Cracked 5… November 17th, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Reasons the Internet Gang Are Convinced That Obama Caused the Paris Terrorist Attacks

 

A. Turns out that one of the killers was a fake Syrian refugee. Obama wants to bring 10,000 more here to kill off good Christian Republicans before the election in 2016.

 

B. Obama once uttered “Paris” and “attack” in the same speech, thus signaling the event.

 

C. Every Parisian with a beret did not have a grenade launcher to fight back. Obama gun control. After all, croissants don’t stop bullets.

 

D. Obama is in charge of all things foreign. For years he has wanted to change “Uncle Sam” to Uncle Siam.”

 

E. He, too, is brownish.

 

Uncle Sam

 

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G-Poppers… October 9th, 2015

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The mystery of history.

G-Pop wanted to tell all of his children about the theme of the human journey which never changes, even though we may feel overwhelmed by present circumstances.

History has a song.

It has been sung since the beginning of time and will continue to be performed until people are no more. If you understand this, then you will not be so prone to join the detractors and the fearful souls who select a dreary path of doom and gloom.

Kingdoms will rise, idiots will rule but life has a way of dispelling the stupid.

Sometimes it takes a year.

Occasionally it may take a generation.

But eventually, all bad ideas are toted away to the garbage dump, where they rot with their ridiculous predecessors.

So to understand the mystery of history, you must recognize what causes ideas to be faulty, falling by the wayside. If you don’t, you will listen to the newscast and be convinced that the present dictator, the threatening illness or the terrorist with a bomb will soon be at your doorstep to take away your life.

There are four warning signs for those who are ignorant of history and think they will be able to contradict it by being assholes:

1. Arrogance.

When you see it, run. Any group of people who believes they are better than other people will eventually be proven to be inferior. They may stomp; they may shout. They may fire cannons into the air. But arrogance is always punished, because the accompanying ignorance prohibits it from learning a better way.

2. Stealing freedom.

Yes, any individual or government that believes it can limit the freewill choice of human beings in order to promote righteousness or some other purpose ends up being overthrown because of its overgrown sense of importance.

3. Controlling.

There is no such thing as you having the keys to my life. You may think you do, but eventually the need to control overwhelms the dictator with too much responsibility, and he or she falls in disgrace.

If God is not going to control our lives, what makes you think that He would allow anyone else to do it?

There is no doubt about the fate of those who manipulate others. The only question is, how quickly will it happen?

4. Apathy.

The pseudo-intellectuals who believe they establish their intelligence by pooh-poohing simple ideas as being childish and meaningless, as they sit by and do nothing are eventually knocked off their pedestals by the blowing of a new spiritual wind.

You don’t get anywhere in life by being cynical. If you’re against the possibility of humans improving and growing just because you want to appear worldly and jaded, then you will be replaced by those who possess childlike faith.

  • Napoleon was gone in 18 years.
  • Hitler lasted 13.
  • The Soviet Union survived about 70 years, and that’s only because World War II gave us a worse demon to chase.
  • Al Qaeda can become ISIS, or destroy under the name of the Taliban, but all monsters end up chewing off their own legs and bleeding out.
  • And China, in its present state, is struggling with oppression and the effects of attempting to squeeze people.

Do I need to mention all the people in history who believed in their misguided causes, and for a season, strutted across the stage, only to end up discarded after intermission?

The mystery of history is this:

Arrogant, freedom-stealing, controlling and apathetic people seem powerful … until the Spirit of Hope blows them away.

 

 

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Populie: We Support the Troops… September 17, 2014

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The greatest courtesy I can offer to any of my readers is to attempt to provide a non-prejudiced format of information which is vacant of opinion. (Of course, this is basically impossible to do since I am a mortal, and love to hear the sound of my own voice.) But let me attempt to be more faithful with today’s populie.

In the first one hundred years of our existence as a nation–1776 to 1876–our young, fledgling experiment was involved in nineteen years of war. In other words, 19% of the time we were sending young men off to die in some sort of escapade “for freedom.”

In the next one hundred years–from 1876 to 1976–we were involved in seventeen years of war. 17%. A drop.

From 1976 to 2001, a span of twenty-five years, we took three of those to be involved in war, placing us in a descending 12%.

But from 2001 to present–thirteen years–we have been involved in eleven years of war. An astounding 86% spike.

This increase in blood, guts, aggression and interference has caused us to develop several national policies, quietly, to sustain this burdensome effort. Among them is the popular notion that the military is honorable and should be given special consideration, and the hypocritical populie of “we support the troops.”

Entertainment loves it because even though they tout themselves to be liberals who want to preserve the turtle doves in some park, they have never met a movie that does not require a gun.

Religion favors this populie because it gives us something to pray for, allowing us to feel we’re transforming the world one bullet at a time.

And of course, politicians not only rattle their sabers, but occasionally brandish them to warn infidels and heathen of the power of our nation, while stirring the blood of the voters in their favor.

Do you really want to support the troops? Then get real instead of putting on a phony patriotism and a theatrical appreciation for our men and women who serve. Here’s how you can support the troops:

1. Stop starting wars that have nothing to do with us.

If we really believe we’re a Christian nation, we should only attack if we’re attacked. Period. I will guarantee you that soldiers would be satisfied to be “at readiness” instead of in peril.

2. If you find yourself in the position of starting a war which is considered to be necessary, then institute the draft.

Don’t go to your volunteer army or your reserves and ask them to take on innumerable tours of duty because you don’t want to bother the elite young people of our country. I will tell you, if George W. Bush had instituted the draft in 2003, the Iraq War would not have lasted more than four years, and if it had, there would have been protesters in the street, just as there were in 1970 regarding Vietnam.

3. Take care of the obvious needs of our veterans, granting them the dignity of acclimating back into society without being impoverished second-class citizens.

Don’t tell me you support the troops and then fail to notice that we are not taking care of their medical needs or helping them get off the street–homeless ex-soldiers.

I do not like a charade. Since we have come across the same situation we had in the Civil War, in which our weaponry has outgrown our medical ability to take care of the human body, we might want to slow up the carnage so we don’t have so many combatants trying to move around without limbs and hampered by severe brain injuries.

The United States has decided it’s the Roman Empire, and just as the Romans did, we are beginning to over-extend ourselves under the guise of being the “muscle men of the world”–to eventually be taken down by our version of Vandals from Germany, whom I am sure the Romans also considered to be terrorists.

I support the troops with all my heart–so much so that I work for peace, I challenge avarice and I question my government when it tries to excite the populace by waving the flag over the next conflict.

 

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Sameness… December 24, 2012

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It was a time when the world was engrossed in a raging debate over taxes. The most recent Caesar was deliberating on how to maintain the integrity of his empire, keeping it from falling off the current “fiscal cliff.”

Poverty was everywhere. It was gnawing at the flesh and the innards of ever-increasing numbers of common people, who were only able to muster complaints over the sheer magnitude of lack.

Kings were concerned about maintaining their power, ignoring the needs of mothers and children in order to maintain the supremacy of their positions.

Zealots roamed the terrain, performing terrorist acts against perceived injustice–all in the name of their favorite gods.

Religion, having stalled in its own inadequacy decades before, was trying to discover new life through regulations, restitution of historical moments and rigid application from the pages of dusty scrolls.

The cultures were segregated. Some say it was done so that the traditions of each group of people and their customs could be honored, but more often than not, the separation just created misunderstandings and blockades to communication, sprouting feelings of superiority.

Nations were rising against nations and kingdoms against kingdoms.

It is into this environment that God inserted Himself in human flesh as a baby–birthed in obscurity.

As I sat over a meal last night with the lovely members of my family, I looked around and realized that they were an intelligent lot, filled with creative energy, but still sheep heading to the slaughter of the sameness of “olden times.”

For today, we suffer from the same conditions that greeted the Messiah. We are trapped in the inflexibility of men’s wills and purposes. We extol our differences and tout our uniqueness, never having a chance to absorb deeper fellowship through commonality. We have trapped ourselves in religious and political upheavals that threaten our future, overemphasize our past and leave our present stalled–void of purpose.

I suppose I could tell you that some things have changed. We have computers, which quickly inform us of our disjointed status. We have penicillin to heal diseases (until those same infections discover ways to outsmart our drugs). We dress differently, if not better. We drive cars instead of camels and we eat with knives and forks instead of our fingers.

But the main demons that possessed our society all those years ago remain intact, having survived all of our attempts at deliverance.

I have decided not to join the melee. I resist all attempts by the masses to deem me odd,  not slithering into the present pit of lava. I have decided to shepherd the sheep that are sent my way, simultaneously listening for the angels of my better nature. I am trying to gain wisdom as I look to the skies. And I travel the earth as a student of discovery instead of a know-it-all.

I am not interested in taxes and I’m quite intent on avoiding kings. I may appear to the common man to be insensitive as I move in and out of cultures, seeking similarities instead of accentuating differences. And most of all, I find my source of worship and meaning in barns and mangers instead of sanctuaries and the halls of Congress.

Call me weird.

Most of the world slept through the night some two thousand years ago, wondering how things could ever get better when everybody seemed content with them remaining bad. It took a child–and it will take a child in each and every one of our hearts–for us to birth peace on earth and goodwill toward men.

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Sowing Discord … October 10, 2012

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Live from October 1st filming

It makes me a little uncomfortable. No, actually it makes me VERY uncomfortable.

Talking about seven things that God hates is not exactly my favorite topic. I don’t know if it’s because I lean towards appreciating the more loving aspects of the Almighty, or if some of the things he finds distasteful come a little too close to my own “skin-life.”

I’m not sure, but I will be honest with you–over these past seven weeks, as I have shared these warnings with you I have learned a lot. So when I came to the seventh one today, which states that “God hates those who sow discord amongst the brethren,” I was emotionally, spiritually and mentally lit up like a light bulb. I realized that this seventh little piece of nastiness is a culmination, or a cementing, if you will, of the previous six and that it generates a doctrine to justify the entire package.

This is how it works. We find brethren who agree with us, who tolerate our inconsistencies. We come into fellowship with them, and then because of a proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, wicked imaginations, feet swift to mischief and a false witness, we are suspicious of this new alliance and begin to pick, fuss and gossip with those who are supposed to be part of our own camp. It is hateful. It is a desperate move by insecure human beings, isolating off problems instead of solving them.

The classic definition of “sowing discord among brethren” would be to tell tales, create lies or capture people in their errors and focus on the punishment instead of the redemption. But I don’t think that’s what this is talking about. I think because we know there are many faults within us that have been covered up by excuses and other forms of escapism, we become so suspicious of the world around us that we feel it is necessary to protect ourselves by destroying the competition. Yes, we think that everything is going to boil down to one winner, so we are ready to poison all those in the race.

It shows up with seven sound-byte-type ideas that creep into organizations, religion, politics and even our educational system. When we pursue these particular aggravations, we always end up critical of others and worried about where the next attack will be. Let me give you the seven bad seeds that are sown in discord:

1. “Things are bad.” It’s the only thing you can get a hearty “amen” on in any gathering. Life is tough. Life is full of problems.

2. “Evil is everywhere.” After all, how can we establish that we’re good unless we don’t point a finger at some obvious evil? When those iniquities are not quite so prevalent, we have to make up reasons for attacking a particular cause.

3. “God WILL win.”  Yes, it’s an emphasis on the end times and the ultimate victory over evil, while succumbing to the notion that in the meantime, the devil seems to be taking the day.

4. “People are dangerous.” You may think it’s important to point out that there are terrorists in the world, but dwelling on that particular concept causes us to trickle down our suspicion to everyone around us.

5. “Be careful.” It is one of those phrases that seems very innocent–a statement of wisdom–until you realize that the human life we live is filled with pitfalls and merely trying to look for the puddles of quicksand does not mean you will be less likely to get swallowed up.

6. “Cling to your own.” After all, who could object to developing an inner circle of loved ones to make more important than the other humans who live within your sphere? That’s just natural, right?

7. “Dig in.” Two words that can mean almost anything you want them to mean, but generally conclude that who we are and what we are is fine, and all the enemies of our lives are outside our little fortress of protection.

When you begin to accept any one of these seven ideas as common knowledge or common sense, you set in motion an emotional juice in the human being that causes us to reject new ideas, new people, new possibilities and even new life.

All of these show up in every facet of our interaction with each other. You can hear these seven little pieces of false counsel in churches. You certainly hear these sound-bytes television, where fussy over-anxious women chat about them on talk shows.  Nervous-Nelly men do special reports for their political parties on the pending doom. And not only are these seeds of discord producing a sense of immobility in the populace, but they also cause us to believe that the enemy of life is right outside our window–instead of staring back at us from our mirror.

It makes people self-righteous and afraid. You can see why God hates it. Is there anything worse than a self-righteous, fearful person?

So am I saying that  things AREN’T bad? No, I’m saying in everything give thanks, because none of us are intelligent enough to determine where our particular directional change is going to end up and often benefit us.

Am I denying that evil is everywhere? Yes. I’m telling you that “the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof,” and anyone who tries to break that code of behavior will be punished by Mother Nature.

Am I suggesting that God will NOT win? No, I’m saying that God has already won. Jesus said that even though the world is filled with tribulation, that our good cheer buys wonderful time for him to prove that he’s already overcome the world.

Don’t I agree that people are dangerous? I think some people are weak. And weak things try to pretend they’re strong. Jesus refers to these people as “the least of these my brethren.” He says that basically there is no door into them through conflict, but only through accepting your own power by assisting them and setting them on a new path.

“Come on, Jonathan. Don’t you think there ARE times to be careful?” I, myself, am in the middle of a trial at this moment. Can I be honest with you? The more I think about it, the less I am able to think. It is the power of Jesus telling us to “take no thought” over the bumps in our lives. It’s not that we should whistle a happy tune and skip down the road. Rather, it’s because the brain becomes overloaded when too many difficulties are presented, absent of solution.

Do I love my family and treasure them above all else? One of the scriptures you will never hear spoken–or at least not very often–are the words of Jesus: “When you love those that love you, you’re no better than the heathen.” If I can’t step out of my circle, I will never be able to enlarge it, and eventually I will feel cramped within its circumference and start attacking my own.

And do I think it’s important to “dig in” and hold fast to what we believe? No. Forty-eight hours ago I would have told you that I had a solid philosophy which was not particularly in need of additional inclusions. I would not have said this to be pious. I would have shared it with you in contentment. But hours have passed and I now realize that merely “digging in” to what I believe is not going to be enough. I need to expand.

This is why the first thing Jesus told the disciples to do is “go into all the world.” What a contrary thought that is to the normal religious experience! After all, don’t Jews stay with Jews? Arabs with Arabs? Hindu with Hindu? But Jesus said the most positive thing you can do to keep growing and expanding is to “go into all the world” and see how your ideas work in the earth’s marketplace.

God hates those precepts which sow discord amongst the brethren because they teach us to be afraid, and once we’re afraid, we are capable of all sorts of atrocities–be it burning young women at the stake as witches, or insisting that the black race needs to drink from a different fountain.

Watch out for those seven pieces of conventional propaganda that draw us away from the kind of expansive spirit that includes others instead of locking the door to keep all the bad things outside.

Seven things that God hates.

I’ll tell you what. Next Wednesday we’ll tie them all up and finish this little series. I hope you have enjoyed it. I hope it didn’t spook you too much, like it did me for a time.

And I hope you will stop grabbing the seed of anxiety from our generation and casting it into the field of your life.

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