PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant … June 6th, 2018

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3695)

Please Explain

by Jonathan Richard Cring

 

My friend Brillo has a pad

Crazy Larry is really quite mad

Dirty Harry is never clean

Porno Pete, quite obscene

 

Sistah Golda’s the Queen of Funk

Stinky Stephen sniffs of skunk

Reverend Frowner knows the Word

Charlie the Clown is truly absurd

 

Private Gump had Lieutenant Dan

The Potts family owns a special pan

The Bumblebee really rarely does

And Fuzzy Wuzzy has no fuzz

 

Little Boy Blue looks better in red

Are they thankful–the Grateful Dead?

We’re looking for a star without the wars

Windows of opportunity, or are there just doors?

 

It’s never funny to be sent to the farm

And a safety pin can do some harm

You may never find a hat on a cat

And a skinny farm is for those who are fat

 

Words, wishes on the wall

Graffiti or art–it’s your call

I’m not confused, don’t worry about me

Just please explain Chicken of the Sea

Today’s PoHymn is read by Lily, thirteen years old, from Broward County, Florida

 

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

 

Advertisements

Cracked 5 … February 6th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3575)

cracked 5 logo keeper with border

Upcoming Disney Movie Releases

 

A. FOG

(A beautiful princess finds herself trapped in a bank of fog which extends for hundreds of miles. She is befriended by a kind stranger whom she cannot see, who aids her to travel to clearer skies. The stranger ends up being a six-foot-tall lizard. He reaches out for appreciation and she screams in horror and runs back into the fog.)

 

B. WILLIE WEASEL

(Willie the Weasel, who has a great hunger to eat chickens, is guided to new understanding by Harriet the Hen, who teaches him the joy of the “voyage to vegan.”)

 

C. JELLY BELLY

(A host of angry jellyfish take over the ocean blue, scaring all the fishes in the sea until Petey, the Puff Fish, finds out they’re not really mean–just have very bad gas. Tums for all the jelly-bellies, and the maritime is at peace.)

 

D. STAR WERES

(Abandoned characters from Star Wars are living on the street, homeless, plotting how they can use The Force to get some bread.)

 

E. JO-JO BLACK AND THE SEVEN MORPHS

(Queen Jo-Jo Black from the ghetto hooks up with seven members of a gang–the Morphs–who can shape-change to rap tunes. Together they work to bring “good to the hood.”)

 

 Donate Button

 

Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … October 29th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3109)

Dear Man Dear Woman

Man: I just saw this guy that was really pissed off.

 

Woman: What was the problem?

 

Man: Well, he held the door open for this lady and she waltzed through without smiling or saying thank you, so he called her the “b word.”

 

Woman: You mean “bitch?”

 

Man: I don’t like to say that word.

 

Woman: Unless you get angry enough, right?

 

Man: That’s not fair.

 

Woman: You know what’s not fair? When men or women do kindness to one another and attach onto it the notion that they are performing this graciousness because the other party is inferior.

 

Man: I don’t know what you mean.

 

Woman: It’s the difference between being considerate and condescending.

 

Man: Give me an example.

 

Woman: It’s like that guy you saw. He held the door open because he looks at women as weaker vessels who need to be treated carefully and given space.

 

Man: What’s wrong with that?

 

Woman: It’s coming from his head. It shows that he thinks females are not as capable as he is. The same thing’s true if he buys his girlfriend flowers. She may not like flowers. But she’s supposed to like flowers because it’s built into our system that men can manipulate women with flowers. Or guys who buy women drinks at a bar. They figure by putting ten or fifteen dollars into an investment, they can purchase her time and affection.

 

Man: I don’t get it. So what should a guy do to show that he’s honoring women?

 

Woman: Stop honoring us and start accepting us. For instance, it’s all right for a woman to hold a door for a man.

 

Man: Maybe. But it feels weird.

 

Woman: Why? Because women can’t open a door?

 

Man: No, that’s not what I’m saying. Tension exists between men and women, so any piece of courtesy should be revered as helpful.

 

Woman: Wow. That sounds weird. The truth of the matter is, it’s not considerate if you think you’re going to get something off of it by doing it. Then it becomes condescending. It’s like giving two dollars to a homeless person and then chatting with your friend about how you didn’t think he or she appreciated it enough. What are homeless people supposed to do? Jump up and down? Quote scriptures? Hug you around the neck? Speak in tongues?

 

Man: No, just be grateful.

 

Woman: So how grateful should they be for two dollars? What are you expecting? What do you need to happen when you hold the door open for a woman? Must she admire you and think you’re a knight in shining armor? Or is it just a door? There’s nothing wrong with being mannerly if it is your manner. But if you’re being mannerly to try to control other people it’s condescending. And that goes for women, too–women who think men are incapable of sharing their feelings, so they check out their emails to find out what they’re thinking. Equally as despicable.

 

Man: So what do you think we should do?

 

Woman: I would rather you be rude to me and have it be natural than have you think you’re my superior simply because you opened a door for me. That’s not considerate. It’s condescending.

 

Man: Give me another example.

 

Woman: Chick movies. I’ve heard you say that one. There’s no such thing as a chick movie. There are good movies and bad movies. For instance, girls went to see Star Wars and Silence of the Lambs. And boys like to watch date movies like Love Actually when they allow themselves to escape their silliness of fear.

 

Man: You have to admit, there are things that women like and things that men like.

 

Woman: I will not admit that. Just like I won’t say that all black people like watermelon, all Mexicans make tortillas and all Chinese people like to sit around and do math problems. It’s condescending under the guise of considerate.

 

Man: So what do you think men and women should do when interacting?

 

Woman: Practice being natural until it’s natural, and until then, keep practicing. Alternate who opens doors for each other. Let me buy you a drink. How about this time I carry the extra bag of groceries instead of you. It won’t kill me, believe me. And for the record, it would be all right if you came to me and said, “We need to talk.” I don’t have to be the initiator every time. We’re all so afraid of breaking our stereotypes that we’ve stopped dancing to the same tune.

 

Man: So let me get this straight. It’s considerate if it’s in the flow and I don’t feel superior to you or magnanimous by doing it.

 

Woman: Yes–and once we get into the flow, we’re going to stop worrying about manipulating one another, relax in our own skin and find out exactly how much we have in common.

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity


Jonathan’s Latest Book Release!

PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant

Click here to get your copy now!

PoHymn cover jon

 

Ask Jonathots … February 4th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2834)

ask jonathots bigger

I grew up in Buffalo, New York, and am considering going to Auburn for college because of a great scholarship offer in my field, which is art. I’m concerned about the cultural difference. I know you travel the country all the time–what are the differences between the different areas of the country–especially the North and the South–if any? Am I making a mistake?

One of the odd coincidences that occurs when you’re traveling on the road with people is that because you’re eating a similar diet, your bathroom habits become almost identical. (I know this is a strange way to begin my answer, but please bear with me as I try to make a point.)

If four people are consuming the same food, it’s reasonable to assume, with slight variations, that their daily routine will parallel.

So even though the media in this country, in pursuit of developing story lines, insists that various areas have differing views and approaches, the truth of the matter is, we’re all subject to the same diet of television, news and movies.

For instance, there wasn’t a Star Wars made for the South and another one for the North. There are not sitcoms viewed in Dixie and others favored in Brooklyn.

When you travel into the South, you will find minor cultural preferences, but overall, the people are citizens of the United States, and therefore, indulge in the same philosophies, laws and approaches of everyone else.

So I think it’s safe to say that if you’ve been blessed with a scholarship to Auburn, you should not only go, but travel there with the confidence that you’re going to run across outstanding American citizens who may have some attributes that are slightly unique, but possess a full awareness of what’s going on in the world around them.

Church attendance differs from one area of our nation to another, and to a certain degree, appreciation for lifestyles and culinary dishes may vary slightly.

But overall America is exactly what it advertises–a great melting pot.

The prejudice, bigotry and ill-founded conclusions which are drawn are put together by those who need to make a deadline for the news and stir up tales that create conflict so people will tune in.

Donate Button

The producers of Jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

 

Cracked 5 … January 5th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2798)

cracked 5 logo keeper with border

Reasons that Han Solo and Princess Leia Are Split Up

A. She joined the Resistance (if you know what I mean).

 

B. His lightsaber became reluctant.

 

C. She kinda looks like Obi-wan.

 

D. She caught him with Chewbacca in the Millenium Falcon jacuzzi.

 

E. Their son ended up being Satan.


Carrie Fisher The Force Awakens

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

 

G-Pop’s Coming … November 24, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

(2077)

G-PopThree hundred and thirty-three days ago, I checked out of a Red Carpet Inn in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, climbed into my big, black conversion van and set out on my fourteenth crossing of the United States to share my life and heart.

I had just finished a three-week stay with family and friends for Christmas and had completed recording my latest album. The process of being with these lovely folks was exhilarating, enlightening and challenging.

Exhilarating because it’s always a welcome reminder to my soul that I was miraculously a patron and contributor to the formation of what has turned out to be a glorious gathering of geniuses and goofballs.

Enlightening because they continue to surprise me with both their achievements and progress in maturity, which varies in speed from the Millennium Falcon from Star Wars to the common inchworm.

And challenging. Even though I made a promise to all my friends, children and all the folks they have introduced into our conclave, granting them autonomy and individuality, I am a human being and occasionally I will see them take on attitudes or ideas which I find obtuse.

But when you blend exhilarating, enlightening and challenging all together, you get more “yea” than “nay.”

And I have to admit, as I drove across I-75–Alligator Alley–to begin “Tour 2013,” I was a bit wistful and maybe a little melancholy about leaving, to ship off to projects and people quite unknown.

I know my family loves me. I know my friends feel the same. But it isn’t quite like it was when they relied on me for their sustenance and needed my approval to gain permission to use the car keys on Saturday night.

Honestly, it’s much better the way it is now than when our relationship could quickly be tainted by a dust-up or a festering fussiness.

But as I prepare to join my kin in the Nashville, Tennessee, area for Thanksgiving, I know they will want to ask the normal questions:

  • How are you feeling, G-Pop?
  • Do your knees still hurt?
  • How much do you have to use the wheelchair?
  • Tell us a story about your trip this year.
  • Are you going to go out again?
  • Do you ever get tired of it?
  • Do you miss us?
  • Did you lose any weight?
  • Are you getting exercise?

You see, some of the questions are natural and others are based on the fact that as they become more adult, they also view me as getting older and decrepit. So sometimes it’s difficult for me to understand why they anticipate my taking a sharp left turn into “geriatric,” when they know I’m still writing, sharing, singing and performing all across this great country.

But after all, they’re just people. They really need me to be a grandpa–and I’m more suited to be the aging Grand Poobah of a gypsy band.

What will I tell them?  What will I say when they ask me, “G-Pop, what have you learned?”

Well, you see, I learned …

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

Click for details on the SpirTed 2014 presentation

Click for details on the SpirTed 2014 presentation

Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about scheduling SpiriTed in 2014.

click to hear music from Spirited 2014

click to hear music from Spirited 2014

%d bloggers like this: