Cracked 5 … July 25th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3378)

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 Reasons That Some People Escape a Tornado

A. Lightning rods, garlic wreaths and the fact that no rotating winds came in their direction

 

B. They don’t live in a mobile home park

 

C. Deep intercessory prayer and also that no rotating winds came in their direction

 

D. They got struck by a cyclone because they live south of the equator

 

E. It just flat-out missed them

 

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Cracked 5 … July 17th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

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Other Than the Traditional Transforming of Adam’s Rib, Different Things That God Considered Using in Making Woman

A. Turtle dove tears

 

B. Sugar, spice and everything with a price

 

C. Hairspray and bolts

 

D. Cadbury chocolate Easter eggs

 

E. Jawbone of an ass

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Cracked 5 … July 11th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3364)

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 Brief Conversations Between a Dog and a Cat

A.

Dog: Your hairballs make me puke.

Cat: Good. Then you’ll have something to slurp up.

B.

Cat: Your ears droop like they’re dead.

Dog: I can wag my tail!

C.

Dog: I run in the park.

Cat: I own the house.

D.

Dog: I am man’s best friend.

Cat: I am a woman’s revenge.

E.

Dog: I am good. I poop in the yard.

Cat: I am better. I poop in the house and convince them they can’t smell it.

 

 

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Cracked 5 … July 4th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3357)

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Some Other Ways to “Fire” a Cracker

A.  A lovely hummus laced with jalapenos to spread lightly over a crispy saltine. Ole!

 

B.  “Billy Bob, we can’ts use yous here at the feed store no more.”

 

C.  A blow torch. Not too close–to avoid scorching the wafer.

 

D.  Finely ground cracker crumbs packed into a bullet casing and discharged from a .22 caliber pistol–known as “Ritz Blitz.”

 

E.  Some folks would say: impeachment.

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Cracked 5 … June 20th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3343)

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Five Father’s Day Gifts That Will Never Make It Out of the Box

A.  A “make your own” beef jerky kit

 

B.  A book entitled, “Finding the Mommy in your Daddyhood”

 

C.  A week’s membership at the “Him Gym”

 

D.  A bow tie–ANY bow tie

 

E.  An app with replacement words for cussing

 

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Published in: on June 20, 2017 at 2:34 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Cracked 5 … June 13th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3336)

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Five Reasons Your Dentist Should Not Double as Your Gynecologist

A. He is accustomed to pulling things

 

B. Proficient with drills

 

C. He gets his face a little close to his work

 

D. He is always looking for teeth

 

E. Just the wrong kind of  cavity

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Published in: on June 13, 2017 at 1:32 pm  Comments (1)  
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Cracked 5 … May 30th, 2017


 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3322)

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What the Fellow Did With His Collection of Hats After Discovering That His Hair Had Miraculously Started Growing Again

A.  Gave them to miracle-deprived, hairless hombres

 

B.  Used the hats in the bucket brigade to put out fires

 

C.  Made a great condom dispenser next to his bed

 

D.  Trimmed the hats to fit on the heads of frustrated bald eagles

 

E.  Ran through the meadow with a hat in hand, high in the air, gathering love vibrations from butterflies and bees, to present to his easily impressed young niece

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