Jonathots Daily Blog
(3970)
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Jonathots Daily Blog
(3109)
Man: I just saw this guy that was really pissed off.
Woman: What was the problem?
Man: Well, he held the door open for this lady and she waltzed through without smiling or saying thank you, so he called her the “b word.”
Woman: You mean “bitch?”
Man: I don’t like to say that word.
Woman: Unless you get angry enough, right?
Man: That’s not fair.
Woman: You know what’s not fair? When men or women do kindness to one another and attach onto it the notion that they are performing this graciousness because the other party is inferior.
Man: I don’t know what you mean.
Woman: It’s the difference between being considerate and condescending.
Man: Give me an example.
Woman: It’s like that guy you saw. He held the door open because he looks at women as weaker vessels who need to be treated carefully and given space.
Man: What’s wrong with that?
Woman: It’s coming from his head. It shows that he thinks females are not as capable as he is. The same thing’s true if he buys his girlfriend flowers. She may not like flowers. But she’s supposed to like flowers because it’s built into our system that men can manipulate women with flowers. Or guys who buy women drinks at a bar. They figure by putting ten or fifteen dollars into an investment, they can purchase her time and affection.
Man: I don’t get it. So what should a guy do to show that he’s honoring women?
Woman: Stop honoring us and start accepting us. For instance, it’s all right for a woman to hold a door for a man.
Man: Maybe. But it feels weird.
Woman: Why? Because women can’t open a door?
Man: No, that’s not what I’m saying. Tension exists between men and women, so any piece of courtesy should be revered as helpful.
Woman: Wow. That sounds weird. The truth of the matter is, it’s not considerate if you think you’re going to get something off of it by doing it. Then it becomes condescending. It’s like giving two dollars to a homeless person and then chatting with your friend about how you didn’t think he or she appreciated it enough. What are homeless people supposed to do? Jump up and down? Quote scriptures? Hug you around the neck? Speak in tongues?
Man: No, just be grateful.
Woman: So how grateful should they be for two dollars? What are you expecting? What do you need to happen when you hold the door open for a woman? Must she admire you and think you’re a knight in shining armor? Or is it just a door? There’s nothing wrong with being mannerly if it is your manner. But if you’re being mannerly to try to control other people it’s condescending. And that goes for women, too–women who think men are incapable of sharing their feelings, so they check out their emails to find out what they’re thinking. Equally as despicable.
Man: So what do you think we should do?
Woman: I would rather you be rude to me and have it be natural than have you think you’re my superior simply because you opened a door for me. That’s not considerate. It’s condescending.
Man: Give me another example.
Woman: Chick movies. I’ve heard you say that one. There’s no such thing as a chick movie. There are good movies and bad movies. For instance, girls went to see Star Wars and Silence of the Lambs. And boys like to watch date movies like Love Actually when they allow themselves to escape their silliness of fear.
Man: You have to admit, there are things that women like and things that men like.
Woman: I will not admit that. Just like I won’t say that all black people like watermelon, all Mexicans make tortillas and all Chinese people like to sit around and do math problems. It’s condescending under the guise of considerate.
Man: So what do you think men and women should do when interacting?
Woman: Practice being natural until it’s natural, and until then, keep practicing. Alternate who opens doors for each other. Let me buy you a drink. How about this time I carry the extra bag of groceries instead of you. It won’t kill me, believe me. And for the record, it would be all right if you came to me and said, “We need to talk.” I don’t have to be the initiator every time. We’re all so afraid of breaking our stereotypes that we’ve stopped dancing to the same tune.
Man: So let me get this straight. It’s considerate if it’s in the flow and I don’t feel superior to you or magnanimous by doing it.
Woman: Yes–and once we get into the flow, we’re going to stop worrying about manipulating one another, relax in our own skin and find out exactly how much we have in common.
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Jonathots Daily Blog
(2885)
Dear Man: Cooperate.
Dear Woman: Is that an order?
Dear Man: No, I was just thinking about the word. Co, meaning the two of us, and operate … well, I guess that implies working together.
Dear Woman: The two of us working together. That’s cool.
Dear Man: Well, the trouble is, it’s not cool. We are taught to be independent. Self-sufficient. We’re working on our own biographies instead of a human story. Somehow we feel diminished if all the praise doesn’t come our way but instead is given to a cooperative effort.
Dear Woman: I see what you mean. Yet that’s always been my problem with collaboration. Rather than everybody standing back and rejoicing over the end result, each person has a tendency to point out his or her part in the process.
Dear Man: We can’t help it. Society tells us if we don’t toot our own horn it won’t get tooted.
Dear Woman: It is possible for somebody to blow your horn. After all, it is a horn.
Dear Man: That’s funny. And oh, so true. I guess we need to remember that we were created to be in a garden. It’s a co-op. No person is sufficient unto themselves without a common humanity and a common good.
Dear Woman: I have to be honest. I’m resistant to that concept. I mean, I understand it but it’s like I feel I need to have autonomy. Otherwise I don’t have my own thing.
Dear Man: I’m the same way. I would like to include you, but I really don’t want you to feel like you’re necessary.
Dear Woman: But it’s all over nature. If you don’t mind me bringing it up, even sexuality is kind of comical. The male and female parts are not competely compatible with each other unless the man and the woman talk, discuss and share.
Dear Man: So true. Yet at the same time, we feel like we should be complete within ourselves. It’s important to acknowledge what we have, otherwise we don’t know what we require.
Dear Woman: And it’s not stereotypes. Not all men are strong and all women emotional.
Dear Man: Absolutely not! Sometimes the female is the strong one and the man brings the emotion. It’s knowing how to co-op. In farming, one person plants, another waters and God and Nature give the increase.
Dear Woman: So why are we so damn afraid of this?
Dear Man: We’re taught to look at each other sexually, not practically.
Dear Woman: I can see that. Sometimes I’m just nervous talking to a woman because I’m afraid…I don’t know…that she doesn’t find me attractive.
Dear Man: What can be more attractive than an intelligent exchange? Or the realization that somebody has brought some information to you that completes one of your goals?
Dear Woman: So what can we do to initiate this co-op?
Dear Man: I think what stumps people is that in order to become strong, you have to know where you’re weak. And to use your weakness is to learn to recognize what you need before it’s pointed out to you.
Dear Woman: I think I could actually do that, especially if I had a friend to remind me when I was stumping around advertising my ego instead of being honest about my limitations.
Dear Man: Men and women were meant to cooperate–joining together to operate a plan that is only enhanced by their dual efforts.
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Jonathots Daily Blog
(2870)
The advantage of getting older is that you have been out-smarted so many times that you just might have stumbled upon some “in-smarts.”
At least, that’s what G-Pop thinks.
In a day and age when ragged ideas are being touted as well-sewn pieces of truth, it is important to remember how ignorance is born.
Ignorance is not the absence of knowledge, it is the carefully planned de-bunking of truth.
Ignorance begins with a critical nature.
Although G-Pop would love for his children to be able to discern what is real from false, he also would warn them not to develop a critical heart in performing this mission.
Critical people have one phrase which falls off their lips too easily: “I don’t like it.”
And the more they say it, the more they become accustomed to the intoxicating sensation of power they feel when they reject ideas that come their way.
The beginning of all ignorance is to be critical.
For after all, from “I don’t like it,” it is a simple few steps to, “I don’t like you.”
Once we express our disdain over the flavor of eggplant, it is just too easy to start looking at other human beings as if they were eggplant.
This is the first fruits of prejudice.
All prejudice comes via the misuse of a critical nature. If you’re not looking for reasons to dislike people, you have a much better chance of learning to live with them. But if you’ve convinced yourself that you should be allowed to have preferences, you will soon turn those inclinations into prejudices.
And G-Pop will tell his children that once we don’t like someone, it becomes easier and easier to generalize into, “I don’t like them.”
Bigotry—turning one face into condemning a race.
To see change in our country, we must stop believing that “critical” has anything to do with intelligence. We should be looking for reasons to praise instead of criticize–because once critical, it’s easy to become prejudiced.
And once prejudiced, it is a “trip and fall” to bigotry.
There are stereotypes in life. If you spend time with any culture, you will find that many of the claims made about the group do have some foundation.
Those who are born of spirit and wisdom ignore the stereotypes. Once we start pointing out the stereotypes, it is a brief season until we begin promoting them and making up new stereotypes, producing hate.
G-Pop would love to see his children learn the dangers leading to the path of ignorance.
Stop being so quick to criticize: it is the gateway drug to bigotry.
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Jonathots Daily Blog
(2828)
G-Pop had a rare moment.
He asked his grandson, “What do you think about your classmates at school?”
“Most of them don’t like me,” said the young man, dipping his head in disappointment.
“How many kids are there?” asked G-Pop.
“About twenty-five,” said the grandson.
G-Pop continued. “So is it thirteen? Sixteen? Or all twenty-five who don’t like you?”
The young boy squinted at G-Pop. “I don’t know how many,” he replied, a little aggravated.
“So how do you know it’s most?” G-Pop posed.
In a country that runs its programs by polls, the word “most” becomes overly important and eliminates the discovery of truth.
Most of the most.
The word “most” is used as a safe way of being prejudiced, while falling back on data which is often tampered with by bigots who want to prove their point.
“Most” is probably the most dangerous word that has come into our society, even though calling it the most dangerous might be part of the problem.
Here is a fact:
Human beings don’t do anything predictable. They are basically content to leave well enough alone, even if they find that status to be unsatisfying.
Yes, stagnancy is always preferable to both goodness and evil.
So the reason we introduce the word “most” into our dialogue is to convince the crowd around us that we are part of the plurality, not tied into a minority, which is obviously wrong as seen by their weak numbers.
G-Pop points out that this presidential election is more concerned with polls than ever before. And the polls never agree because the polls never ask the right question of the right people at the right time.
If we are going to be people of vision, faith and creativity, we have to eliminate the word “most” from our daily conversation, or we will terminate the flexibility of races, religions and personal effort.
Most gay people aren’t anything.
Most Christians are not locked up in a box.
And most Muslims don’t blow up buildings, as most Mexicans don’t rape.
But if you can convince people that “most” of the subject at hand is a threat, then you can also mob them together to attack all.
G-Pop waited for his grandson to produce the number of kids in his class who did not like the little fella. He could never come up with an actual count, because it was just easier to assume that most of them were against him.
The only way to live as a human being and be successful is to admit to yourself that the next encounter and the next experience is mercurial–because it’s controlled by human beings, who are “mostly” individuals.
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A voice writing in the wilderness
Jonathots Daily Blog 