Cracked 5 … November 14th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

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Last Confessions of a Turkey Before Thanksgiving

A. I tried to plump up my wife so they’d take her instead of me.

 

B. I acted really, really paranoid so the farmer would think I was “a chicken”

 

C. I made close friends with the butcher’s children

 

D. I pulled out all my feathers so they’d think I was diseased

 

E. I stopped using “fowl language”

 

 

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Cracked 5 … October 31st, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

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In This Present Day of Political Correctness, Here Are Some “Better Phrases” to Replace the Notoriously Challenging “Trick or Treat”

A. Dandy candy

 

B. Need sweet

 

C. Yummy for my tummy

 

D. Vegan pleasin’

 

E. Confection or contention

 

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Cracked 5 … October 17th, 2017


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In January 1961, during his Inaugural Address, President Kennedy stated, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” What few people know is that there were five previous drafts to that statement before arriving at the sixth one which was shared with the public. Today, as a benefit to our readers, we present to you those previous incarnations:

A. Ask for yourself. Your country will do it.

 

B. Ask for a country, just for yourself.

 

C. What your country can do for you–ask me about it.

 

D. What you can do for your country is asking yourself, what has your country done for you?

 

E. Stop asking so much.

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Cracked 5 … October 10th, 2017


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Other Names Once Considered for Bugs Bunny

A.  Ears McGears

 

B.  Rabid Rabbit

 

C.  Headser Tails

 

D.  Harry Hare

 

E.  Trumper

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Cracked 5 … September 26th, 2017


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Various Ways You Know It Is Fall

A. Annoying young people at churches are trying to sell you pumpkins

 

B. College football returns, with too much attention being placed on boys who still use pimple cream

 

C. You are told that donuts and cider go together

 

D. There is a chilling in the air that you have to start scraping off your windshield

 

E. The trees publicly give up hope and drop their leaves

 

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Cracked 5 … September 5th, 2017


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The Old Adage Is “Cast Your Bread Upon the Water,” But What Would You Really Get?

A.   Undrinkable water

 

B.  A new prison experiment by Bed and Bath called “Bread and Broth”

 

C.  Inedible bread

 

D.  A little teeny bread-boat floating in the Havana Harbor

 

E.  Any “Soup of the Day” at Olive Garden

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Cracked 5 … August 29th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3413)

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Ironic Things Overheard on the Deck of the Titanic Shortly Before It Left on Its Final Journey

A. “Reginald, do we need more life boats?”

 

B. “No, Horatio, I just finally got the number even on both sides.”

 

C. “God, I hope I get to see an iceberg–a big’un!”

 

D. “I wonder if they’ll ever make a movie about this boat?”

 

E. “Tell the stewards to save the best wines and caviar for when we get closer to New York.”

 

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