3 Things … November 22nd, 2018

Jonathots Daily Blog

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To Take Away From the Thanksgiving Table

1. These beautiful, involved, unique people decided to spend this time with you.

 

2. Thankful people are better people because they’re still thankful even if things don’t get better.

 

3. Eating ’til it hurts is difficult to digest.


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Cracked 5 … November 17th, 2018


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Cracked 5

Cracked 5

Laments of the Common Turkey During This Holiday Season, Including Ways It Might Try to Save its Own Neck

A.  Ducks are ALL dark meat

 

B.  The Pilgrims actually preferred lobster.

 

C.  At least give me the dignity of eating my gizzard

 

D.  Pork is also good with dressing

 

E.  Ben Franklin thought I should be the national bird. Did you ever think of that?

Thanksgiving Turkey


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Cracked 5 … November 28th, 2017


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Reasons that Leftover Turkey Often Tastes Better

A. Stewing in its own juices, it found some answers.

 

B. Not needing to compete against the arrogant Honey Baked Ham.

 

C. Spent some time in the “cooler”–got born again.

 

D. People are hungry again by Saturday.

 

E. Rejected at the original feast, it gained character.

 

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Cracked 5 … November 14th, 2017


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Last Confessions of a Turkey Before Thanksgiving

A. I tried to plump up my wife so they’d take her instead of me.

 

B. I acted really, really paranoid so the farmer would think I was “a chicken”

 

C. I made close friends with the butcher’s children

 

D. I pulled out all my feathers so they’d think I was diseased

 

E. I stopped using “fowl language”

 

 

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Cracked 5 … November 15th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Other Practical Names Given for Thanksgiving

A.  Turkey Slaughter Day

 

B. “Why Don’t You Get a Job, Loser?” Day

 

C. “We Will Take Your Corn and Land” Day

 

D. “Does Anyone Really Like Green Beans and Mushroom Soup?” Day

 

E. “Thanks for the Electoral College” Day (only at the Trump home)

 

cracked-5-pilgrim

 

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Cracked 5 … November 24th, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Things You Should Not Add to Your Turkey Stuffing

 

A. Belly button lint, even though it does have a similar texture

 

B. Beaks and claws.

 

C. Left-over spaghettiOs from the daycare clean-up.

 

D. Finger-nail clippings–even though you could pass them off as slivered almonds.

 

E. Sardines–any variety.

cracked 5 turkey

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G-Poppers… November 28, 2014

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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G-Popper

Finishing up a fine meal, friends and family gather and decide to probe the mind of G-Pop.

“Speaking of eating, G-Pop, what do you think of the meal?”

G-Pop: I don’t need a reason to overeat, but thank you for giving me one anyway.

“How about the turkey, G-Pop?”

G-Pop: When our country was founded and the folks were choosing a national bird, it came down between the turkey and the eagle. The eagle won. Now you see how we treat the runner-up.

“Be gentle, G-Pop, and tell us what you think about family.”

G-Pop: Family is where we practice to make sure that what we preach is worthy to be heard.

“Well, since it’s Thanksgiving, G-Pop, what do you think about thankfulness?”

G-Pop: That’s easy. Gratitude is what intelligent people speak out loud when their hearts want to complain.

 

 

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