But good cheer is the only thing we can accomplish with energy.

It begins by understanding that church should not be a service or a worship experience, but rather, a rally. We need to teach our congregations to:

1. Be

“I will find joy, joyfully”

2. Of

“I will join with others”

3. Good

“Together we will discover what is valuable”

4. Cheer

“Linking in fellowship, we will celebrate goodness”

Removing celebration from church is like taking the breath out of lungs. It leaves us with reverence and no praise. The Gospel of Jesus was intended to be human-friendly, not ethereal.

Good News Enola penSit down, take a pen and paper and write what turns you on. Make a list of the things you find joyful, enhancing and enriching. Then go out and find a way to do those things while benefitting others.

There is an empty chair waiting in the church for the person who will dare to be real and admit that he or she is human, and not ashamed of it.

The good news is that branding is finding our way to “be of good cheer.”

The better news is that cheerful people are a great draw.

Good News Enola chair

 

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Jonathan’s Latest Book Release!

PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant

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