Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … August 6th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3025)

Dear Man Dear Woman

Dear Man: People are making tons of money by promoting the gender wars–books, seminars, movies and television programs accumulate a huge haul of cash by continuing to foster the irreconcilable differences between men and women.

 

Dear Woman: I suppose that’s true, but what do you plan on doing about it?

 

Dear Man: I’m just explaining that as long as there’s money to be made, there won’t be a willingness to come to the truth of the matter.

 

Dear Woman: And what is the truth?

 

Dear Man: The truth is, we will continue to think that women are the weaker sex and that they are irrational, until we sit down and have a great dialogue and risk losing this dishonest money in favor of seminars and shows that illustrate the two genders working together.

 

Dear Woman: That’s not gonna happen.

 

Dear Man: I don’t know whether it’s gonna work in the end, but we could make a beginning. Let’s start with the fact that you are taught that I am irrational, and I am taught that because you feel that way, you are irrelevant.

 

Dear Woman: Interesting. So what you’re saying is, if you find me irrelevant, I more than likely will naturally conclude that you’re irrational for feeling that way.

 

Dear Man: And if you’re constantly hounding me about being irrational, I will find you irrelevant.

 

Dear Woman: It seems like there’s no solution.

 

Dear Man: Every solution begins with a door, and I think I know where to go in.

 

Dear Woman: I’m all ears.

 

Dear Man: The toilet seat.

 

Dear Woman: Oh, no. No way. That old battle has been fought to a bloody end.

 

Dear Man: That’s because we think it’s impossible to handle. Here’s the truth–a man lifts the toilet seat to piss because he doesn’t want to pee on the seat. That’s already considerate. To lift the toilet seat he has to reach down and bring it up. At the end of his business, he reaches over to flush the pot. At that point his hand is mere inches away from tapping the seat and letting it fall back down.

 

Dear Woman: I understand that. But it doesn’t happen. So if you keep complaining about it, you’re spitting in the wind.

 

Dear Man: It doesn’t happen because we fail to realize that lifting the toilet seat in the first place is a consideration. It requires some effort. It actually takes less effort to knock it back down than it does to lift it.

 

Dear Woman: It may make sense to you, but just mentioning the problem puts men on edge–defensive–and makes women look like self-righteous complainers.

 

Dear Man: Are you telling me that if you were at boot camp and the drill sergeant got in your face and ordered you to put down the toilet seat, you would be unable to learn it?

 

Dear Woman: No. I would do it because I was threatened.

 

Dear Man: So why aren’t you threatened by appearing to be calloused, uncaring and unwilling to change?

 

Dear Woman: I suppose because it’s my way, as a man, of saying that this particular thing will be done my way. Is that what you want to hear?

 

Dear Man: Is it the truth?

 

Dear Woman: The truth is, I don’t think I can remember it every time. So I don’t want to try.

 

Dear Man: You wouldn’t have to remember it every time. If I saw you do it occasionally, it would open my heart–to realize when I finish the toilet I could lift the lid for you. Nobody’s going to die by lifting or dropping a toilet seat. But if we would just show one another that we’re aware, even half the time, it would go miles on the journey to understanding.

 

Dear Woman: It’s not easy.

 

Dear Man: But it is simple. It can be done. And even if it’s done infrequently, the fact that I cross your mind is meaningful to me, and the fact that you think about a woman being in your life when it comes to the bathroom, is powerful for you. We have to get along in every room of the house–not just the bedroom.

 

Dear Woman: So you want me to do this?

 

Dear Man: Do you want to try?

 

Dear Woman: No. But you make so much damn sense that I’d rather try than argue about it.

 

Dear Man: Isn’t that a step?

 

Dear Woman: Yeah. I suppose so. But it feels like a step into a big pile of poop.

 

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Cracked 5… September 15th, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2693)

cracked 5 logo keeper with border

Possible Conversation Starters with a Lesbian

A. Just curious, do you and your partner argue over breast envy?

 

B. Your razors must last longer. No beards!

 

C. Do you and your sweetie take turns playing the part of the “dumb man?”

 

D. Guess what? I like to have sex with women, too!

 

E. Praise God! The toilet seat stays down, right?

 

Cracked 5 Ellen Rules 2

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Breakstart … March 24, 2014

Jonathots Daily Blog  

(2184)

toiletTradition is a habit that seems to have a purpose. Yet every once in a while, we have to stop and ask ourselves, “Is there a better way?”

Otherwise, tradition, lacking a reason, resembles a prison.

Please allow me an oversimplification. When I was in my twenties I traveled with two women in a music group across the country. I learned two things about women:

  1. They are human beings just like me, and
  2. If you truly want to impress, dazzle, seduce and even receive respect–just put the toilet seat down.

I know it sounds trivial, and facts are, it is. It is so trivial that not recognizing it as simple and easy to do is an obvious breach of respect, tenderness and concern.

Let’s be honest–when a man lifts the toilet seat to do his business, the flusher on that pot is right next to the seat on the way out the door. In other words, if you reach for the flusher, your hand is already on the seat, able to permit it to come down. So making an excuse that it’s two separate motions,  hard to remember or difficult to execute is not only ludicrous–to the female mind, it’s insulting.

We are never going to learn to do extraordinary things until we openly admit that we’re ignoring ordinary things that could be done but are being passed over by us out of either insolence or laziness.

It took me about ten tries, but on the eleventh one, it was not only natural to put the toilet seat in the position more suitable for the ladies, but I did it without even thinking.

Or was it that I did it with thinking?

It may be traditional to have the classic battle between men and women exemplified in the bathroom, with the toilet. But success is doing something you don’t have to do, knowing that it will make someone else’s life easier.

Break a tradition and start a miracle–because miracles never happen when you’re repeating yesterday’s efforts. And by the way, you want to startle and enthrall a woman?

Put a lid on it.

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Click here to get info on the "Gospel According to Common Sense" Tour

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