Cracked 5 … February 13th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3582)

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What People Under 20 Years of Age Think You Mean When You Mention Historical Events

A. Valley Forge

A mall??

 

B. Woodstock

The name for the non-metal parts of a rifle

 

C. Gettysburg

The new triple-decker vegetarian patty at Panera Bread

 

D. Watergate

A bridge of some sort?

 

E. Vietnam

The food you have to get when the Thai restaurant is too busy

 

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Cracked 5 … January 30th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3568)

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Some Unfortunate Attempts to Come Up With Clever Names for the New Flu Epidemic

A.  Strain “I-B-ILL”

 

B.  Hack-in-sack

 

C.  Squirts (urban dictionary)

 

D.  Type Y.G.M.F. (You Give Me Fever)

 

E.  Flu-idiotly

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Cracked 5 … January 2nd, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3540)

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  Really, Really, Really Insipid New Year’s Resolutions

A. “I resolve with all my heart to breathe more deeply.”

 

B. “I am determined this year to use less toilet tissue.”

 

C. “It is my great conviction to take this year to memorize my pin numbers.”

 

D. “My New Year’s resolution? Stop harassing women unless I’m sure they want to be harassed.”

 

E. “Cut calories by limiting my intake of fried cheese.”

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Cracked 5 … December 19th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3526)

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Very Unusual Birthday Wishes

A. “Thought you were dead. Now that I know you’re alive, it gives me a chance to kill you.”

 

B. “I knew your mother. You could be my bastard.”

 

C. “We baked your birthday cake. Unfortunately, our dog, Fritzenrod, peed on it, so please don’t eat.”

 

D. “I was going to buy you a birthday present–then realized you were not that shallow.”

 

E. “The ancestors of John Wilkes Booth found out you had the same birthday as him. They changed his.

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Cracked 5 … December 5th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3512)

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Some people are offended by the religious implications of saying “Merry Christmas.” Here are five renditions they might find even more unsettling:

A. Happy B-Day, Baby J!

 

B. A baby shower for Mary and Joseph (bring a gift)

 

C. Save 50% at the Savior Birth Extravaganza!

 

D. Merry Manger Moments

 

E. Happy Jesus-mas

 

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Cracked 5 … November 28th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3505)

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Reasons that Leftover Turkey Often Tastes Better

A. Stewing in its own juices, it found some answers.

 

B. Not needing to compete against the arrogant Honey Baked Ham.

 

C. Spent some time in the “cooler”–got born again.

 

D. People are hungry again by Saturday.

 

E. Rejected at the original feast, it gained character.

 

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Cracked 5 … November 21st, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3498)

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Best Reasons Ever to Give as Excuses for Over-Eating

A. “I am secretly feeding an unborn twin.”

 

B. “My dead mother living in the basement insists that I eat 7,000 calories a day or she will start killing young women who stay at the motel we own.”

 

C. “My tape worm just had triplets.”

 

D. “God has warned me in a dream that we are headed for seven years of famine.”

 

E. “An English charity has offered a challenge–for every pound I gain, they will give a pound to operate on puppies who cannot bark.”

 

 

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