Catchy (Sitting Two)This Young Man … June 18th, 2017

Matthew Ransley was an advertising agent but fancied himself an executive. He was a founding partner in a company called S.E.E.D.S.–an annoying, elongated acronym: “Selling Everything Everywhere, Delivering Success.”

Matthew was very good at what he did. He worked at being congenial but if sufficiently aggravated, could launch into a rampage to defend one of his well-guarded opinions.

It was Tuesday when the phone rang and Mariel, his secretary (though she preferred “executive assistant”) was not yet at work to answer, so Matthew found himself taking the call. It was from Marcus Tomlinson, an attorney—an attorney for the estate of Arthur Harts.

Matthew knew who Arthur Harts was, and had even heard that the old man had died. He listened carefully as Mr. Tomlinson explained about the recent reading of the will and the revelation of the “Make Jesus Popular” addition.

It did cross Matthew’s mind that it might be a crank call. But the attorney established credibility because he seemed to know what he was talking about, including an abundance of information about Matthew and his agency.

“The reason we called you is that we thought that your agency’s name, S.E.E.D.S., sounded a little religious, and in doing a background check on you, we also discovered that you had some interest in matters of faith and such when you were a student back in college.”

Matthew smiled. He remembered. College–a chance to plan your future while simultaneously ruining your life. After graduation he had included every piece of resume-worthy material possible on his application to gain employment.

He had begun a club during his college years, launching a fledgling organization initially called the “Son of One” (he being the only member at the time.) His vision was to create a para-religious/party-motivated/pseudo-intellectual club, which would attract both thinkers and drinkers.

Before too long he achieved a member and they became the “Crew of Two.” Then came another and they became the “Tree of Three.” When a fourth joined, they dubbed themselves the “Core of Four.” A fifth inductee created the “Hive of Five,” and a sixth, the “Mix of Six.” When a seventh young lady cast her lot with the organization, they became the “Leaven of Seven,” where they remained throughout their university years, garnering no new converts.

Matthew assumed this was what the attorney was referring to when he mentioned “some interest in matters of faith.” Honestly, the seven young folk liked to talk about God and politics until the wee hours of the morning while indulging in “the beer and bong.” It was hardly a consecrated conclave, but rather, dedicated to the proposition that all men–and women–are created equally arrogant.

“What is it you want?” Matthew asked. It was too early to chat–or reminisce.

Mr. Tomlinson proceeded to explain that one of Arthur Harts’ dying wishes was to give two hundred fifty million dollars towards increasing the popularity of Jesus.

“How popular does he need to be?” asked Matthew. “I mean, they named a religion after him, and, if I’m not mistaken, doesn’t our entire calendar run by the date of his birth?”

There was a moment of silence. Then Lawyer Tomlinson spoke in metered tones. “Let me just say that I don’t know much about religion, or God for that matter. I am merely performing the literal last request of a very wealthy man.”

“So what do you want me to do?” inquired Matthew.

“What do I want you to do? I guess I want you to tell me that your agency will take two hundred and fifty million dollars and at least try to make Jesus more popular.”

“We could start a rumor that he and Elvis are going to get together and cut an album.”

A pause. “Sounds fine with me,” replied Tomlinson.

Matthew chuckled. It was becoming quite evident that this lawyer was merely going through the motions of fulfilling a contractual oddity. On the other hand, as unusual as the request sounded, the two hundred and fifty million dollars did offer a bit of sparkle. As a founding partner in his business, did he have the right to reject such a lucrative offer simply because it was weird?

The lawyer piped up, uncomfortable with the delay. “Perhaps you could suggest someone else.”

Matthew laughed nervously. “No, I don’t really think I could suggest anyone else. I’m not familiar with any All Saints Agency or God Almighty, Inc.”

“It is two hundred and fifty million dollars. I mean, can’t you do something?”

“Yes,” said Matthew. (He figured it was always better to say yes to two hundred and fifty million dollars. You can revise your answer later, but in the meantime, well, it’s two hundred and fifty million dollars.)

Matthew punctuated his acceptance by adding, “Maybe we could get Jesus to date a supermodel.”

“I think he’s dead,” said Tomlinson, without inflection.

“Not according to advertising.”Donate ButtonThe producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

 

 

 

Cracked 5 … March 22nd, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2881)

cracked 5 logo keeper with border

Other Ways the Jews Could Have Killed Off Jesus

A. Offered him tenure at Jerusalem University, teaching a class, “The Perpetual Power of the Parable.”

 

B. Hooked him up with a real “nice local girl.”

 

C. Egged on their attorneys to harangue him with nuisance lawsuits–like, “withholding livelihood from a blind beggar” and “serving lunch to 5,000 without a food handler’s permit.”

 

D. Put him in charge of Children’s Ministry.

 

E. Thrust upon him the role of being campaign manager for Donaldus Trumpus during Emperor Primaries.

cracked 5 Jesus Children's Message

 

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

 

The Alphabet of Us: I is for Intelligent… February 2, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2491)

Building block I big

All human beings possess a heart, soul, mind and strength. Nothing of any true significance can be achieved unless this is understood.

  • Information
  • Knowledge
  • Smart
  • Intelligent
  • Insight
  • And wisdom.

Normally these words are used synonymously with each other. Would you please allow me to assign different meanings to these words, and in the process of doing so, inflame them with purpose?

Let’s begin with a little piece of prose:

We gather information

To study knowledge

Then learn what’s smart

So we can experiment by being intelligent

To acquire insight

Which promotes wisdom.

Stuck right there in the middle of the verses, is the word “intelligent.” Intelligent is the status we achieve when after gathering information, gaining knowledge and discerning what is really smart, we decide to experiment with these ideas to improve our quality.

As you can imagine, it is possible to stop off at any stage along the way and declare yourself to be intellectual.

For instance, someone can just go on the Internet, dig up the latest gossip, and tout themselves “informed.”

Other folks go to the university and cram for exams, to repeat back knowledge which has been determined as acceptable for acquiring a diploma. (Some of those brave souls actually go out, put their knowledge into application in the business world and get smart.

But intelligent is when we personally experiment, challenging what has come our way and what has been taught to us, in order to unearth validity.

I call it the “Rit dye test.”

I’m probably dating myself a bit by talking about Rit dye. When I was a teenager I had a lovely shirt, but it was white. I wanted it to be gold.

So I bought a box of Rit dye, which was labeled “yellow.” Fortunately for me, on that day I was in an astute mode, so I read the directions. They cautioned me to take a small spot on the bottom of the shirt and dye it first, to make sure I had the color I desired.

I did that, and lo and behold, it was anemic.

It took me about eight boxes of Rit dye, blending yellow, red, some blue–well, I forget all the combinations I tried–to end up with the perfect gold for my shirt.

Having run all the tests, I dunked my shirt into the concocted dye and pulled out a magnificent masterpiece.

That’s what it means to be intelligent.

Just because its been said, proclaimed, preached, called holy or scientific, take a moment and test it in your own life.

It is the only way we get to the point where we gain the insight which leads to wisdom.

If you’re not willing to challenge the status quo and test it, be prepared to land in the discarded pile of all those who trusted conventional thinking and fell short.

It’s the Rit dye philosophy: if you know what color you’re looking for, be intelligent enough to seek it out until you get just the right hue.

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

click above for information on 567!

click above for information on 567!

 

Turning Kids Into Humans (Age 15-18) Apprentice… October 6, 2014

Jonathots Daily Blog

(2372)

Humanating

Assumptions are dangerous because they can cause us to become lax in a season when our attention is most warranted.

This is certainly true when it comes to dealing with the adolescent mind–between the age of 15 and 18. There isn’t a parent alive who doesn’t experience buyer’s remorse, personal disappointment, aggravation and a sense of futility while dealing with a teenager on an everyday basis.

The media and educational system do little to assist. Their goals are either to entertain or maintain order. So because of this acquiescence to the unchanging nature of the rebellious teenager, we actually end up extending those frustrating years into their twenties, when it should be dealt with and ministered to by the age of eighteen.

Here’s your basic difficulty: a young human between the years of 15 and 18 doesn’t want to do anything unless it’s in the moment’s whim.

This is why they are so susceptible to temptation. At their very core, vices are exaggerations of potential without ever warning of future difficulties.

So rather than throwing our hands in the air, giving up on our teenagers and waiting for them to emerge from the dark cave of futility, we should instead aggressively pursue a path to apprentice them in a direction that parallels their heart’s desire.

There are very few old-fashioned concepts that should be kept alive, but certainly the practice of apprenticing an adolescent is one of them. You can do it after school, you can make it a summer project, or perhaps a weekend endeavor. But every teenager needs the opportunity to:

  1. Work and be taught on a subject or occupation which seems to presently suit their mission.
  2. In the process of doing this, gain an appreciation of the adjustments necessary to be able to function with other fellow-workers.
  3. Earn money so they learn to meet their needs, save a bit, but most importantly, give to others from their own resource.
  4. Do something they’ve committed to do, even when they don’t feel like doing it.

Without this experience, everything is a theory which is put into practice when they are in college and need to make the grade, or worse, have begun a life filled with financial responsibility, and are required to pick up a paycheck.

The apprentice approach creates a beautiful buffer zone between childhood and adulthood, where teenagers can still maintain a novice profile without shame, before they reach an adult path which requires greater acumen.

They will learn empathy by working with others and gratitude by sharing with souls less fortunate.

If you allow your teenager to sleep in, maintain a bad attitude and refuse to participate in any organized endeavor, you are cursing him or her to putting off their adult life until age thirty.

This is your last gift to that little bundle of joy you brought into the world. While they still have choice, give them a chance to learn without being destroyed, to discover without pressure and to change their minds about their occupation without losing tens of thousands of dollars at the local university.

To be a human being, a teenager must learn how to express that empathy and gratitude which sets us apart–and gives us the righteous authority to have dominion on the earth.

 

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

 

The Sermon on the Mount in music and story. Click the mountain!

The Sermon on the Mount in music and story. Click the mountain!

 

Click here to get info on the "Gospel According to Common Sense" Tour

Click here to get info on the “Gospel According to Common Sense” Tour

Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about scheduling SpiriTed in 2014.

Click here to listen to Spirited music

Click here to listen to Spirited music

%d bloggers like this: