Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … June 4th, 2016

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Dear Woman: You scare me.

 

Dear Man: What do you mean?

 

Dear Woman: I mean, you frighten me. Is it natural? Was this terror taught to me or is it legitimately part of the evolution of our species–to keep a certain amount of friction between the genders?

 

Dear Man: Since we’re being honest, I’m scared too. Scared of myself. But mostly when I’m around you. Why do you think women put ten or twenty different fragrances all over our bodies everyday? We’re afraid we stink. Stink to you. I don’t know where I learned that. It’s hard for me to believe that I have a genetic code that makes me want to use lotion.

 

Dear Woman: While we’re on the subject–I’m supposed to smell like a man. What in the hell does that mean? I feel like there’s a role I need to play. Sometimes it feels natural, but other times I think you just need me to be manly so you can feel womanly.

 

Dear Man: So what does it mean to be womanly? Does it mean I feel more than I think? It’s so confusing because we say that women are more emotional, but then we turn around and say women are smarter than men. Which one is it?

 

Dear Woman: And is there any spirituality to this whole mess? Is there a Creator who sees us as equals? Or is He intent on us camping out in our genders and remaining separate?

 

Dear Man: It started when I was a kid–trying to avoid “handsy” male cousins and being quietly warned by my mother about certain uncles. I felt like an object. I was in the room but I wasn’t seen unless I was pretty, or unless someone noticed how fast I was growing. None of my relatives ever asked how I was doing on the basketball team. It was always some reference to my beauty or my training as a young woman.

 

Dear Woman: So no wonder we’re terrified of each other. But I will tell you this–I certainly think it would be worth the time to find out how much of this horror was infused by our training and if any of it is legitimate tension brought on by our differences.

 

Dear Man: And here’s the kicker. You’re supposed to be my best friend while simultaneously I am led to believe that a man can’t really be my friend at all.

 

Dear Woman: So I come back to my point. I’m nervous around you, which sometimes makes me not want to be around you, so I can avoid being nervous.

 

Dear Man: I totally understand that. When I want to be myself, I get away from men because I’m afraid if I reveal my real desires, they will either be apathetic or turned off.

 

Dear Woman: I can’t live my life wondering what a woman thinks about me. It will drive me crazy and make me hate her.

 

Dear Man: Likewise for me. There has to be a soft place to be in life–where you don’t have to try too hard, as you do try to improve what you can, without fear of being criticized.

 

Dear Woman: Shouldn’t that be with me?

 

Dear Man: It should, but not as long as I am convinced by society that you’re my enemy.

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Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … March 19th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Dear Woman: I read your note four times. The first two times, I did so to understand what you were saying to me and to let it sink in. But I read it two more times just because I was afraid there was going to be a quiz.

For you see, as much as you hate being treated as a weakling, I despise the fact that you think I’m dumb.

I understand you hear it from everywhere: “Women are smarter than men.”

I’m not dumb. It bothers me.

So I suppose when I get defensive, I start looking for ways to overpower you to compensate for my alleged stupidity.

Then I watch “Law and Order: SVU” and it tells me that women are constantly raped and killed. Word has it from “Fifty Shades of Grey” that you ladies enjoy being dominated. And then the religious system out there proclaims that I’m supposed to be the “king of my household.”

I’m so damn confused.

So here’s what I want you to know: I’m just like you. It’s about my heart, not my penis.

Don’t you understand? I’m a man, but I’m just as emotional as the next human. Hell, I cry when my football team loses the championship. Is that any different from weeping over lost kittens?

But I just can’t tolerate being treated as dumb, so I strike out at you by acting like you’re the weaker sex.

So you feel treated as “weaker” and I feel treated as “dumber.”

Let me tell you this: I can love you but I can’t change the world. I’m not Superman, and if that’s what you need, then you probably should become Supergirl.

I want to be able to tell you where I’m weak without you thinking I’m less.

I want to have an idea without it being dismissed as ridiculous.

And then it will be easier for me to stop treating you like you’re an underling.

The reason we can’t negotiate a deal is that our egos get in the way. I keep waiting for you to treat me like I’m smart, and you want me to treat you like you’re strong. And all the time, society tells us that we’re “weak” and “dumb.”

The only thing I can promise at this stage is to inform you that I’m not going to listen to what our culture tells me I should be.

I don’t think you’re weak.

Please don’t think I’m dumb.

Yours,

Man

 

 

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