Sit Down Comedy … November 23rd, 2018

Jonathots Daily Blog

(3865)

Common comments from politicians who just happen to also be turkeys

 

1. “We must stop the useless slaughter that happens every fourth Thursday of November, killing millions of our brothers and sisters” (The Alarmist)

 

2. “The problem is the hatchet. Not everybody should be allowed to have a hatchet. If we were able to curtail the sale of hatchets, thousands of turkeys could be saved.” (Weapon Control)

 

3. “Farmer Joe’s crazy. Not every farmer in this area is crazy. We have farmers over there growing corn. It’s Farmer Joe who’s crazy. We need to isolate Farmer Joe, treat him, and if not, imprison him to protect our turkey family from a mentally deranged person such as himself.” (Promoting the Mental Health Industry)

 

4. “I know this isn’t politically correct, but I think if you check the statistics, this problem has increased as the number of brown turkeys have crossed the border of our farm and joined us. Perhaps there’s nothing wrong with them but we have noticed that many of them are raping the hens and they need to go through the correct channels if they want to be part of the ‘turkey in the straw.'” (Hidden Bigotry)

 

5. “I think it’s due to the fact that the climate is changing here on the farm, especially among the gobbles and gizzards. The weather is fowl. Anybody else notice it? It seems hotter in November and it’s more difficult to be able to distinguish the kernels of corn from the rocks in the ground because the soil is so dry. I think it makes the poultry crazy.” (Climate Change)

 

6. “It’s the liberals. They’re the ones who stopped liking red meat, and God knows, we are exceptional white meat. So of course, they want to come here and deplete our ranks. They hate us for our freedom.” (Conservative Commentators)

 

7. “I know they mean well, but the conservatives have brought down this violence upon all of us because they’re always pecking at the people who feed them, chasing away other birds, and they are just so hostile that eventually they bring about the terrorism that kills and destroys the flightless.” (Liberals Blaming Others for Violence)

As you can see, all the creatures on Earth could blame every other creature on Earth if they wanted to.

Here’s the truth: Thanksgiving is here to stay.

People will not stop eating turkey–although it might be intelligent, if you are one, to advertise ducks, and then enjoy the other 364 days of the year.

 

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G-Poppers … August 18th, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3396)

Jon close up

G-Pop’s five-year-old son came strolling over carrying a dirty, beat-up baby blanket with frayed edges, which had been the source of great comfort and solace to the little chap for years.

He handed it to G-Pop and said, “Fix it.”

The blanket did need some help.

The ends were torn and worn from being drug on the ground and any memory of the original color had faded beneath a cloud of general “dirty.”

G-Pop’s son even brought along the family sewing kit to aid in the repair. G-Pop peered at the blanket and then down into the hopeful eyes of his child.

“I don’t need the sewing kit. It won’t help. What I need is a pair of scissors.”

The five-year-old squinted. “Why?”

Why indeed?

G-Pop realized that the ony way to fix the blanket was to carefully take the scissors and meticulously trim off the ripped regions on the perimeter. They could not be fixed. They would never be woven into the one piece of cloth. They were gone.

They were needfully gone. A new border needed to be negotiated. Otherwise, the blanket was worthless.

G-Pop was thinking about that today as he was mulling over the situation in our country.

We are a tattered patchwork, and our ends are frayed. Attempts to sew things together or make them right are useless because the substance to stitch is just not there.

Here’s the truth: No matter how honorable foolish people are in pursuing their goals, the end result is still foolishness.

No matter how many flags are waved for the glory of a cause, if that idea is unrighteous, unfair and bigoted, it needs to cease to exist. It is frayed; it is torn. And it will continue to tear into the other fabric if we allow it to blow in the wind.

It is time for America to bring its security blanket to the forefront, and for us–as “we, the people”–to take scissors and cut away the nonsense.

After all, some things are wrong because God and Mother Nature got together and decided they were wrong. Yes, Science and the Divine often have meetings, and generate or terminate parts of the Earth.

So grab your scissors, starting with your own life, setting an example for those around you, and:

1. Trim back opinions.

Opinions are stop-offs on our way to the truth. To spend too much time touting them is to delay the arrival of common sense.

2. Clip the need to debate.

If the goal of a debate is to find out what is really workable, then perhaps it has merit. If it is to change the minds of those around us by using words, statistics and intimidation, it is fruitless. The time we spend debating could be put to better use by creating.

3. Snip the separations.

If America is a melting pot, let it melt. And while you’re at it, jump in the pan. A stew should be so well-cooked that people have to ask you what kind of concoction it is instead of looking inside and noting a predominance of chicken.

Thus, America. We shouldn’t be identified as white, black, Hispanic, cultural, ethnic, Anglo-Saxon, Asian, male or female.

The blend should be complete.

If you are saying anything before “American” it is contentious, be it African, Asian, Mexican, white or female. Just “American” will do fine.

The tapestry of our country is frayed. The extreme ends cannot be repaired. We must trim them away, allowing a new edge to our common understanding.

 

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G-Poppers … April 22nd, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Jon close up

G-Pop wishes for his children to listen carefully.

Yes, during this season of great confusion, it is important to be careful how we hear.

With rivers of information flowing through the countryside with greater speed than ever before, there are also mounds of misunderstanding pouring out raw sewage of stupidity, tainting the flow.

Beware the liberal.

Also beware the conservative.

The thing to remember is that truth has no agenda–just a message to make us free; free of the obstruction of needing to stand behind an opinion.

You can always identify the words that are rotten with antagonism.

They blame.

Each political party, every religion, countless races–all point a finger at one another to create blame.

Is there blame? Perhaps. But such accusations need to take a journey through scrutiny.

It begins with the facts. It’s difficult to get them. Websites, news reports and pundits tend to obscure them behind statistics and endorsements.

Listen to all sides, and then find that sweet spot in the middle, where truth has cuddled up, waiting for the persevering soul to discover it.

Find the facts. Don’t be so sure.

Once you find the facts, then it’s important to decide who or what is responsible. Finding the responsible parties is not a decision to target blame, but rather, discovering who has the power to bring solution.

Who is responsible?

Could it be that we are responsible?

What part of the responsibility can we take onto ourselves, to make sure that something will be addressed?

Then, once responsibility is addressed, any blame that needs to be brought forth in order to clean up the nastiness can be pointed out without fear.

  • Facts.
  • Responsibility.
  • Blame.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work if you go the other direction–blaming someone and making them responsible to fit your allegation.

G-Pop must warn his children that if they pursue the facts to ascertain responsibility, to correctly place blame, that they will find themselves being neither conservative nor liberal–just real.

It is a season when goodness will be determined by those who are not so intent on advertising the badness in their adversaries.

To do this requires a set of ears tuned to history and the love of humankind … instead of listening for reasons to confirm our suspicions and alienate one another.

 

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Three Ways to Find an Answer … June 4th, 2015

Jonathots Daily Blog

(2602)

cluttered graph

To question is to care.

Undoubtedly.

But if you establish a heart that is inquisitive, you also must be prepared for answers to begin to come your way.

Unfortunately, there’s a climate in our society that views doubt and cynicism as a sign of intelligence, and produces questions, assuming that there are no answers or all answers have been provided.

Are you really looking for answers, or do you just want to continue to form what you view as intelligent questions?

I’m not so certain we can continue to prosper as a society if we believe that maturity equals pessimism. So how can you find answers?

1. Don’t listen to statistics.

I know that will be hard. News organizations are based on them.

But don’t ever forget what the purpose is for offering statistics: it is a way of telling you that you don’t need to seek further for information, because “here is the data, and it’s already pre-determined.”

I don’t care what percentage of the American people are for or against anything. I want to know the history of the situation, the humanity involved and the hope for betterment. Once I understand the history, the humanity and the hope, I can let you know my heart.

Don’t listen to statistics. They are trumped-up numbers passed along as facts by people who have an agenda.

2. Hang with people who believe.

I’m not just talking about religion. I’m talking about folks who still believe in other human beings, who believe in possibilities, who still want to multiply their talents, and who still think that every new sunrise provides an additional opportunity.

3. Look for daily progress.

Yes, as soon as you can, get off of the five-year goal plan, the one-year lease, the monthly budget and the weekly planning session.

Life happens in 24-hour periods, and if you don’t believe that’s true, understand that somewhere within that 24 hours, we actually lay down and pretend we’re dead.

So is life a 75-year journey? Or is it basically pursued about 75 seconds at a time?

If you look for daily progress, you will begin to notice the movement of the caterpillar instead of only being impressed with the soaring of the eagle.

It will make you a more powerful person.

So in a world filled with questions:

  • Stand out from the crowd by looking for answers.
  • Ignore the statistics provided
  • Get yourself around people who believe in something
  • And put yourself on a daily regimen of interaction with the world around you.

 

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G-Poppers…May 8th, 2015

 

  Jonathots Daily Blog

(2575)

G-Popper

 

For a very brief season, G-Pop taught a college class.

On opening day, he asked his students to take a quiz. Needless to say, the room was filled with quizzical expressions.

He presented them with 10 questions. He told them that in determining their answers they could take into consideration wealth, poverty, male, female, gay, straight, black, brown, Native American, statistics, history, Japanese, Chinese, Mexican, Hispanic and white.

This was the test:

Who is more likely…

  1. …to steal something from you?
  2. …to commit violent murder?
  3. …to molest a small child?
  4. …to open a casino in Nebraska?
  5. …to take their children to Disney World?
  6. …to graduate with honors in mathematics from MIT?
  7. …to be in the military?
  8. …to be a billionaire?
  9. …to be a genius?
  10. …to believe in God?

Even though there were a few mumbles and grumbles from the student body, all completed the test and turned it in to G-Pop.

The next day when they arrived, he passed the tests back to them unmarked.

Then he said, “All of you completed the test. All of you, in some way, shape or form, decided to take into consideration the factors I mentioned in determining your answers. I’m going to allow you to grade your own papers and give yourself a score. I will tell my answers and you can evaluate how well you did.

Let’s start with #1.

Who is more likely to steal something? The answer is a thief.

Commit a violent murder? A murderer.

How about molest a small child? A pedophile.

Who will be opening that casino in Nebraska? A venture capitalist.

And of course, the person who would take their children to Disney World is a good parent.

Who’s the math whiz? An excellent student.

Who would join the military? A patriot.

A billionaire? A budding successful entrepreneur.

How about a genius? I would say a hard worker.

Is there some type of individual who’s more likely to believe in God? Yes. A person of faith.

G-Pop paused. All the students had their eyes glued to their papers, reviewing their answers. A point had been made.

For after all, social justice does not begin when we recognize blatant bigotry in the world.

It starts when we acknowledge the prejudice in our own hearts.

 

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Sniff and Whiff … December 2, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

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scratch and sniff“That stinks.”

Two words normally thrust together when we are in a mood to express our displeasure over some event or individual.

Matter of fact, often we talk about the “smell of success,” so it’s safe to assume that failure has its own distinctive odor. If you think about it, being a human being, you can certainly sniff the whiff of doom, compromise and defeat on another person.

So how do we keep that unpleasant aroma from permeating every pore of our being? There are many schools of thought. The normal diagnosis for such weakness is to express confidence in ourselves and let that exude from our beings as evidence of our pending victory.

But over the years I have learned that confidence leaks and flat-out dumps its load of joy whenever confronted with unexpected difficulty. So some of the more boisterous and bold individuals I have known turned into real chickens–cluckers–in the heat of the frying pan.

Equally as useless is false humility, where we pretend to be modest while secretly storing up a ton of self-assurance to allegedly release at just the right moment when surrounded by trial and tribulation. It’s just another disguise.

There is a path that does remove the stench of inadequacy while also realistically assessing our abilities without either diminishing our capacity or over-reporting our statistics.

“I can’t, yet I do, so I will.”

These are the three ingredients that make us appealing to fellow-travelers, while also keeping balance in our own lives.

1. “I can’t.”

Some folks consider this to be negative, but actually, it’s humility. The gift of knowing your true talents while also being aware of your weaknesses through trial and error is the greatest gift you can give to a comrade–and an endearing one, at that.

Candidly, a truthful person always has the potential of doing more. A liar is stuck with his or her promises.

2. “Yet I do.”

“Even though I have discovered areas of lack, I have taken the time to acquire expertise and am consistently bearing fruit.”

Merely saying “you can’t” without producing something you can do is to be a loser. But knowing what you can’t do while pointing to obvious successes that you’re presently pursuing is balanced human thinking.

3. “So I will.”

I will what? “I will continue to do what I do well, while expressing my energy to humbly try something new.”

This is the trio of emotions that make us appealing to one another–because we say right out loud, “I have a weakness, I have a passion and I have a willingness.”

There is nobody who can counteract, contradict or criticize such candor.

So as you go about your business, especially during this holiday season, don’t be afraid to report your can’t quotient as you give a tally on what you are doing, and also express a desire to pursue more.

This is the sniff of a whiff that lets other human beings know they can draw close … instead of pulling away, repulsed.

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Freedom Part 1: GRASSHOLES… July 1, 2013

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FastSkewed.

All statistics can be twisted and turned to meet the specifications of anyone who wants to present a particular case for his or her cause. This is undeniable.

Case in point: on the day before last year’s Presidential election, there was one polling organization which was absolutely guaranteeing that the contender for the election was going to win.

If you spend enough time collecting information favorable for your conclusion, your conclusion will confirm the information.

So when it comes to the issues surrounding marijuana, it is absolutely useless to listen to the pundits submit their statistics. What I choose to reflect upon is the evidence. And I’m not talking about the evidence put out by the organizations which are against the product. I’m talking about the evidence promoted, advertised and shared by those who seemingly would love to see weed legalized.

There is no movie made which shows people smoking grass and portrays them as having generosity, intelligence, faithfulness, productivity, basic human interaction–or even know how to get to White Castle. As in the flick, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, marijuana smoking is portrayed as a practice which makes one “high” by making one dull and low.

This is not MY contention–this is the image given by those who are partakers of the herb–the GRASSHOLES.

Now let’s look at what we know:

  • Marijuana is used as a medicine to dull pain, discomfort and nausea during chemotherapy treatment.
  • Second-hand smoke from marijuana can intoxicate someone else–so therefore it can never be smoked in public (even though we don’t allow people to smoke at all in public anymore because of the effects of second-hand smoke.)
  • It is questionable that with the many deaths brought about on the highways due to alcohol, whether marijuana could be used by people operating vehicles without putting others in danger. By the time we could accumulate such data, multitudes of people could be killed.
  • What is the effect of marijuana smoke on the lungs and respiratory system? Still being studied.

So if the main use of this product by the GRASSHOLES is going to be done privately in their own homes, what’s the point of legalizing it? Are we merely trying to get revenue from yet another intoxicant to fill our coffers, even as we siphon off that profit to pay for rehab?

Are we positive enough about the lasting effects of the hemp plant to release it for common consumption to the public without fear of harm?

Is it really a positive argument–to insist that marijuana is “no worse than alcohol,” when we know that alcohol destroys tens of thousands of lives every single year?

And do we really want another reason for our teenagers to become more distant? Have you had a recent conversation with humans in their teens? Would you really want that to be any less interactive?

Just because we can rally does not mean it’s a legitimate party. And just because people may want the freedom to do something of their own choice does not mean it provides for the common good.

Yes, the Preamble of the Constitution says that our nation was constructed to provide for the common good.

Marijuana may be excellent as a relief for those suffering from cancer and terminal illness. But to indiscriminately give it to the public under the guise of freedom–or even finance–is to negate the evidence presented by users, who in their more candid moments, admit that it dulls the senses and causes people to “check out” from human discovery.

Be careful. Freedom is a wonderful thing–unless it robs us of more valuable freedoms.

And our most precious freedom is the ability to interact with one another with a clear mind, clear conscience, clear soul … and full awareness.

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