Jonathots Daily Blog
(3447)
Matthew was still so rattled from his meeting with Jubal that when he arrived back at his hotel on the Vegas strip, he couldn’t remember his suite number. So in his usual overcomplicated, confusing way, he explained his situation to the front desk clerk, who retrieved his number from the records and then said, “That suite, 772–your wife was here earlier to pick up the key.”
Matthew didn’t have a wife.
His face apparently communicated that thought, because the young desk person giggled and winked.
All the way up on the elevator, Matthew wondered if he was headed toward a surprise hooker hired by some of his clumsy friends, or if there was a serial killer waiting to end his brief and tumultuous life.
He took the key provided by the winking worker, carefully opened the door and walked in. Sitting on the edge of his couch–pensively, as if waiting for a dental appointment–was Soos.
“What are you doing here?” asked Matthew, quickly shutting the door.
“I followed you. Well, we followed you.” She said, rising quickly to her feet.
Matthew crossed the room, leaned against a chair and asked, “Why did you follow me, and who is we?”
Soos sat down, took a deep breath and replied, “We is Jo-Jay and myself, and why… Well, that’s why I’m here. You see, Jo-Jay has a crush on you and she wanted to follow you to Vegas hoping that something might actually happen in Vegas that could stay here. Well, she was too chicken to come by herself so she asked me to come along, and then when we got here, she was too scared to come up here. So she asked me to go first and talk to you to see if you were interested in her and if you would mind her coming to visit your room.”
Soos stopped speaking, as if she’d actually made sense.
“Are we in the fourth grade?” queried Matthew.
“No,” Soos answered. “But to be completely fair, it’s been since the fourth grade that we had to do stuff like this to find out if people like us…”
Matthew eased down into the chair. “Well, of course I like Jo-Jay. And I like you, Soos.”
“What do you mean?” Soos sparked.
Matthew paused. “Well, I mean I think we have a lot of history, and you’re an attractive woman, I’m a reasonably acceptable man with good grooming habits…”
“And nice eyes,” interrupted Soos.
“Thanks,” replied Matthew. “I don’t see them often. Basically the mirror.”
“They’re nice,” said Soos with a smile.
Matthew considered the situation. “So let me get this straight. You’re supposed to come and find out if I would …welcome?…a visit from Jo-Jay so she won’t be embarrassed if I wouldn’t? Do I have this right?”
“Sounds dumb, doesn’t it?” Soos inserted sheepishly. She continued. “It’s especially weird because I like you, too. I can’t tell her about that because it would make her crazy. So I thought I would just lay in the weeds, so to speak, and see if you rejected her, and then wait a respectable length of time…say four days…”
Matthew jumped in. “Four days, huh? Where’d you come up with that?”
“It just seems like a little more than three days,” explained Soos. “Anyway, I would then be able to tell you that I think you’re attractive also, but I wouldn’t feel bad about it because you would have already kicked Jo-Jay to the curb.”
Matthew stood to his feet and sighed. “I’m not gonna kick anybody to the curb. I’m just tired and I’m going to bed.”
Once again, Soos leaped to her feet and moved closer to him. “Would you like some company?”
She touched him on the cheek.
“So we’re skipping Jo-Jay…?”
Soos interrupted. “And the four days. I’m too damn young to be alone tonight in Vegas, and way too old to wait.”
Matthew chuckled and headed toward the bedroom. Soos pursued. She pulled him over to the bed by his belt and said, “Are you interested in me?”
Matthew, looking down at her hands, said, “I’ve always found it very difficult to be disinterested in any woman who had her hands in my pants.”
“Not very eloquent,” said Soos, “but who am I to be picky?”
She pulled him down to the bed, he fell over her, and she put her hands on his shoulders and kissed him. She started to remove her blouse when suddenly there was a commotion from the other room.
“Hi! The door was open. I hope everybody’s decent!!”
It was Jo-Jay. There was no time to reframe the choreography. Jo-Jay walked in the room with an expression she might have displayed upon finding herself as a time traveler arriving on the deck of the Titanic at about midnight.
Horrified.
Matthew felt the need to speak, but his brain disagreed. Soos jumped in to fill the awkward moment. She slowly untangled herself from her hold on Matthew as she self-consciously buttoned up her blouse and explained, “Listen, this may seem weird, but it really doesn’t have to be. We are all mature sophisticated adults. The atmosphere is here, the moment is understood and the participants are ready. Why don’t I just move away from the bed and Jo-Jay can come in and resume the action-in-progress? I know it sounds a little avant garde, but a few kisses, a couple of tweaks–and it’ll be a distant memory.”
At this point, Soos moved over and tried to push Jo-Jay toward the bed to create the switch.
Matthew was perplexed, intrigued and somewhat repulsed by the whole situation.
For a brief moment, Jo-Jay considered the extraordinary hostage exchange. Then she stopped in her tracks, turned to Soos and said, “I thought you were my friend.”
Soos replied, “I am your friend. But it’s also been a long time since anybody’s rung my bell.”
Matthew felt it was time to speak. “Listen, I’m not trying to ring anybody’s bell, or whatever euphemism you want to insert. I just came to my room to go to sleep.”
“So why is she in your bed?” asked Jo-Jay.
Matthew answered, “Well, if I was using sports terminology, I would say she tackled me for a loss on the play.”
“I don’t know what that means,” said Jo-Jay in a huff. “I liked you and wanted to spend some time with you…”
Matthew interrupted. “So why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Because good girls don’t cavort. That’s what my mother told me long before I knew what the word ‘cavort’ meant. Since I now do know, it would be improper for me to offer myself to you without knowing whether the offering would be acceptable.”
Matthew shook his head. “Hell, have we just gone Old Testament here? Please, ladies, nothing personal. No decision is being made about the future. But right now I need to be alone without the temptation of any lovely lasses.”
Soos said, “Well you don’t have to insult us.”
Matthew sighed. “I don’t know how I insulted you but if I did, I’m sorry, but since I don’t know what I did, maybe we should just talk about this later when we’re not in a room together playing musical beds.”
Jo-Jay turned on her heel and headed toward the door, stopping briefly to throw back a final comment. “I will leave the fornication to the two of you.”
Soos grabbed her purse and followed along. “Wait! I’m not gonna fornicate. I just came up here to represent you.”
Jo-Jay turned around and hugged Soos. “I know. The brute seduced you.”
Matthew lifted one finger in the air. “Let me point out that I am neither a brute nor did I seduce anyone. Just stating for the record.”
Jo-Jay responded, nearly in tears. “I thought you were different.”
“I am different,” said Matthew. “I thought you were not crazy.”
“Well, you were wrong,” Jo-Jay replied. She scurried out the door and into the hall.
“I wouldn’t call her for a couple of days,” Soos whispered to Matthew. “She’ll need some personal space to work this out.”
Matthew lay back on the bed, the memory of female hands in his pants still dancing in his head.
But mostly on his mind was what he envisioned to do with Jubal Carlos.
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