Cracked 5 … March 28th, 2017

 

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3260)

Ways You Can Tell a Watermelon is Ripe

A.  Thump it three times on its yellow underbelly, listen for a hollow response…and then take it home and cut it open.

 

B.  Get very close to the melon at four different locations on its circumference and sniff it, breathing in deeply…(and then take it home and cut it open).

 

C.  Pray over it, laying hands on the surface with a fervent and effectual method…and then, of course, take it home and cut it open.

 

D.  Look carefully for a dark green shade covering the sphere of the entire melon and match it up to others to make sure you’ve achieved the correct hue…and then quickly take it home and cut it open.

 

E.  Take a few weeks to develop a friendly relationship with the produce man at your grocery store and then ask the gent if he would kindly help you pick one of the watermelons he is pretty sure is ready to go…and then TAKE IT HOME AND CUT IT OPEN!!

 

 

Cracked 5 … June 14th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2972)

Thoughts from a Watermelon Just Prior to Being Carved Up at the Church Picnic

A. “Listen, those lines on my belly are not stretch marks.”

 

B. “Looks like I’ve hit a patch of bad luck.”

 

C. “I have come from da-vine places…”

 

D. “I hope I don’t look too fat!”

 

E. “Please don’t swallow my seeds–THEY’RE MY BABIES!”

 

 

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