Cracked 5 … July 4th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4453)

Ways to Have an Acceptable Covid-19 July 4^th Celebration

1. Set fire to all your clothing that has been exposed to the virus and stand around the bonfire singing, “This Is My Country.”

 

2. Sparklers in the back yard—six feet apart.

 

3. Eat. Yes, eating is still legal.

 

4. Avoid watching “Independence Day,” since it’s an attack by an alien presence.

 

5. Walk to the corner and back, and upon returning cleanse yourself with a garden hose. Perhaps you could make it a family “hose-down.”

 

Cracked 5 … July 6th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4098)

What to Do with Leftover July 4^th Crap

 A. Use remaining sparklers as nightlights in baby nursery

 

B. Use hamburger buns as mini-frisbees

 

C. Set off firecrackers to frighten termites

 

D. Potato salad tacos!!

 

E. Argue politics with your neighbor, who noticed that the flag you hung up near your mailbox was not standard military design and size.

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Cracked 5 … July 7th, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2626)

Items Left Over After the July 4th Celebration

 

A. Two probably perfectly good uncooked T-bone steaks that Picky Pam said “smelled funny.”

 

B. An odd-looking bottle of untouched blue liquor labeled “George Washington Whiskey.”

 

C. A ruined Uncle Sam goatee that came unglued from your face and fell into the guacamole.

 

D. Two boxes of sparklers that failed to ignite because the cat peed on them.

 

E. Two packs of tofu hotdogs that you bought, but your vegetarian buddies from work failed to show up.

 

 

 

 

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